These days, my body hurts.

Have I told you lately that I love you

The weather has been crazy these past few days, hasn't it? The combination of crazy weather and a whole load of work I have been doing for the past few days; has totally taken a toll on me.

My body started to feel a bit more tired that I always fall asleep so fast and mannn, the moment I woke up- I never felt so awake and tired at the same time. I don't know how to explain it but it felt good having a good sleep but my mind felt tired thinking of a brand new day I would need to go through again. So complicated.

Talking about feeling tired, oh this reminds me of the few weeks before I delivered my dear son. 

In the first trimester, I did not have a rough time with morning sickness. I always thought morning sickness means that most of the pregnant ladies will somehow vomit or throw up early in the morning; thus the name morning sickness. However, in my case, it's more to evening sickness? I don't know what to call since the nausea feeling came only during evening. My mornings were mostly me waking up feeling like 'oh man I need more hours of sleep' but once I hit the shower, alhamdulillahh I was ready to gear up for school. 

Unfortunately, it was not the case once dinner time was almost there. I couldn't stand the smell of rice, imagine that. I didn't like rice hahahha can you imagine? Me? Not eating rice? Hahahha but yeah, that was what happened to me. I could only took a few bites and that's that. My preference was more to western food at that time. You name it. Chicken chop? Burgers? Spaghetti? Pasta? Yes, those were the foods that fueled me up in the beginning of my pregnancy. However, alhamdulillahh during the next two trimesters, my appetite came back. Come rice, get into my bellyyyyy. 

As for weird cravings and whatnot, I think I was more into wanting to go travelling. During pregnancy, I went to a few states; well, mainly in the matter of attending weddings and visiting friends. But man, I did travel a lot. Alhamdulillahh I didn't have any complications travelling by bus, car or flight. Some people did warn me to get enough rest as not many could travel far with their big belly but alhamdulillahh this baby appeared to love being on a trip. I think it might also have some relation to me and husband being in long distance relationship. We only managed to see each other during weekends so when the long holidays were finally there, we took the opportunity to travel together especially before we have another one coming aboard. Oh, how we were so ecstatic with the thoughts of having the little one to join us travelling but fast forward, now with all this Covid pandemic going on, we have to put a pause to all those plans we had back then. Those traveling times made us become closer and I thank Allah for all those opportunities. I was so glad I managed to travel to Bandung, Indonesia with my husband as he had never been to overseas before. Alhamdulillah at least his first trip was with me gituw hikhikhik gedik kan. 

Even though I did look like I had quite a smooth pregnancy, towards the last few weeks before labour, I experienced what they call as 'sciatica'; pain and numbness that radiate along the sciatic nerve from the lower back to the buttocks and leg.  Oh man, the pain. I couldn't walk as fast as I used to. I even felt the sharp pain every time I wanted to climb down the stairs. I put on smiles every time people bumped into me but mannnn the painnnnnn. The pain was nothing I could imagine before. That was only 'sciatica', I didn't know what type of pain other mothers had to go through. That was such a good reminder for me of the struggles that other mothers might go through. Please grant jannah to all mothers, oh Allah.

It was during those challenging and painful times that made me missed my spouse so much. I always wished he was there to at least massage my leg or whatnot but man, the distance. It was tough going through the rough nights alone. I did wake up a few times at nights because of the pain and the urge to pee. Man, how can mothers pee a lot with their big bellyyyy? It was such a struggle. But alhamdulillahh, if Allah put you to it, He will put you through it right? Alhamdulillahh alhamdulillahh alhamdulillahh I managed to go through almost 40 weeks of being pregnant. And on a day before the EDD, I delivered my first born. 

Just when I thought the struggles had finally over, the postpartum period was another different type of struggle. Hey, for every blessing of course there's a test that comes with it. That's the price of it kan? So whenever you face a difficulty, be patient, a blessing is on the way. Just be patient and trust Him, okay?

..................

: 3rd August 2020.

: Merlimau, Melaka.

: A child is both a blessing and a responsibility.

A note on LDR.

