Of Aizen Sosuke, Hueco Mundo and an old manga.

Let me go, I don't wanna be your hero

........................

I spent my three-day-weekend by reading; particularly manga. I don't know why, but old habits die hard I guess. Even after I promised myself to move on from the childlike-world of manga and anime, the longing to read old manga came without me realising it. And after almost two years without manga (yup, the last time I read manga was actually the last year I was in the U.K), I finally clicked the manga site and bammmmm! I was glued to my chair and my eyes were strained for reading on the screen for a very looooooooooong period. Aishhh, I need to grow up!

Alas, I have been reading Bleach once again. I actually forgot what was the last chapter I read years ago, so, I randomly clicked on any chapter and yeah; I am now falling deeper into the twisting plot. And this time, instead of Hitsugaya Toushiro, the taichou who captured my heart from the beginning of the manga, I find that I am now attracted to Aizen Sosuke, the betrayer of the Soul Society. Oh gosh, he is the villain. Why did I find him attractive? Whyyyyyyyyy? (I think most probably because of his new hair ahhahaha :p )

*manga: Japanese comic                   *taichou: captain

..........................

"Don't underestimate the allure to darkness. 

Even the purest of hearts are drawn to it."

: 25th May 2015.

: 10.50 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Tomorrow, I am going to Pasir Puteh for a camp

with AADK; Agensi Anti-Dadah Kebangsaan.

It's Okay, That's Love.

You make me live

........................

For me, It's Okay, That's Love is one of the best melodrama that I have ever watched in Kdrama land. As most of us know, most of the Korean drama series revolve around sweet love story of a poor girl who has a whole load of aegyo falling in love with rich, handsome chaebol (most of the times; a spoilt brat). Such features are so common and even so, most people watch them because they love the idea of a happy ending in such an unrealistic love encounter between two people from an extreme opposite wealth status and background. Admit it, more often than not, we love watching these type of stories because we love to imagine and dream about how it will happen to us eventually. But well, in most cases, it won't happen to us.

However, this drama, even though it does feature a handsome and rich hero, this guy is no near to perfect. After a few episodes, we will come to our realisation that despite his so-called perfect life and smiles, this guy actually suffers from Schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is a mental disorder often characterized by abnormal social behavior and failure to recognize what is real. I have read somewhere that someone who was suffering from this illness mentioned; "With schizophrenia, my thoughts can be like pieces of a mismatched jigsaw puzzle." The inability to differentiate what is real and what is not is undeniably frustrating and depressing to those who suffer from it. This in a way will affect their whole lives and those whom they love. Therefore, throughout this drama, it is intriguing to watch how the girl confronts this revelation and how the guy is going to face his illness. 

To tell you honestly, watching this drama makes me feel both sad and happy. Sad to see how people often treat those who suffer from mental illnesses like they are similar to criminals and happy to see how this drama brings forward the idea that love, no matter what, is what helping people to understand, help and achieve what seemed impossible at first. If you need something different, please watch this drama. 

: 22nd May 2015.

: 2.50 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Are you doing okay, dear me?

We cooked chicken rice last night.

Birds chirping

A daily health checklist.

But first, let me laze around, reading this book near me in this small, quite dark but comfortable room (for me). I can hear the birds singing from far and oh, my housemate doing her laundry outside. I should open the door to signify that I am wide awake, but can I be lazy today? He he he.

: 22nd May 2015.

: 9.00 a.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Last night, one of my Jelian friends was being random by

asking me to accompany her to go shopping

and cook chicken rice together.

That's so random. But a nice kind of randomness.

Does the word 'appreciate' no longer exist?

Maria Mercedes OST [Thalia]

I wish my students won't end up saying this.

Because if they do, to regret is just too late.

..........................

One of my friends who sometimes spends her time reading my blog commented how my blog these days revolved around school and students. I admit it is true. Why? Because my days are filled with school stuffs and students. I guess I really need to break away from this environment some time later, if not I will not be able to learn new things and look at world in other perspective.

