Orange Lotus.

Sad Love [Feast of God OST]

“You’re very stubborn and unpredictable.  I long have realized that.  You may look as delicate as spun glass but you’re not.”

“A compliment at its finest.” 

...................

Someone is going away. 

I think I should make a post bidding goodbye and all the best.

Don't worry, it is not the end of the world.

.....................

Again, here I am, ransacking through my online history and in each clicking of the mouse, I fall deeper in a dark hole called nostalgia. 

Not that I am complaining though.

: 30th March 2015.

: 9.30 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: That small, sporty car and a meadow of yellow sunflowers.

Soulmates, emails, updates and memories.

When you lose your way and the fight is gone,

Your heart starts to break

And you need someone around now.

Just close your eyes while I put my arms above you,

And make you unbreakable.

Jamie Scott - Unbreakable 

....................

Looking back at last holiday, I spent more time in the house than going out. It's not that I don't want to go out and hang out with my dear friends, but the thing is, things are never the same anymore. Most of my friends are unreachable now. One of my dearest is already married, so she's off the list. I can't bring myself to ask her out like I used to. To be honest with you, I am starting to feel lonely, especially when holidays are approaching. I am no longer a teenager with a lot of free time to kill. That particular statement is starting to sink in my brain and as soon as it hits me, I am beginning to understand that; first, my friends are no longer teenagers too; second, they are grown-ups with work, commitment and love lives to attend to; and third, we are no longer bound with the same holiday time (except Eid, Christmas and Chinese New Year holidays). So, that means holidays are no longer the same now, and my list of friends to hang out with is getting shorter month by month. 

However, despite that, I still have my 'siblings time' which I am beginning to love. My siblings and I have been developing this weird habit of watching night movies together at the nearest cinema since last year. Though some of the movies that we watched were kinda lame and money-wasting, it is the time that we spend together that makes it worth the money and time. Well, that was until I realised my purse was no longer thick, I had to recalculate the importance of this 'siblings time' for future reference. Still, we did have fun! Hehehe.

Have I told you I am getting forgetful too? Oh yes. I don't know whether I should blame it on my aging process or my brain's lack of exercise but I tend to forget things easily these days. Being said that, I forgot to bring my laptop charger back to Jeli. So, in the end, I had to survive one whole week in Jeli without laptop. Thank God I changed my handphone last year. At least I can still browse through the internet using my handphone. So instead of just randomly browsing through Facebook and stalking people whom I never made any acquaintance with, I opted to reading since our broadband data was nearing its quota. Yeah, I have been reading non-stop since my laptop was lifeless.

I indeed have a lot of fun reading as I was going through a bunch of stories posted in a site which I almost forgot about its existence. Almost. Oh, my heart was going to burst from all the mixed feelings I have been having while reading those cute, awesome and beautifully written stories. Some of the stories are sooooooo beautifully written and I ended up drowning in the storyline and almost choked in the sea of feelings for falling in love with the characters. Who said we cannot fall in love with stories? I can, and I am falling in love with the characters as each chapter unfolds. *sigh* Oh, how can you, dear writers write soooooooo damn well? 

I am so in love with the stories that I decided to become a member of the site so I can privilegedly read the stories over and over again. In between my excitement and eagerness, I didn't realise that the site was in the middle of reconstruction and has yet to be opened to public. Without knowing how, I became a member and the admins were puzzled by this. I ended up getting a chain of emails asking how did I find and navigate myself through the 'reconstruction' as they called it. I was totally clueless. Did I just hack into the system without me knowing? Wow, I didn't know that I, the technically incompetent human being in technology wise, have the capability of being a hacker. Wow. I am blown away by this. Wow.

And my days could never be any eventful without the radio I have been listening to (using my handphone of course). Thank you, radio. Thank you, radio announcers for such awesome songs you guys played. 

Oh well, struggling days without visual entertainment are finally ending. Today, I got a parcel from my mom with a laptop charger in it. Thanks Mom, love you so much!

.........................

“I believe you’re apologizing to me.”

He chuckled.  “And you’re not making it easy for me.”