I miss you like crazy [The Moffats]

A tree begins with a seed, so imagine, every thought you have, is a seed waiting to be planted. Whether positive or negative, once it leaves your mouth, you give it effect. This, is when the seed is planted. Then the tree begins to grow based upon those words. So whether you're doubting and talking/ thinking negative of yourself/ another person or the situation you are in, or positive about things, about growing and getting through whatever it is you're facing, or achieving goals whatever it may be- what you think has an impact and it is temporary as it can leave instantly, but what escapes your lips is even bigger and can be permanent when the seed is planted. It determines which way you'll go, so think before you speak.

-ka.hyx 

[taken from a post on Instagram]

........................

If you were to ask me how do I feel being in a long distance relationship, let me tell you, it is not easy. I might not be the best person to tell you this as I am new in this LDR thingy (two years can be considered as new right?) but in that period, things did get messy.

For those who've known me through and through, you'd probably know what I meant by messy. I am a messy person with complicated thoughts. With distance between us, I admit there were times I doubted this whole thing. During those times I felt like quitting, like running away, like calling it off. I felt unloved, I was jealous of stupid things, I ignored his texts out of blue, I refused to call and all those stupid messy things that only I had the heart to do. Not only that, I also envied others who had time to meet and upload the evidence of their sweet moments together and I even loathed them for doing so. That is why I have unfollowed certain people and I have removed some of my followers on Instagram (oppss, sorry if I removed you).  Mannn, social media seriously is bad for my positive growth. I need to learn to be more grateful of my own blessings.

Well, other than emotion-wise, in terms of financial, mannnnn ohhh mannnnn, to meet means to spend money; A LOT of money. There is no common place for us to meet. If I were to go and meet him, I need to stay over at someone's place. If not, I will have to stay in a hotel, which means, more money to spend. If I don't want to stay over, then I have to spend only a few hours meeting him before I go off to Malacca. The journey to Malacca and to his place takes two hours. If I were to meet him when I were in Malacca, I have to take a bus early in the morning and then reach there around noon, spend a few hours together and then late evening I will have to take a bus to go back to Malacca. 4 flipping hours on the bus and almost a hundred Ringgit for the ticket. *sigh* How can I not envy those who can meet up during weekends when I can only meet him a few months once? Tell me how, just tell meeeeeee.

But, thankfully, despite all those mood swing moments, all those messy things, all those money gone down the drain, this still stands. Alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah for making this work. Without Him, I don't know how will this survive. And without his patience and money (my money of course)........I just don't want to write it down hahaha.

You might think awwww that's so sweet, you're so lucky and whatnot, but honestly, no pain no gain. This reminds me of my most favourite anime series; Fullmetal Alchemist. Okayyyy this is soooo random but yeah, in that anime, the principle of alchemy is: equivalent exchange. If you want to achieve something, you have to give something of the same value. With that being said, if you want to make a relationship work, you have to work for it. As simple as that. 

Easy said than done, huh? True, but seriously, it takes two to tango. Both have to work for it of course. And of course, do not, I repeat, do not underestimate the power of a prayer. Make du'a. Have faith in Him. He is the Owner of every heart, so pray to Him. 

As for you, who are still searching or who are trying to make something work, may Allah ease. I pray that whatever messy thoughts you are having, they will be put to an end one day. *virtual hugs

..............................

Distance is not for the fearful, it's for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend time alone in exchange for a little time with people they love. It's for those who know good things worth to wait, even the waiting is pain.

[taken from a post on Instagram]

.......................

: 29th October 2017.

: 7.54 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: It is a miracle that the internet connection in my area allows me to blog.

Well, that is a blessing. Alhamdulillah, may this last...foreverrrrrrrrr.

One step at a time.

"Allah does not delay a matter except for good.

He does not deprive you of a thing except for good

and He does not make you cry except for good.

He does not send a calamity upon you, except for good.

So do not be sad, every matter has good."

.................

It may be you dream of a star, and Allah wrote for you a moon.

...................

Alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah, it is now the second step of the stairs. Oh well, one step at a time they said. However, I can't help but to notice how my dear friends are fidgeting in their seats now; feeling both happy and worried for me. I know most of them are so happy for my happiness, yet deep inside, I also understand how sad they are thinking of what might happen to our friendship once I enter another phase of my life. I totally understand that. I've been them too. I've lost a few of my dear friends once they were married as they were too busy with family and kids and somehow our friendships drifted apart through time. I can't promise that I won't be them too as I might as well be busy entering the new phase, but dear friends, do know that I am forever your friend. Even if you might feel like my attention is not on you at times you need me like before, I will always try my best to keep in touch with you. And if I happen to not keep in touch with you, do know that my thoughts and prayers are always with you. 

