Sweet escape.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

25 things to do for a better week:

1. Sleep early and wake up early.
2. Pray and ask Allah SWT to be happy with you.
3. Smile to whoever you meet.
4. Learn to forgive and let go of the past.
5. Accept your own flaws.
6. Apologise for your mistakes.
7. Refuse to complain and don't say anything if you are angry.
8. Call your family and keep in touch with others.
9. Learn to breathe and sit in silence for a couple of minutes.
10. Remember good times and forget the bad.
11. Come early to class. 
12. Get organised and jot the important things down.
13. Be patient and keep calm.
14. Surround yourself with happy people.
15. Help others especially when they are in need.
16. Clean your room and do your own laundry.
17. Walk daily and enjoy the outdoors.
18. Tell others you care.
19. Surprise someone.
20. Take a break from electronics and read a book.
21. Speak kindly of others.
22. Appreciate what you have and say Alhamdulillah.
23. Think positive.
24. Have faith in others.
25. Eat more vegetables and fruits.

"Laughter is an instant vacation."

: 29th October 2011.

: 09.14 a.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Went for a mini vacation with a bunch of sweet girls.

Just the kind of sweet escape I needed.

Infinite love and thanks for you sweeties. xxx

.....no more.

Stop it now, please leave me alone

I've put an end to this.

So, let's not talk about this anymore, shall we?

.........................................................

Everyone, let's do our best okay? 

We've promised to smile through the tears, haven't we?

So, come on, come on! (^___^)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbybm5KBiNQ&feature=share

: 27th October 2011.

: 10.08 a.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: .....no more, please.

Wow.

(I'm too happy until I can't really pay attention to what song I'm listening now.)

Alhamdulillah.

I'm too happy right now.

No words can really describe how happy I am now.

Alhamdulillah.

 .....................................................

"Dan Dialah Allah (yang disembah), baik di langit maupun di bumi; Dia mengetahui apa yang kamu rahsiakan dan apa yang kamu lahirkan dan mengetahui (pula) apa yang kamu usahakan." [Al-An'aam 6: 3]

"Kerana boleh jadi kamu bencikan sesuatu, sedang Allah hendak menjadikan pada apa yang kamu benci itu kebaikan yang banyak (untuk kamu)." [An-Nisaa 4: 19]

........................................................

P/S: To anyone who faces a lot problems and trials in life, remember, every bad thing will eventually come to an end. To you my dear, it won't forever be raining. One day, the sun will come out and you will be blessed with the beautiful rainbow. When that time comes, don't forget to give praises to Allah. Alhamdulillah.

: 25th October 2011.

: 01.39 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Despite the gloomy weather, today is actually a very good day.

Renew.

Surah Al-Baqarah

"The difference between try and triumph is a little umph."

Yoshh!

: 24th October 2011.

: 10.04 a.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Wake up dear self, wake up!

Enough with all the drama tension and self-pity.

Let's do our best in this!

Empty.

Because your heart is empty

This is a story about the missing piece.

LOL

P/S: Dear friends, thanks for today.

: 23rd October 2011.

: 11.11 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: People say if you laugh too much you will end up crying.

And now, after those miserable days passed, I ended up laughing too much.

Silence.

...

"What shall I say to you? 

What can I say

Better than silence is?"

[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]

: 22nd October 2011.

: 10.49 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Silence is the loudest cry of a girl.

Micro...chip!

Now I'm just chillin', feel like I'm healing

[credit: sharingyoochun.net]

Such precious smiles.

: 21st October 2011.

: 02.17 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Gonna watch this once again.

Breathe Easy.

I can make it through the rain

"Do not try to run away from trials and tribulations, but endure them with patience. They cannot be avoided, and there is nothing for it but to endure them with patience. How can you expect the whole of this world, and all that has been created therein, to undergo change and transformation just to suit your convenience? The Prophets are the best of all creatures, yet they have always had to suffer afflication and so it is for their followers, those who tread in their footsteps as they walk along their highway, emulating their example."

(Muhyuddin Abdul Qadir Jilani)

: 20th October 2011.

: 03.08 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: A bright day it is now, despite the cold weather.

Sent and Replied.

Just stay strong

"Do we not all live trying to be a better person, but remain conflicted inside? 

I wish I could do better, but I just couldn't. 

This is me and this is what I am even if I tried to do better than this."

: 20th October 2011.

