That one funny dream.

Fix you [Coldplay]

"Sometimes it is the people no one imagines anything of

who do the things no one can imagine."

-Alan Turing, The Imitation Game

...................

"Positive thinking isn't ignoring life's problems,

it's understanding that Allah can make 

a way out for you if you sincerely try."

-Sheykh Omar

...................

Last night, I had a funny dream. It was so funny that I couldn't wipe away my grin even after I woke up. And later on in the evening, I had a stomachache. Too much laughing, I guess. 

You know what, it's funny how you once hated an idea so much that you couldn't even bear the thought of it and suddenly after quite some time, you begin to find that heyy it's not a bad idea at all. It is even funnier when you even question yourself (and your conscience) why on earth you hated that idea in the first place. It must be something wrong with yourself at that moment. And now, even if you think it is not a bad idea at all, you just can't undo what you have made others think of what you used to think back during those days. Ahhahaha. I guess growing up does not only mean changing in terms of physical growth but it also means changing our perspectives on certain things as well. Happy growing up, dear self. Now, laugh at your old childish way of seeing things. Go on. Laugh at yourself now. 

: 29th September 2015.

: 10.40 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Today, the school counselor and I altogether with 58 students

went for a seminar on career paths at one of the tertiary institutes here in Jeli.

National Treasure.

Lion Heart [SNSD]

"You are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection in yourself and others, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you."

Lisa Kleypas, Love in the Afternoon 

.................

When reading, we don't fall in love with the characters' appearance. We fall in love with their words, their thoughts and their hearts. We fall in love with their souls.

.................

I don't know why but these days I find that she is getting more beautiful to the extent that I even question myself why I never paid any particular attention to her before. Maybe it has something to do with the power of love (though it is broken now). Or maybe, it has something to do with her skincare routine. Or maybe both? Though I think it has a lot more to do with how she brings herself (ehh pulak).

Well, anyway, to look beautiful, one must feel beautiful. To feel beautiful, one has to love oneself. And to love oneself, one has to first value his or her life. Like someone once said to me (or maybe I read it somewhere I just can't remember where now) that you'll find beauty in your life and enjoy every moment of it once you realise that you'll never get the same moment twice. By doing that, you will find life becomes more meaningful and happiness will shine from your face. And you know what, when you are happy, you will look pretty. Well said (or well-written). I guess instead of worrying of the unknowns, it's better for me to just appreciate and savour every moment in my life now and be grateful. Right?

: 28th September 2015.

: 11.20 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I watched National Treasure (2004) yesterday and 

just finished watching National Treasure 2 (2007) half an hour ago.

How reminiscing actually works.

Doushiteeeeeeeee [Tohoshinki]

"The earliest memories of me are the ones that I remember the most. I cannot recall what happened to me six months ago, let alone two weeks ago. As time passes, pieces and traces of a memoir are slowly recollecting; while things that are happening in this brief now are being recaptured, then forgotten, and finally, retraced."

.....................

This guy reminds me of kani.

Kani= crab.

The best thing of watching this guy in the Japanese shows is the food that he ate.

Tonkutsu ramen? Sushi zanmai? Takoyaki? Kani? 

Urghhh, what a tease. I want fooooooood!

....................

I know that I always write about past memories-- my longing for the past; however, no matter how I tried so hard not to think of the past memories, I just could not stop doing that. And today, out of all the old videos I have in my collection, I decided to watch Tohoshinki's Japanese shows. I don't know why but after I reached home from school, I suddenly had this urge to watch them speaking Japanese, so yeah, that led to me being a bit emotional reminiscing the old times. Maybe I had enough of listening to English and Kelantanese dialect, I supposed. Ahhaha. But watching them makes me think of the times when I followed them and the times when I was an active member of the fandom. 