As for the event, many hands make light work and true to that, with the help of many, it went well smoothly. Though there were also things I regretted along the process, ohh we live and we learn. I couldn't thank enough those people who were there and those who kept me in their prayers. Thanks to my two dorky friends which made me feel their presence through the cute cheese tarts (in which I didn't get the chance to eat wuuuu whyyyyyyy). You guys are seriously a gift from heaven. Thank youuuu. Muahhhs.

This is only the second step of the long stairs towards another phase of life. Therefore, only those who always keep in touch with me and those closest to me know about this. I am sorry if you are among those who didn't know anything as I might miss you out. It's not that we are no longer friends or what. I still cherish you as friends but there are reasons why I didn't inform you. One reason is because we don't contact each other often so I might not have the chance to tell you this. It will be so awkward to call you and say, "Heyy, I am approaching the next step now." Another reason is because you and I are in the different phase; so I feel like this is not that important to tell as you have a whole different thing to think of (e.g kids and in-laws). Plus, this is just the second step. Chill and worry not, I will let you know the red -letter day okay? That one I will surely tell. Wait for it, okay? 

As for now, prayers are seriously needed along the way, so please pray for me. As for those who are venturing into this phase of life as well, I pray nothing but the best to all of you. It is not easy, but it is worth it insyaAllah. Stay strong, believe in Him and remember, He is indeed the Best Planner of all. 

: 22nd October 2017.

: 1.34 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Love the giver more than the gift,

and you will be gifted.

Untitled, 2017

If I can only once see you [Untitled, GDragon]

..........................

: 8th June 2017.

: 1.20 p.m.

: Penang, Malaysia.

: I don't why I am so hormonal these days.

I'll be happy then the next second I'll be sad and then without a warning, I'll be so moody.

Just so you know, my emotions might change, but my heart still remains the same.

He said, "All that glitters is not gold."

Up until today, I just don't understand how; with my messy mind and complicated thoughts, I am loved by others. I have a lot weaknesses, plus, no matter how people see me as someone who is calm and can help people in sorting their thoughts (I think), I am still a person who has a lot of insecurities and doubts about myself.

Always, not just sometimes, I feel rather unloved. Not that people around me don't love me enough, in fact they love me more than I deserve, but I always have this stupid thought that they just love me because I need love and support. One of my friends used to scold me a lot because of this stupid, irrational thought. But no matter how, I can't stop thinking that way once in a blue moon. 

I know it is unfair for those who truly, genuinely love me. My family, for example. I know they love me so much, but when things are difficult, I want them to be by my side but mannnn, being in Jeli, distance just sucks. Oh, not just distance. The phone line also sucks, which contributes to poor internet connection. Oh man, you never know how much cursing I have done every single time the line has failed me. I know patience is a virtue, but hey, try being here and tell me about it.

I know I don't do justice to Jeli by condemning this place only. I admit, Jeli is a peaceful place, full of trees and by being surrounded by hills, the air is so fresh and most of the mornings are so cold (a good kind of cold) in which I like so much. Have I mentioned to you about the traffic? Oh man, the traffic is sooooooooooooo not like Penang. Traffic jam? Nah-neverrrrr. Oh, I take it back, once there was a traffic jam though, thanks to Le Tour de Langkawi. Not that I am complaining though, because.....sports is lifeeeeeee (at least to my beloved ones). I should see the good things in Jeli, right? I know, I know. But please, try to understand meeeeeeee.

So, at the end of this long post, I just want to say I thank Allah for you. Yes, you who without fail will love me despite all my messy thoughts and all my dark sides. Thanks, dear you (you know who you are). No matter what I might say or do, deep down I do cherish your presence in my life. Please continue to love me okay? 

.............................................

Grammar note:

'You' can be a singular subject (pronoun)

or a plural subject.

You decide. 

Hihi.

: 12th March 2017.

: 8.42 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: My mom has transferred to Malacca.

So now I have two homes; one in Penang and one in Malacca.

Oh, distanceeeeeeeee. Sakit bahu cheq nak drive jauhhh.