But first let me write something about Teacher's Day. Ahha.

I don't know when did this specific day for teachers is created, but since I was young, 16th May is Teacher's Day. The day when teachers are celebrated and are given a lot of presents as tokens of appreciation.

Teacher's Day is the same like Mother's Day and other days that are specifically allocated for certain celebration. Most of those days are intended for us to specially celebrate certain people. When it is Mother's Day, we will celebrate our mothers and as a teacher, when it is Teacher's Day, my students will celebrate this day by wishing me "Happy Teacher's Day" and giving me presents.

Honestly, I am so blessed for having a special day for the job I have now. Just because I am a teacher, I get to be celebrated every 16th May. My comrades who are also teachers, were celebrated and received a lot of presents too. However, in my case, even though I was celebrated as well, the amount of presents that I received was less than five. People said, "Don't worry. It's the thought that counts." Yeah, I agree, it is the thought that counts and as long as the students respect and appreciate you it is more than enough. Unfortunately, the students in my school lack such thoughts or in other word; appreciation.

Out of the 140 students I am teaching currently, only 15 students wished me and only 5 gave me presents. I am fine with that because I didn't expect much (as I am not close with students unlike other teachers), but when I saw how they didn't wish other teachers who have been teaching them for years, I was quite disappointed in them. I noticed that these students of mine do not know how to appreciate a person; what more their teachers. It seems like these students find that oh well, since it is Teacher's Day, we will cheer for the teachers when they sing and recite poems but after this day, we can treat you however we like. Because for them, only on Teacher's Day they need to cherish the teachers but not on other days.

This is the problem with having a specific day for celebrating a specific group of people. 

You see, when most youngsters nowadays are taught that a specific day is allocated to celebrate certain people, they will end up appreciating people only on that day. They won't realise that appreciating doesn't mean to throw a big party or give presents on that particular day, appreciating means to value and treat people with respect and love on every single day in their lives.

Let's learn to truly appreciate each other.

And let's start by appreciating our mother.

: 20th May 2015.

: 10.40 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I am learning how to appreciate my students' effort in learning.

Even if they didn't do well and failed in my paper,

I will have to learn to cherish and appreciate their effort in trying.

Like a child.

Je ne sais pas [Joyce Jonathan]

The above gifs remind me so much of the quarrel between my siblings and I when we were kids. For something so simple like losing in a game or purposely leaning towards them when the car turned right or left, we could even start World World 3 in the tiny car. And most of the times, when we were so into our 'battle' with each other, my mom would step in and with her mandate, she forced us to make truce for the sake of world peace. Or maybe at that time, her peace. 

Now, when we are grown ups, we spend less time picking fights with each other. It's not that I miss the tension and the looooooong 'battle' that I used to have with my siblings, it's just you know, I miss us. When we were in our siblings' battle, we got to choose which side to support and we did form an alliance in order to win the fight. Well, throughout the process of fighting, we actually forgot how and why did we even start the so-called battle of the century. We would do anything to win. We formed alliance, we destroyed the belonging of the opposite side, we even seek for support from the higher ups; our mom and dad. And usually, after a lot of destruction and time wasted, in the end, nobody won. 

Why? Because no matter how you hate your siblings, blood is thicker than water. In other words, in a sibling relationship, it is normal to both love and hate each other. We get to show our dissatisfaction and our love at the same time without having to hide those feelings. And, that is what making us closer. 

Oh, I miss the feeling of being closer to them; physically. I guess I should start thinking of reasons (excuses :p ) to hit them. Or maybe, I should just hug them instead. Which one do you think suit me best? A ha ha ha ha. I guess most of you will say the former instead of the latter :p

: 16th May 2015.

: 12.05 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: We all have the child in us.

Unleash it once in a while.

Be strong, dear kind heart.

Iman adalah mutiara di dalam hati manusia

........................

One of my dear friends called me and cried because of a student. 

Be strong dear. 