: 29th March 2015.

: 10.10 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I hope the writers will keep updating the stories 
because I had enough of unfinished love stories in real life now.
Please don't disappoint me. Ahha.

Frozen.

Let it go, let it gooooooo

..............

Perhaps you might be asleep while the doors of Heaven 

are knocking with tens of supplications for you,

by a poor person you aided 

or a sad person you cheered up

or a distressed person you brought relief to.

Therefore, do not underestimate doing good at all.

-Ibn Qayyim (RA)

: 12th March 2015.

: 07.10 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I have extra classes this school holiday.

One class PT3, two classes for SPM.

And my reward is; meeting my friends in Kuala Terengganu.

Please pray for me. I will be driving alone from Jeli to Kuala Terengganu.

The most important thing in communication is...

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you

.... hearing what isn't said.

....................

I hope one day you find someone

who makes flowers grow

in even the saddest parts of you.

....................

The greatest gift you can give someone 

is the space to be his or herself,

without the threat of you leaving.

....................

"If everyone is pleased with you 

but Allah is not,

what have you gained?

And if Allah is pleased with you

but no one else is,

what have you lost?

: 11th March 2015.

: 5.40 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I have just got back home after a meeting in another school.

I was doing fine throughout the meeting  until someone mentioned 
they need someone to go for a course in KL.

And when they kept mentioning "young teachers", 
I was so close to scream my lungs out.

Thank God, I didn't. Silence is gold.

Pinocchio.

Sugar [Maroon 5]

................

What I love about Pinocchio (a Korean drama) is that it features on family love in a unique and heartwarming way. The love between both Grandfather and Dal Po, and both In Ha and Dad is so pure that it makes me feel good despite the not-so-good days and emotions I have been feeling after school. 

So, safe to say that, this drama is one of my favourite drama series this year. I hope more heartwarming drama will come out later. When I say heartwarming, it means that it has not only romantic element, but also family and friendship elements as well. The shows that make you feel good; not those that make you feel forever alone that kind of feeling. Ahha.

..................

“There are many times in life when I’m made to realize just how small this world truly is. I’m sure there’s been times in everyone’s lives when you meet a perfect stranger and come to realize their fate is intertwined with yours.” 

: 7th March 2015.

: 4.40 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I need more feel good drama now. 

Can someone tell me, what is our real priority in teaching?

You've got that James Dean's daydream look in your eyes

Some people are so broken,

they get mad at you for being so whole.

.................

We waste so many days waiting for weekend.

So many nights waiting for morning.

Our lust for future comfort

is the biggest thief of life.

[Joshua Glenn Clark]

................

Last few days were tiring for me. I was out of the school, going for courses and meetings from last Tuesday until this week's Tuesday. I was only in the school on Sunday and I felt so behind in so many things. There are files waiting for me to complete, there are papers waiting for me to mark, there are talks waiting for me to give, there is a room waiting for me to decorate and there are students waiting for me to teach (or so I choose to believe). For having out of the school for quite some time, my students seemed to be more 'energetic' upon my return. And most of them, for their 'eagerness' to learn and to have me back in the class, they ended up being such a brat. 

After some thoughts, I feel that I am not a good teacher for my students. I am a person who can't do two things at the same time, and I have a very tough time in dividing myself into planning and teaching a lot of classes with different levels. This year I have one Form Three class in which they will be sitting for their PT3, two SPM classes; one class I have to teach them English and another one, I have to teach them Physics. Yeah, Physics. Haven't I told you I am teaching Physics this year? Yes, I am teaching Physics for Form 5 students this year and yes, I am an English major. 

I know, all of us have our own problems and I should be grateful for being trusted to teach Physics. Not everyone is able to teach it, and so do I but hey, they trust me, so what can I do. I should help them so yeah, I should never complain, right? 

But honestly, it is getting tougher day by day. With English to teach, and now Physics.

Anyway, please pray for me. Please pray that even if one day I stumble and fall down, I will be able to get up after that. Please. And thank you.

: 5th March 2015.

: 3.50 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Sometimes our heart needs more time 

to accept what our mind already know.