Asyura Day is here.

Cancer [Twenty One Pilot]

"Pray when you don't want to. When "you don't have time". When "you're too busy." Pray until you love it. Pray until you can't sleep unless you do. Pray until it's no longer a chore, but a need. Pray until you feel the joy and humility in prostrating to your Creator.

................................

Sometimes the reason good things are not happening to you

is because you are the good thing that needs to happen to other people.

...............................

"We focus on everyone else's blessings, but we forget our own.

Then we wonder why we are unhappy, because we aren't appreciative of what Allah has given us. Allah blesses everyone differently. Alhamdulillah. With patience and prayer, Allah will give you what you want and He will give you more than you ever asked for.

And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, "If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]..." [Surah Ibrahim, 14: 7]

: 11th October 2016.

: 9.45 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Distance is a test, a test from Allah to see

how much faith we have in Him and Him alone.

Undefined thoughts.

The One That Got Away [Katy Perry]

"The amount of love we receive in our lives is directly proportional to the love we give ourselves and others. As you increase your self-love you attract more love in your life."

-Matthew Boggs

............................

Truth be told, I am not a planner. My whole family seldom do a proper plan to almost everything. That is why I grow up not becoming a planner. However, I am so blessed with friends who plan. These friends of mine, I always respect them for the way they plan things, the way they organise what and which go first and what comes next, the way they prepare things ahead of time and the way they imagine what kind of things they want later in life. To say I don't do all those is entirely not true, I do imagine things and know what I want later in life, but to properly plan towards my future life is just what I suck at. 

In one of my conversations with my dear friends, she told me I can start planning things from now on. She even said I am lucky to have a goal to work on and I can get things done by next year. But the thing is, I don't even know what am I doing at the moment. I have no plans, I don't know what is in store for me, I don't even know what to do and I just don't have any preparation at all for my future. All I do is to just go to school, do my job, go back and rest, hang out with friends, spend money on food and all the finer things in life and get my salary. Saving? Oh no, please don't ask me that. I don't even know where do all my money go. So how can you be so sure I will get things done by next year? Because seriously, I don't think I can. Unless, there is a miracle. Or a twist of plan. Or anything. Or whatever, I am just too lazy to think about it.

Honestly, I don't really like it when people say that hey, you ought to get married by next year. Or hey, you should have at least ten thousands in the bank at this stage. Or hey, you should have a house by now. People have their own pace in accomplishing all these. So please, if a person is unable to accomplish one of those, please don't judge them. It is unfair to say that a person who has no saving in the bank is a spendthrift. Who knows he or she has to use up all the money for the family? It is unfair to say that a person is unattractive or unworthy of love or even too choosy if he or she is not yet married by the age of 30 years old. Who knows that he or she has tried her best getting to know a lot of people, but no one is willing to understand him or her? Who knows? 

So dear friends, please be considerate in giving remarks for life goals or accomplishments. Not all people are as blessed as you. So, please. 

...........................

"You are only invisible to those who do not deserve to see you."

: 9th October 2016.

: 10.30 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Let's fast tomorrow, dearest.

What love is.

Have I told you lately that I love you [Rod Steward]

What is love? My gorgeous housemate and I always have this conversation of what is love. I guess most of us do. To be honest with you, I do not know what love is supposed to mean. Yeah, really. What is love, romantically speaking? Does it mean you always think about the other person? Or does it mean you are willing to do something for that person? How about actions? Words? Which one comes first? So if people love you, does it mean you have to love that person back? Or the other way around? Does love mean you have to give all your heart and come what may you will do anything for the person you love? Or does honour come first like Rudolf Rassendyll in the Prisoner of Zenda? Oh, love is complicated. 