: 01.37 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: I'll be okay eventually, but I'll never be the same again.
'Coz it's damn tiring and I have had enough of this.

Coagulation.

I hate this part right here, I just can't take these tears

I've been patient all these while but after so many months, I broke down. Yes, I literary broke down. I’m exhausted, really exhausted. I kept telling myself that I’m stronger than I know myself to be, that I can’t quit because I have been standing strong for all these while. I kept telling myself that I’m worth something, that I’m not that useless piece of shit I kept thinking I was, that I'm not that ungrateful person who can't seem to be patient when I'm just tested with what most people would think as tiny little problem. It's just so tiny that people would just laugh over it and think that I'm such a weakling. Oh yes, I admit I am. And I hate myself for being one.

I looked at my childhood photographs that day and I really wanted to go back to those days where the only problem that I had was how to win over silly games with my friends and what to buy during recess at school. I wanted so much to go back to those days where I only broke down because my dad picked me up from school a little bit late than usual. And I, I wanted so much for someone to hug and cuddle me, telling me that I'm strong enough to face this and everything will be just fine, that everything will be just fine. 

I never fail to sigh whenever I see my friends' news feed on Facebook. Despite their life ranting, silly statuses and endless spam over Kpop, it's like they are having so much fun but here, look at me, look at my life, oh, can somebody just kill me please  can somebody swap place with me please. 

It's not that I'm not grateful over my life now, the truth is, I am really grateful being born as me, being born in my family, being where I am now, but my spirit just went down to the drain these few days. And I, I felt very extremely tired of all this, I felt very frustrated with what happened and is happening, and no matter how I kept reminding myself to be strong, to be optimistic, I couldn't help but find that everything is so damn exhausting. 

I have had enough, and I have started to fall deeper in the ground to the point that even simple tiny things have driven me up to the wall these few days. I just can't understand why it is so damn difficult for someone to say sorry and mean it. Sorry is just merely a word if you don't mean it. You can't just say sorry and after a while, you do the same thing again. Walk the talk please. And please, please stop taking me for granted. I might look like I don't give a damn about everything, but tell you what, I am no angel. I tried my best to forgive and understand the reasons why you did all that but hey, until when? Until when should I pretend that I'm not hurt at all? I am only human, I have feelings and I have my own limits.

After going through my 'good versus evil' self in me for a couple of times, I find everything, everything is so damn tiring, and I'm getting fed up with all this nonsense. I have tried my best to be strong, to fight the bad thoughts, to suppress the tears that I kept for a long time from spilling and to keep holding onto my patience, but as time passed by, I started to lose the ground. Everything started to fall into pieces and I hate to admit that today, as I realised that I have lost my battle with the irrationality and insensibility, I broke down terribly.

People keep thinking that I'm okay and they keep making fun of what I've been through, and it makes me feel even broken than ever before. No matter how I see it, this is not a joke. My problem is not a joke. Nobody's problem is a joke. So please, even if you think it's just a trivial matter, don't make fun of it. It hurts, really.

I have been constantly trying to calm myself down, to think through carefully and not do something stupid which might leave me to bleed alone. These few days, I have been letting my heart rule my head too much, far too much, thus, making me feel a million times more vulnerable than I have ever felt before and to be honest, I am not quite sure if I am hating or loving the person I’ve become.

Those who understand me well and know what I've been through would probably have anticipated this post because they know that the moment I try to be strong, is the moment that I’m at my weakest.

“O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” [2:153]

: 18th October 2011.

: 00.35 a.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: One of those nights that I just wanna curl under my blanket and cry my heart out.
And no, I'm not writing this to be understood or pitied, I'm writing this to heal my own broken self.

White Lily.

Ever since the day you left without telling me goodbye,

It feels like this city's landscape and smell have changed

"There was a snow-white lily

Grew by a cottage door:

Such a white and wonderful lily

Never was seen before."

[A Snow-White Lily by Alfred Austin]

: 15th October 2011.
: 10.54 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: I saw a vase full of white lilies yesterday.

Knock.

Because you make me believe in myself 

Dear Miss Aiskrim,

Happy Birthday!

Keep that smile of yours everyday.

Be strong, just the way you are now.

Thanks for everything.

May Allah bless you always.

P/S: Let's have one day off, just you and me, digging over a bowl of ice cream. 

: 13th October 2011.

