Up until today, I just don't understand how; with my messy mind and complicated thoughts, I am loved by others. I have a lot weaknesses, plus, no matter how people see me as someone who is calm and can help people in sorting their thoughts (I think), I am still a person who has a lot of insecurities and doubts about myself.
Always, not just sometimes, I feel rather unloved. Not that people around me don't love me enough, in fact they love me more than I deserve, but I always have this stupid thought that they just love me because I need love and support. One of my friends used to scold me a lot because of this stupid, irrational thought. But no matter how, I can't stop thinking that way once in a blue moon.
I know it is unfair for those who truly, genuinely love me. My family, for example. I know they love me so much, but when things are difficult, I want them to be by my side but mannnn, being in Jeli, distance just sucks. Oh, not just distance. The phone line also sucks, which contributes to poor internet connection. Oh man, you never know how much cursing I have done every single time the line has failed me. I know patience is a virtue, but hey, try being here and tell me about it.
I know I don't do justice to Jeli by condemning this place only. I admit, Jeli is a peaceful place, full of trees and by being surrounded by hills, the air is so fresh and most of the mornings are so cold (a good kind of cold) in which I like so much. Have I mentioned to you about the traffic? Oh man, the traffic is sooooooooooooo not like Penang. Traffic jam? Nah-neverrrrr. Oh, I take it back, once there was a traffic jam though, thanks to Le Tour de Langkawi. Not that I am complaining though, because.....sports is lifeeeeeee (at least to my beloved ones). I should see the good things in Jeli, right? I know, I know. But please, try to understand meeeeeeee.
So, at the end of this long post, I just want to say I thank Allah for you. Yes, you who without fail will love me despite all my messy thoughts and all my dark sides. Thanks, dear you (you know who you are). No matter what I might say or do, deep down I do cherish your presence in my life. Please continue to love me okay?
.............................................
Grammar note:
'You' can be a singular subject (pronoun)
or a plural subject.
You decide.
Hihi.
: 12th March 2017.
: 8.42 p.m.
: Jeli, Kelantan.
: My mom has transferred to Malacca.
So now I have two homes; one in Penang and one in Malacca.
Oh, distanceeeeeeeee. Sakit bahu cheq nak drive jauhhh.