As a teacher, we have to have a steel heart sometimes.

Or in my case, most of the times.

Even so, don't let anyone make you feel down.

And no matter how hard everything is, be the kind-hearted you.

......................

This practically sums up my face 

when my students decided to be rude to me.

Oh no, not the girl's face.

It's the do-I-give-a-damn type of face. 

But honestly, deep inside, my reaction is similar to the girl.

Does this mean I have two personalities in me?

: 14th May 2015.

: 7.30 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: No. It's not that I have two personalities in me.

It's just how I decide to behave publicly.

Well admit it, we all have different type of reaction too, 

depending on where and who we are with.

There are several people living in each of us.

Hallucination [Jang Jae In]

.................................

Water is the softest thing,

yet it can penetrate mountains and earth.

This shows clearly the principle 

of softness overcoming hardness.

.................................

: 13th May 2015.

: 9.20 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Today is my superwoman's birthday.

Happy birthday, mak :)

Kill me, heal me.

But my love is all I have to give

"Don't ever feel bad for making a decision that upsets other people. You are not responsible for their happiness. You are responsible for your own happiness."

...................

A world which there are monsters and ghosts, and things that want to steal your heart

is a world in which there are angels and dreams, and a world in which there is hope.

Neil Gaiman.

......................

Life, too, is like that.

You live it forward,

but understand it backward.

: 12th May 2015.

: 9.20 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I am watching a new Korean drama about a person with multiple personalities.

A grateful heart can lead to a healthier heart.

Angels Brought Me Here [Guy Sebastian]

• Give lots of compliments, even if you’re shy. Everyone else is too.
• Change. Get a haircut, try new perfume, get new sheets. Become better than you were before.
• Eat healthier. Learn to cook something fancy.
• Get up earlier and watch the sun come up.
• Wear soft clothes, take a bath, drink something warm.
• Meet someone new, even just a friend.
• Become closer with your friends and your family. Call your mother. Cry with your best friend. Tell everyone how much you appreciate them.
• Keep your room clean. Buy some candles. Let the natural light in. 
• Make a list of reasons why you’ll be better off without them. Believe they are true, because they are. 
• Listen to new music. 
• Write everything you’re thinking and feeling. Write letters. Write happy letters, sad letters, and angry letters, even if you’re never going to send them.
• It’s okay to be sad, but not forever. Sadness is not as beautiful as music makes it seem. 
• Lack of sleep makes your eyes droopy, not deep. 
• Wake up every morning and tell yourself you’re going to have a good day.
• Go to the library. Don’t forget to look in the music section. 
• Remove them from your life. Get rid of the things they gave you if they make you sad. They’re not worth it. You will never be happy if you continue to hold on to the things that make you sad.
• Make new memories.
• Try to find something to appreciate in everything you do or experience.
• Being alone is okay, you don’t have to surround yourself with people. 
• Become your own best friend. Buy yourself coffee and drink it alone in a cafe. Take your time. 
• Learn to love every bit of yourself.”

— How to feel better and become better by me (via intractably) source: tumblr

.............................

We must learn to love ourselves. It's not a selfish thing to do. We really must learn to love ourselves. Because of all people, it is us who need to love ourselves. In doing so, we will be able to love others. Love others by loving ourselves first.

: 9th May 2015.

: 07.05 a.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: The morning breeze is so refreshing;

making everything feels so serene and peaceful.

The problem with public display of happiness.

I don't love you [My Chemical Romance]

“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, 

to buy things they don’t want, 

to impress people they don’t like.”

- Will Smith, American actor.

.......................

"In Your name, O Allah, I live and die."

Still, how many times in my life, I keep forgetting about this du'a.

I recite it almost every day before sleep, 

but I seldom put in into my heart, and my action.

What a shame, dear self.

As a Muslim, you should act like one.

: 8th May 2015.

: 11.10 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I realised that by looking at others' happiness and blessings on social media

will make me especially, depressed by comparing myself with them

and forgetting to count my own blessings.