: 00.13 a.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: A warm party for a warm-hearted person.

Can you smile?

And can you smile?

I couldn't help feeling a bit gloomy and sad these few days and the weather didn't help much, to begin with. I've been trying to call my mom for a couple of times already and she didn't even pick up. Maybe she's too busy or maybe it was my fault for the wrong timing but I couldn't stop myself from being sad and disappointed. I was thinking of contacting a few of my friends back in Malaysia but looking at how busy they are and how limited my phone credit is, I just sent them a few random messages.

I tried to watch a few variety shows with my mismatched eyes in it but since he's in the middle of his promotion in Japan, I couldn't get access and proper links to the shows he has been in. Oh, this is why I often reject the idea of him promoting in Japan for a very long period. I decided to watch my Gee-D for a change but something bad happened to him. To make things worst, I received a very heartbreaking news about my favourite J-pop group. Two of the members decided to leave the group! Nooooo! (T_T) Oh, as if I haven't had enough of separation and heartbreaking moments like this already. Until now, I couldn't get rid of the feeling of sadness every time I watch the old videos of five of them. Even if I kinda almost accept the fact that they are no longer together, every time I look at my mismatched eyes' smile, I couldn't stop myself from wondering whether he has moved on or he still missed the other three dorks. Oh, there must be something wrong with me, right? *sigh*

I tried to read a book given by my cousin but the story was too depressing at the beginning. Maybe as the plot develops it'll be better but I just couldn't continue reading it at that moment. I then resorted to sleeping as a way of escaping this some kind of sadness and loneliness. Then again, sleeping was not as sweet as I thought. For three days in a row, I've been having nightmares. It's not like any ordinary nightmare, it was really terrifying and disturbing. Until now, I've been having difficulties in getting myself to sleep in the dark, but thinking that dreams are only dreams, I just forced myself to sleep. Running away from it won't solve anything, right? It'll be better if I just face it on my own.

I wanted to get rid of this loneliness and sadness somewhere far away badly by spending more time with my friends, but looking at how troubled they already are with all the homework and personal problems, I just spent my days browsing through the internet aimlessly. Ahha (as if I don't have homework to do and articles to read). And from that aimless browsing, here is a list of random quotes and sentences that gave quite a deep impression on me. 

1. The chains of bad habits are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.
2. Forgiveness might make us look weak, but for Allah, the weakest person is the one who hold hatred and anger.
3. Everybody has their own stories. It'd be much better if we decide to fix our own mistakes first rather than judging people.
4. A person who has the ability of making another person smile is special.
5. When someone tells you about their problems, it doesn't mean they complain. It means they trust you.
6. Never take someone for granted, hold every person close to your heart.
7. If you think you're strong, try to wake up at Fajr.
8. The quieter you are, the more you are able to hear.
9. Love your parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old.
10. Before you complain about your untidy house think of the people living in the streets.
11. Pray. Because Allah always listens.

It's time to be positive, people. Positive! It's too gloomy to be gloomy. Positive!

: 11th October 2011.

: 5.55 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: You can be standing in a crowd of people and still be alone.

Rainbow.

After the rain, everybody watches the rainbow with smiles

[credit to the owner]

: 8th October 2011.

: 08.48 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Alhamdulillah, despite the weather, today was great.

Missing You.

You are the only one in my heart

“When something happens that you dislike, or that hurts you, be careful not to get lost in the illusion created by pain. Look through it. Find the message in the bottle. Find the purpose. And let it lead you to glimpse just a little more of Him.”

— Yasmin Mogahed

.......................................

I guess I shouldn't be saying too much that day.

Oh Allah, please help me.
A little more patience is what I need the most now.

.........................................

Oh, how I miss you too.

: 6th October 2011.

: 10.42 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: My body is here, but not my soul.

8 p.m.

If your sky is falling,

Just take my hand and hold it

"The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts." 

(Marcus Antonius)

I hate how I don’t have the guts to tell people when and why they upset me; I just end up developing grudges that pile up and make me feel like a terrible person, other than a horrible friend.

Oh Allah, please give me strength to be patient. I am just not that strong. 

: 3rd October 2011.

: 11.18 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: It was indeed a great gathering, right girls?

Thanks girls for that marvellous falooda ice cream and that awesome chilli sauce.

You girls just don't know how touched and grateful I am for that.

May Allah bless all of you. Ameeennn.