Even if I am not in a position to fully experience what love is (romantically speaking) since I am not yet married, I have been observing how people around me love each other. And you know what I found? I found that:

1. Love is when you can speak up your thoughts without the fear of being judged.
2. Love is when you accept the other person's strengths and weaknesses alike. 
3. Love is when you do not try to change the other person to be what you have always expected them to be.
4. Love is when you still eat the meal that your beloved prepared though the taste is not up to your liking.
5. Love is when you offer to lend a hand with the house chores even if you are so d*mn tired after work.
6. Love is when you still accompany your beloved to do the things they like even if you hate doing those things (grocery shopping for example?).
7. Love is when you can afford to let your beloved laze around in pajamas during their day off (or maybe join them?).
8. Love is when you can stay next to them when they can never stop talking or crying.  
9. Love is when you let the other person has their own personal time like hanging out with their friends without you tagging along.
10. Love is when you trust the other person that you let them read through your messages.
11. Love is when you never hesitate to share the news (be it good or bad) with your beloved first before anyone else. 
12. Love is when even you disagree with the other person's thoughts or ideas, you do not raise your voice or shout right in their face.
13. Love is when you put your hand-phone down and in silent mode when you both are having your time together. 
14. Love is when you feel the other person is not doing their work, you remind them instead of keeping it inside and later on be angry with them without them knowing why.
15. Love is when you are so angry with the other one, yet you still eat together.
16. Love is when you learn to think positive and make excuses for the other one for turning up late (or forgetting to fetch you on time). 
17. Love is when you think of the other person and mention their name every time someone else (maybe a more attractive person than the one with you) try to flirt with you.
18. Love is when you still wait for the other person even if you are soooo starving or sleepy.
19. Love is when you call the other person to ask when are they coming back or when you just want to see how they are doing at work (or something).
20. Love is when you bring back the food or things they like after you have gone for a trip or an outstation.

And the most important thing is: 

• Love is when you always keep that person in your prayers.  

....................

 "If you cannot swallow your pride,

you are not thirsty enough for her love."

- Pierre Jeanty

: 27th August 2016.

: 11.10 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I heard one of my friends is having problems with love.

I really hope they can overcome that.

Even if I am a pessimist (at times), I do want all people to have their happily ever after.

I will just smile widely today.

When you say nothing at all [Ronan Keating]

"Look at yourself as a colour. You may not be everybody's favourite colour but believe me, one day you will meet someone who needs you to complete his picture."

......................

"You don't need to promise me the moon and the stars,

just promise me you will stand under them with me forever."

......................

My exact question, almost every single day of my life (now). Ahha.

.................

Just before I rushed to that Form 1 class, the school clerk told me there was a parcel for me. I was clueless as I told her that as far as I could remember, I didn't even buy anything online or ask my mother to post me things. So, after I got back from that class, I went straight to the office.

The moment I saw the name on the parcel, I smiled. Aishh, why did you take my words seriously? Ahhaa. If that isn't sweet, I don't know what is. Thanks, dear. I don't think I deserve such sweet gesture from anyone; especially from you. Thanks, I really like it. May Allah shower you with more blessings for such kind gesture :)

: 10th April 2016.

: 11.57 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I found my mouth saying to other people the words I should tell to myself.

Is this how it feel to be heartbroken?

Dear heart,

Don’t assume you mean anything special to a person if they don’t show you and very confirm that’s how they feel. Don’t put on your detective hat and try to figure out if x means y and that leads to z. Because if a person cares for you, they will make it known. And you deserve a person that makes it known how much you mean to them.

...........................

 "Continue to share your heart with people

even if it has been broken."

-Amy Poehler, Harvard Speech

..........................

"To heal a wound, you need to stop touching it."

: 25th December 2015.

: 11.55 p.m.

: Penang, Malaysia.

: A few days ago, I tried my best to do something.

Now, when it doesn't go my way, I feel so depressed.

I should stop being so and move along, right?

Soulmates, emails, updates and memories.

When you lose your way and the fight is gone,

Your heart starts to break

And you need someone around now.

Just close your eyes while I put my arms above you,

And make you unbreakable.

Jamie Scott - Unbreakable 

....................

Looking back at last holiday, I spent more time in the house than going out. It's not that I don't want to go out and hang out with my dear friends, but the thing is, things are never the same anymore. Most of my friends are unreachable now. One of my dearest is already married, so she's off the list. I can't bring myself to ask her out like I used to. To be honest with you, I am starting to feel lonely, especially when holidays are approaching. I am no longer a teenager with a lot of free time to kill. That particular statement is starting to sink in my brain and as soon as it hits me, I am beginning to understand that; first, my friends are no longer teenagers too; second, they are grown-ups with work, commitment and love lives to attend to; and third, we are no longer bound with the same holiday time (except Eid, Christmas and Chinese New Year holidays). So, that means holidays are no longer the same now, and my list of friends to hang out with is getting shorter month by month. 