I should be more grateful of what I have 

instead of comparing what I don't have, shouldn't I?

Attention drivers.

Love Me Like You Do [Ellie Goulding]

While I was driving to and fro from Jeli to Penang (for quite a number of times), I have been observing the way Malaysian drivers behave on the road. 

If you happen to pass by or use the road from Kelantan to northern counterparts, you will know that you must pass the Gerik road through East Coast Highway. There is no other way except to use the Gerik road. Gerik road is not like the North-South Highway which consists of straight road with two or three lanes. Gerik road is winding, hilly and most of the times consists of one lane. There are a few two-lane areas somewhere up there, but not throughout the journey. Therefore, if you happen to follow behind a big lorry with timber or chicken in small cages, you have to patiently drive behind them until you encounter a two-lane area to overtake the lorry. 

As I have been using the Gerik road more than twenty times now, it is safe to say that I can estimate where is the two-lane area so that I can prepare myself (and my car) to overtake those big lorries, buses and slow cars. Same goes to other drivers who have been using the road as well. However, this makes some of them braver and even more reckless in overtaking other vehicles. Throughout my journey, I noticed that these drivers not only overtake other vehicles along the two-lane areas, but they also overtake at sharp corners on the hilly Gerik road. I mentally applauded them for their courage and their car's powerful engine, but at the same time, I also cursed them for putting other drivers' lives at risk. 

There was once, a big lorry which almost made me and other three drivers' lives in danger. At that time, we were patiently following a slow Kenari in a one-lane road. The opposite lane, however, consists of two-lane road. The Kenari was soooooooo freaking slow and as we were approaching a sharp corner along the Gerik road, a big red lorry behind me decided to overtake both my car and that Kenari. The lorry driver, recklessly, decided to overtake us by using the opposite lane. If there was only one car at the opposite lane, it would be totally fine as the car will be able to use one lane (the inside lane instead of the outer lane). 

At the opposite lane, we could see a silver Proton Waja approaching us. Since the big lorry was overtaking me, the Proton Waja managed to maneuver and use the inside lane (since there are two lanes at their side). At that moment I thought, "Okay. Goodbye you impatient lorry driver. Get away from my sight". However, much to our surprise, as the lorry was overtaking me and the Kenari, out of a sudden, a fast Hilux from the opposite lane appeared and I almost screamed my lungs out. I could see that the Proton Waja was shocked as well and since the lorry was big and was taking his time to overtake the Kenari, the Proton Waja had to dangerously maneuver to the grass area outside of the road. The Hilux almost hit both the lorry and the Proton Waja, however, the Hilux driver managed to hit the brake pedal and maneuvered to the inside lane. The sound of the brake from both Proton Waja and Hilux was so loud, as loud as my own heartbeat. My hands were trembling and I almost had a heart attack. Stupid lorry! You almost kill all of us there! Urgh.

That was only one occasion where my life and other drivers' lives were at risk. Actually, there were more, thanks to the bad habit that certain drivers have in overtaking vehicles. I admit I sometimes overtake other cars too, but only when I am on the two-lane road and when I almost sure that the car at the opposite lane is far enough for me to safely overtake. And yes, most of the times I use signal to in a way telling that; "Hello slow driver, I am overtaking you now. Make way, please". 

So, please, for drivers out there, please please be considerate on the road. Don't turn the road into the valley of death. Instead, let the road be the road to home; where our loved ones waiting.

.........................

source: google image

Well, there. One of the accidents that happened along Gerik to Jeli road. 

: 8th May 2015.

: 05.10 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: A few days ago, a tragic accident happened because of reckless Myvi drivers

which took away the parent and their small kid,
leaving other two young kids on their own. 

What more tragic after that is that, other Malaysians who are 'clever' enough

to take the revenge out to other innocent Myvi drivers.

This cycle of revenge will never end.
Don't be stupid enough to put the blame on others.

Instead, just bring the responsible drivers to justice.