After the fandom has been split into two (ohh the drama I still remember ohhhh the drama of the year ahhaha), I find that it is hard for me to keep up with the fandom(s) anymore. I am no longer active in following that mismatched eyes now (I don't even watch the drama he is in ahhaaa sorry dear) and I guess that makes me feel a bit melancholic and guilty? (maybe but not really oppssss e he he he). With three of them are in the military now and this mismatched eyes will soon follow their footsteps, I guess there is nothing in store for me at the moment. And to tell you the truth, it doesn't feel the same anymore. Time does change people's hearts, huh? My heart to be exact. Plus, work and life have finally caught up with me. Not that I'm complaining though. Life has to go on, right people? Move along move along now.

: 13th September 2015.

: 9.55 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I find it cute to watch them struggling to find the right words in Japanese.

I understand that struggle so much.

The struggle of learning the second language.

Of that awkward yet sweet two.

I can't forget your love [2PM]

"You all have a little bit of 'I want to save the world' in you, that's why you're here, in college. I want you to know that it's okay if you only save one person, and it's okay if that person is you."

.....................

The problem is you are too busy holding on to your unworthiness.

—  Ram Dass

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"People will always say things about your look and personality. Don't take it personally and make big changes to meet their expectation. What's more important is what you say to yourself. Always keep a positive attitude about your own self image."

One of my friends was amazed at my ability to sleep like a log on a moving vehicle.There was also this one girl who happened to sit beside me on a bus from Pudu to Butterworth (this happened a few years back)--she said to me, "Wah, best nya tido." A ha ha haaa. Of course I had such a great time sleeping because when I am not driving, I shall rejoice in my slumber. 

: 8th September 2015.

: 9.00 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: On my way back from my Physics extra class today, it was raining heavily.

All of the sudden, my thoughts went to an old programme I used to watch.
And here I am re-watching the first episode of that show. Aishhh memories.

Imagine being in their shoes.

Home 

by Warsan Shire

no one leaves home unless
home is the mouth of a shark
you only run for the border
when you see the whole city running as well

your neighbors running faster than you
breath bloody in their throats
the boy you went to school with
who kissed you dizzy behind the old tin factory
is holding a gun bigger than his body
you only leave home
when home won’t let you stay.

no one leaves home unless home chases you
fire under feet
hot blood in your belly
it’s not something you ever thought of doing
until the blade burnt threats into
your neck
and even then you carried the anthem under
your breath
only tearing up your passport in an airport toilets
sobbing as each mouthful of paper
made it clear that you wouldn’t be going back.

you have to understand,
that no one puts their children in a boat
unless the water is safer than the land
no one burns their palms
under trains
beneath carriages
no one spends days and nights in the stomach of a truck
feeding on newspaper unless the miles travelled
means something more than journey.
no one crawls under fences
no one wants to be beaten
pitied

no one chooses refugee camps
or strip searches where your
body is left aching
or prison,
because prison is safer
than a city of fire
and one prison guard
in the night
is better than a truckload
of men who look like your father
no one could take it
no one could stomach it
no one skin would be tough enough

the
go home blacks
refugees
dirty immigrants
asylum seekers
sucking our country dry
niggers with their hands out
they smell strange
savage
messed up their country and now they want
to mess ours up
how do the words
the dirty looks
roll off your backs
maybe because the blow is softer
than a limb torn off

or the words are more tender
than fourteen men between
your legs
or the insults are easier
to swallow
than rubble
than bone
than your child body
in pieces.
i want to go home,
but home is the mouth of a shark
home is the barrel of the gun
and no one would leave home
unless home chased you to the shore
unless home told you
to quicken your legs
leave your clothes behind
crawl through the desert
wade through the oceans
drown
save
be hunger
beg
forget pride
your survival is more important

no one leaves home until home is a sweaty voice in your ear
saying-
leave,
run away from me now
i dont know what i’ve become
but i know that anywhere
is safer than here

: 2nd September 2015.

: 08.19 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: With all the riots and chaos in certain parts of the world,

there are a lot of refugees who are having tough time finding a safe place to stay.

To some, they are just a nuisance to their country and they couldn't care less about them.

Read this, and try picturing yourself in their shoes.
See, now our problems seem so little compared to them.