However, despite that, I still have my 'siblings time' which I am beginning to love. My siblings and I have been developing this weird habit of watching night movies together at the nearest cinema since last year. Though some of the movies that we watched were kinda lame and money-wasting, it is the time that we spend together that makes it worth the money and time. Well, that was until I realised my purse was no longer thick, I had to recalculate the importance of this 'siblings time' for future reference. Still, we did have fun! Hehehe.

Have I told you I am getting forgetful too? Oh yes. I don't know whether I should blame it on my aging process or my brain's lack of exercise but I tend to forget things easily these days. Being said that, I forgot to bring my laptop charger back to Jeli. So, in the end, I had to survive one whole week in Jeli without laptop. Thank God I changed my handphone last year. At least I can still browse through the internet using my handphone. So instead of just randomly browsing through Facebook and stalking people whom I never made any acquaintance with, I opted to reading since our broadband data was nearing its quota. Yeah, I have been reading non-stop since my laptop was lifeless.

I indeed have a lot of fun reading as I was going through a bunch of stories posted in a site which I almost forgot about its existence. Almost. Oh, my heart was going to burst from all the mixed feelings I have been having while reading those cute, awesome and beautifully written stories. Some of the stories are sooooooo beautifully written and I ended up drowning in the storyline and almost choked in the sea of feelings for falling in love with the characters. Who said we cannot fall in love with stories? I can, and I am falling in love with the characters as each chapter unfolds. *sigh* Oh, how can you, dear writers write soooooooo damn well? 

I am so in love with the stories that I decided to become a member of the site so I can privilegedly read the stories over and over again. In between my excitement and eagerness, I didn't realise that the site was in the middle of reconstruction and has yet to be opened to public. Without knowing how, I became a member and the admins were puzzled by this. I ended up getting a chain of emails asking how did I find and navigate myself through the 'reconstruction' as they called it. I was totally clueless. Did I just hack into the system without me knowing? Wow, I didn't know that I, the technically incompetent human being in technology wise, have the capability of being a hacker. Wow. I am blown away by this. Wow.

And my days could never be any eventful without the radio I have been listening to (using my handphone of course). Thank you, radio. Thank you, radio announcers for such awesome songs you guys played. 

Oh well, struggling days without visual entertainment are finally ending. Today, I got a parcel from my mom with a laptop charger in it. Thanks Mom, love you so much!

.........................

“I believe you’re apologizing to me.”

He chuckled.  “And you’re not making it easy for me.”

: 29th March 2015.

: 10.10 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I hope the writers will keep updating the stories 
because I had enough of unfinished love stories in real life now.
Please don't disappoint me. Ahha.

The Perks of Being Single.

Geek In The Pink [Jason Mraz]

Why You Need To Know Your Own Soul 

Before You Look For A Soulmate

I’m a firm believer you can’t have a meaningful relationship with someone until you’ve had one with yourself. And you can’t possibly have one with yourself if you’re always dating someone else.

That’s why when you see people who are single, you shouldn’t think of them as alone, but as if they are in an intense and meaningful relationship with themselves.

If you don’t absolutely love the person you’re left with, then you’re truly alone. You’re not ready for a real relationship until you’ve reached one with yourself.

You’re not looking for someone to complete you, 

but complement you.

You complete yourself. You know who you are and what makes you happy. You find your happiness in your love for yourself, not someone else.

You know your soulmate will add to your life, but won’t ever make your life. You found your purpose long ago and no one can ever take that away from you or replace it.

You’re completely and absolutely in love with the only person who matters and your soulmate will just complement that love.

Your goals are for yourself, 

not about someone else.

Loving yourself means having real goals, not just relationship ones. Your relationship with yourself is enough and the only thing you’re working toward is the kind of work to fulfill and sustain you for the rest of your life.

Unlike the relationships so many strive for, you’ve found a relationship within yourself and are working toward something to complete you in another way.

You already know who you are, 

so you aren’t trying to be someone else.

Most relationships aren’t real because the people in them aren’t. Too many men and women refuse to take the time to get to know themselves and instead just become copies of people they think they need to be.

