Of umeboshi and the sick soul.

Wahai kawan-kawan, mari dengar cerita

"Ya Allah, jadikanlah kami generasi ulul albab, yang belajar mencari isi di sebalik buku-buku, 

bukan sekadar kulitnya. Ameeennn."

................

"Ada umeboshi yang menakjubkan di belakang awak."

: 25th May 2012.

: 10.40 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Walau kita jauh, terima kasih sahabat.

Not a single word is written.

Close your eyes.

Clear your heart.

How old is your soul?

So let's set the world on fire

"You know that place between sleeping and awake, 

that place where you can still remember dreaming? 

That's where I'll always think of you."

Peter Pan, J.M Barrie.

........................

Maybe, maybe, maybe, and if wishes were horses, I'd gallop.

: 21st May 2012.

: 01.06 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Counting days, and counting memories.

Buat kamu.

kawan,
barulah aku sedari bahwa
aku sepertinya masih belum terjaga
entah mengapa, jiwa aku tidak
dapat merasa

aku rindu
rindu kamu, kamu dan kamu
rindu waktu
itu kita melontar pandangan jauh di
astaka padang yang kelihatan
uzur tapi yang
selalu kita susur

kita mungkin jauh
terpisah dek jarak
waktu
yang membuatkan cerita
petang kita tidak lagi
sama dan bersama

tapi walau
begitu
aku tetap
rindu.

Where to, miss? Hyun Bin's side.

That man cries as he smiles

I have replayed this song for quite some time (since yesterday, to be honest with). At first, I thought it was because one of my friends kept singing it when I met her until it was stuck in my head. But just now, I realised that it was not the case. 

I keep listening to this song because I feel pathetic, just like that man in the song. 

What I need the most at this very moment is shown from minute 4:05 to 4:08 in this video.

: 13th May 2012.

: 11.11 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Benarlah apa hang cakap, bila kita sedih,
kita tend untuk dengar lagu sedih. *sigh

Dear books, please comfort me with your never ending stories.

My heart seems to have a gap

She lives the poetry that she cannot write. 

The others write the poetry that they dare not realise.

P/S: Suggest me an inspiring book for my worn out heart.

: 13th May 2012.

: 09.00 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Bajet mendalam sangatlah post nih. Heh.

No flower as beautiful as you.

My mom is amazing

Of all the flowers I saw today,

none can be compared to your smile.

Of all the hugs I received today,

none can be compared to your soft warm hug.

Mak, happy birthday.

May Allah bless you for everything.

Thanks for loving me the way I am.
Thanks for being you.

I love you, Mak. 

I really do.

: 12th May 2012/ 13th May 2012.

: 05.02 p.m./ 00.02 a.m.

: Plymouth, U.K./ Malaysia.

: A warm regards from far.

Heart beats fast, as fast as the time passes.

(the sound of people cutting the grass)

This picture is taken at the unnamed lake in Student Village.

..................


Less than one month now.
I don't know whether I should be happy or sad or what.
But for the time being,
I think I should start living my days here to the fullest.

...................


"To love is to protect. 
That includes protecting the ones you love from your own evil."

: 11th May 2012.

: 02.28 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: I hope you are doing fine there. Syafakallah.

To find our way, we walked through the mist.

Dear you,

It's 1.00 a.m in the morning. My eyes are kinda heavy, my body is tired, but I decided to write this. I should have went to bed earlier, probably an hour earlier since I need to catch a train at 5 o'clock in the morning but I decided to drop a line here. Well, a line is probably just my way of saying one long crappy post, with a lot of grammatical errors. Ahha. 

Life has been rather busy these days, hasn't it? Time flies so fast, to the extent that I can't really cope things at one time. Life has been rather difficult too. Many ups and downs, they say, and well, for once, it mirrors exactly how we both feel at this moment. Oh well, you probably have gone to bed now. Or maybe, your body is but your mind isn't. Scary, isn't it? I mean, it's scary when you are tired, you switch off the light but your eyes just blankly stare into the darkness. Your mind starts to wander off to the unknown land of what ifs, why don'ts, and how shoulds and you end up with either sleeping or wide awake with troubled mind. Whatever it is, I hope in your case, it is the former, not the latter.

I might not be able to say this, but honestly, my heart aches when I see you sad. No, no. It's not that I want you to smile and laugh in front of me all the time (since we all have that moments where we are sad or tired or angry), but I pray that you will always be happy, even when you are sad. Whoaa, kinda confusing, right? But really, amidst all the things that happened, are happening or will happen, I pray to God that you will always be blessed with other things that will make your heart at peace, ease and happiness. Well, the meaning of happiness is subjective, and sometimes being misinterpreted. I once thought that happiness comes when I laugh or when I face no troubles or difficulties. But as I grow up, as I walk in this journey of life, I find that happiness can come in other form. Oh, I don't know. Maybe one day you will find the kind of happiness that I'm trying to say. Or maybe you do right now, but...oh, I don't know. 

Don't apologise if you are not smiling in front of me. We all have that moments where we can't smile from our heart. Seriously, don't force yourself if you can't. I understand. If I don't, at one point I will understand. I feel helpless, to be honest with, especially when something happened. Something which I don't have control to, or something I just can't help with. But, the least that I can do is to lend you my ear and my shoulder to lean on. So don't feel you are a burden or anything. You are not.

Oh, it's getting late now. I should sleep soon, or else, I'm going to doze off during the talk. No, no, no. I can't afford that. Oh well, I hope tomorrow will be better than today. Opps, it's already today. Ahha. How time fliesssss (when we are having fun :P ). Good night, sleep well, and may peace and blessings be with you, you, you and all of us. In case you are feeling down or out of love, remember that God loves you. And I will always love you too.

Sincerely,

Me.

...........................

Bahagia bagi kita mungkin bukan bahagia sebenar di mata Dia.

I miss the days I saw you smiling.

Kurasakan pudar dalam hatiku

This picture is taken during an outing with the girls in Torquay, United Kingdom.

.............

Pesan Lukmanul Hakim:

"Wahai anakku, ketahuilah, sesungguhnya dunia ini bagaikan lautan yang dalam. Ramai yang telah karam di dalamnya. Jika engkau mahu selamat, layarilah lautan itu dengan sampan yang bernama takwa, isinya ialah iman dan layarnya adalah tawakkal kepada Allah."

[12.24 a.m, 29th October 2008]

...............


Clouds remind me of you.

: 4th May 2012.

: 04.56 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Listening to a song that was used during the orientation week in matriculation college.

Bright sun, please shine on me.

Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine

Terkadang, aku ini punya suara hati.

Suara hati yang jika tidak ditapis, 

jika tidak diteliti,
jika tidak dibiarkan berlalu,

pasti ku sendiri yang akan terguris.

Bukan apa,

kadangnya aku ingin mereka mengerti,

aku ingin mereka mengetahui,

apa keinginan diri ini,

apa mahunya hati ini.

Namun, seringkali itu,

akan aku memarahi diri,

siapa yang bisa mengetahui

suara hati diri ini

melainkan aku sendiri.

Benarlah kata kamu,

kita harus belajar memujuk diri,

kita harus belajar bersangka baik,

kita harus belajar menyayangi diri sendiri.

Jika bukan kita,

siapa lagi?

.............................


P/S: Kamu, masih ingatkah janji kita? Janji pada hari ceria itu?

: 2nd May 2012.

: 02.33 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Thanks for the bag, thanks for the apples and thanks for the lunch.