They pick up personalities and personas, usually realizing too late they don’t even like the people they’re pretending to be.

When you’ve spent enough time alone, you know who you are and who you’ll never be. You’re free to enter a relationship without the danger of losing yourself.

extract taken from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/need-know-soul-look-soulmate/936336/

.............................

The biggest mistake one can make is
losing yourself in the process of
valuing someone too much
and forgetting you are special too.

: 14th February 2015.

: 4.50 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I think my problem is; I am too comfortable being single.

Everyone around me is worried for me,

but I just feel comfortable with my life now.
Is that even a problem?

He is Ar-Rahman

Nouman Ali Khan (Lessons from Surah Ar-Rahman)

..................

Allah is Ar-Rahman;

The Most Delicate to me,

no matter how rough my day is.

: 12th January 2014.

: 9.45 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: These days, everytime I recite the Quran,

when I look at the translation,

it feels like He is talking to me.

One Million Stars Falling from the Sky.

Angin Syurga [Misha Omar]

This dark mystery drama written by Eriko Kitagawa is not the usual fare of romantic love comedy that you might expect from the screen writer who also penned Beautiful Life and Orange Days. 

Katase Ryo (Kimura) is working as a chef at a pricey restaurant and is a womanizer. Women are only accessories and if he tires of them, he gets rid of them in any way possible. When a presumed suicide turns out to be murder, detective Dojima Kanzo (Sanma) crosses paths with Katase. 

A cat and mouse game starts with Katase raising the stakes when Dojima's little sister falls for him and Kanzo is determined to save his sister no matter the consequences.  

As the story continues, a dark past in Kanzo's life also start to rise and open an unimaginable connection between him, his sister, and Katase Ryo.  

This drama is one of Kimura Takuya's best appearance and Ryo is arguably Kimura Takuya’s darkest role to date.

.................

"I don't believe in love. I don't know what love is. But I loved you."

[Katase Ryo, Sora Kara Furu Ichioku no Hoshi]

: 11th January 2015.

: 6.30 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: This is the drama series that get me hooked for the past few days.

No matter what ridiculous posts that I get at school,

no matter which naughty students misbehave in my class,

let Takuya Kimura's smiles heal my wound.

Goodbye Atod.

I love you, you love me, we are happy family

This is what Atod looked like.

....................

"What greater gift than the love of a cat."

[Charles Dicken]

: 7th January 2015.

: 10.11 a.m.

: Penang, Malaysia.

: I woke up this morning, trying to find Atod.

I thought she was up to something outside of the house.

It turned out she was lying dead in a pool of blood at the corner of the road.

My heart broke into pieces.

What about my love life?

Cintamu ini sudah meracuniku

....................

I am no princess.

I am merely human.

: 7th January 2014.

: 12.45 a.m.

: Penang, Malaysia.

: Suddenly I feel like reading The Hobbit. No no no.

A disturbing read.

The truth is you're, you're gone.

A woman who is a victim of domestic violence called 911 for help but was unable to directly discuss of what was happening to her so she used a code-like conversation by starting to order a pizza. 

Fortunately, the dispatcher did not take her call lightly, instead he became intuitive and analyzed her situation very carefully. 

Read the transcript of the conversation between the victim and the dispatcher and noticed how well their thoughts were connected to each other. 

"911, where is your emergency?" 

"123 Main St." 

"Ok, what's going on there?" 

"I'd like to order a pizza for delivery." (oh great, another prank call). 

"Ma'am, you've reached 911" 

"Yeah, I know. Can I have a large with half pepperoni, half mushroom and peppers?" 

"Ummm…. I'm sorry, you know you've called 911 right?" 

"Yeah, do you know how long it will be?" 

"Ok, Ma'am, is everything ok over there? do you have an emergency?" 

"Yes, I do." 

"..And you can't talk about it because there's someone in the room with you?" (moment of realization) 

"Yes, that's correct. Do you know how long it will be?" 

"I have an officer about a mile from your location. Are there any weapons in your house?" 

"Nope." 

"Can you stay on the phone with me?" 

"Nope. See you soon, thanks"

According to the dispatcher, he checked the history of the address given by the lady and found out that there were records of multiple domestic violence from the previous calls. 

Finally, the officer arrived at the house and immediately saw the lady in bad shape with her drunk boyfriend. Her partner was arrested for beating her. 

The dispatcher said that she was intelligent to pull that kind of trick and that emergency call is the most memorable one for him. 

Source: Story shared from Reddit. 

...........................

I seldom read articles liked by my friends on Facebook, however, the above article caught my eyes. Domestic violence may perceived as something common and not-so-shocking nowadays, however, the above case shows something more than any other ordinary domestic violence case. If you read carefully to the conversation, you might think, "Oh, she's so clever to be able to 'code' her emergency situation and get help from her code-like conversation."

However, for me, as I read it, I find that it is disturbing to see that how she is trying so hard to reach out for help but she just couldn't say it out loud. She was probably in pain and misery for quite some time, who knows, maybe one year, two years or even ten years? And throughout those years, how many times she had probably tried her best to reach out for help but no one, no one was able to decipher the code that she was giving, thinking that she was probably just engaging in a normal, ordinary conversation. Thinking that she was probably an ordinary woman with ordinary life. 

But the truth is, she was not an ordinary woman leading an ordinary life. She was stuck in a hell-worse situation ever (pardon me for my language, I just can't stop myself from using it in this case) and she couldn't get herself out from it without the help from others. She was one of those people who even though in suffering, chose to wait and desperately hoped that one day, other people would notice and lend her their hands.This is just one case, how about other people who are just like her? Where are they? How long have they been waiting for us to notice?

This is in fact so disturbing to me. I just can't help feeling helpless and angry reading cases like this. It pains me to see how people are tortured because of the wrong relationship they are in. Domestic violence is disturbing. How can people stand through it because of love? If someone you love hurts you, it is not love. And if you love someone, you do not hurt that person. 

Because to me, to love is to protect. That includes protecting the ones you love from your own evil.

: 31st October 2014.

: 2.10 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: The poem of the day: I Got Flowers Today.

How many countries are there?

La Vida Sin Amor

.......................

I envy those who found love at first sight. You know. It's like they met each other coincidently, let's say in a cafe, and they struck a conversation and kept in touch and tadaaaaaa~ after some time, despite all odds, they realised they fall in love with each other. Oh my. It is soooo enviable. 

I guess, love is indeed a mystery. What more in the manner of falling in love.

: 6th September 2014.

: 09.00 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: All of the sudden, I wonder how many countries are there in this world?

What makes them independent? And what languages they use?

Ohh, guys in suits.

Welcome to the Hotel California

You might be wondering what am I up to, seeing me not on Facebook and not on Twitter or any other social network like always. Oh yeah, I've been wondering myself too. What am I doing? What is the thing that make me sooooo preoccupied offline? 

Let me tell you what is the thing, or rather who is that person.

Introducing you.....tadaaaaaa....

Oh, guys in suits. Hotness. Harvey Specter? Oh, even the word hotness can't describe him. 

Thanks to one of my secondary school friends. She is the one who got me into him. Cheeky girl. You knew my taste sooo well. Ahhaha. I think we both have the same taste in men. Urmm but not all. Some, maybe. Hehehe.

...................

I can't wait for the upcoming school holidays which will due in less than two weeks now. 

Yehuuuu yabedabeduuuuuu.

: 22nd September 2014.

: 10.50 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: How can a middle age man look soooo dashing? Life begins at forty, huh?

My definition of hot guys?

Baby now and forever, until the time is through

This is random I know but I am getting bored marking my students' exam papers. So, to keep me refreshed and energised (feeling giddy giddy ahhaha over betul), here...let me tell you my definition of hot guys (though in real life I won't be able to have one for myself, wuwuuuwuu life is cruel).

My definition of hot guys:

1) Guys who exercise and keep their (hot) body fit.

Please take me with you for jogging!

2) Guys in suits. *swooooon* 

Don't you dare look at me with that piercing hot gaze in that hot suits. And drop that phone!

3) Guys who take a good care of their kids and pet.

A loving, responsible man is a real man. 

Awww, please take me too! But can you leave the dog somewhere else? *puppy eyes

and....last but not least...

4) Guys who pray and never once forget to do so.

:)

.....................

A girl can dream, right?

;)

: 6th September 2014.

: 03.50 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Hihihi. Now I can continue marking! :p