I wonder...

All your armies,
all your fighters,
all your tanks
and all your soldiers,
against the boy,
...holding the stones,
standing there,
all alone,
in his eyes, i see the sun,
in his smile, i see the moon,
and i wonder, i only wonder,
who is weak, and who is strong,
who is right, and who is wrong,
and i wish,
i only wish,
that the truth has a tongue.

 

Bubbles.

I miss those times when we were both young and innocent.

Life was so carefree, with nothing to worry.

Everything was beautiful, everything was enjoyable and everyday was fun.

Those times, even bubbles made us happy.

So happy until we spent most of our time blowing them, 

watching them being blown away by the wind and catching after them with all our might.

Bubbles are merely bubbles, but still, at those times, they brought the smiles upon everyone's faces.

The purest and innocent smiles of all.

And at this very moment, I miss such smiles.

"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back 

and realise that they were the big things."

: 27th May 2010.

: Want to blow bubbles with me? Let us find a nice spot on a nice day to do this! 
Ehm, and with this song at the background. Hehhe. 
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xW2WCMi8fc&feature=related

Too much to take.

.

Knowing too much is just too much.

Too much to take. 

Too much to digest. 

Too much to even bear. 

Especially when you know too much over the things you aren't suppose to know. 

It's too much. 

And I'm so afraid. 

So afraid that it will eventually change everything. 

And that's the last thing I want.

I just don't want that to happen.

I just can't believe it.

How could you do that.

. 

E.M.P.T.Y

Compared to others, I am indeed lucky.
Lucky to always be showered by His love.
He never abandons me no matter how I always forget about Him.
He is indeed The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful!

I am very grateful for everything that He has given me.
Besides, sometimes I feel I have received more than I ought to.
I have more than I should.
But still, I feel this emptiness.
Still, I feel something is missing.
I end up searching for something that I myself don't know what it is.

Help me, please.

...........

This is a story that I received from my friend, Miss Pakar Nasi Ayam. Syukran jazilan for sharing this with me.

Fudayl Ibn Iyad was walking down a street and someone said, "There goes a man who spends the whole night in Prayer." Fudayl began to weep, "I can't remember spending one full night in Prayer. How great Allah has honoured me in making people think I am better than what I know myself to be." 

: 26th May 2010.

: Still learning to be contented with all I have.

Hot?

It's beautifully sunny outside.
The sun is shining brightly and the sky is radiantly bright.
However, in this little room of mine, it is extremely hot.
No matter how I tried to do the most least-energy-burning-activities throughout this day, I can still feel the heat.
Argh, I just can't get rid of this boiling heat from my body.
So hot!
So hot until I am deeply sure that I can defrost a whole chicken even quicker than putting it in the kitchen sink for hours.
Seriously!

Oh God, I know I shouldn't grumble over this beautiful and great weather that most people would always pray for, but I hope, really hope that at least my room will not be this hot.
Please, I pray You.
And please, if this because of the sins that I've done, please forgive me.
I repent.
Please let me humbly sit under Your shade of blessings and forgiveness.

By the way, I came across this cute video clip. I just love the video clip! I love the shots, the colours and the place; Malacca! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngC6tRWYjss

: 22nd May 2010.

: I will do anything to get my room cooler than this. Any suggestion? 

Surprise?

Surprise?
Who doesn't like surprise?
Everybody does.
But if the surprise is not something that you would like or expect; it's not a welcomed surprise at all.
Seriously!
That kind of surprise, you won't enjoy it at all.
That kind of surprise, I just can't take it anymore.
So please, spare me.

I don't know why but this song has been playing in my mind since this morning. 
Urgh, so not me! Haha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5lahXKcZLw

: 15th May 2010.

: Just finished my 'marathon'. The ending was not as what I expected. 
Huh, this is what people say as the cost of a great expectation. 
Never expect too much or you will be disappointed. 
Haha, I am just simply crapping here.

Rainy days.

Recently, it is always raining. Gloomy days, cloudy sky, cold air.
A perfect reason to snuggle under the duvet or even hug others. (Hehe)

For me, rainy days remind me of those days.
The days where I wished I could turn back the time.
Turn back to the places I wished I could be,
and meet those persons that I have been missing dearly.
Unfortunately, I could not find the rewind button.
I just couldn't find it.
And I will never find it.

Time will always pass us by. It will never come back.

Honestly, deep in my heart, there is a scar which I think I could never even manage to heal.
However, after skype-ing with my dear friend, Miss Peminat Korea (not her real name), I finally find a way to say my thanks to my belated friend.
Thanks dear, and thank you Allah.
Now I knew that even if I can't thank him for everything he had done to me, I can always pray for him.
Showing gratitude doesn't mean that we need to always say thanks or give presents, for a change, why don't we pray for their well-being and happiness?
Prayers are even better, don't you think so?
I really believe in the power of prayer.
Doesn't He always listen to every prayer of us?
Therefore, this time, I believe He will also hear mine.

Perpisahan itu luka. Pertemuan di syurga itu ubatnya.

: 13th May 2010.

: I am very happy today. 
Apart from today is my beloved's birthday, I found that the smell of today's rain is nicer. 
Thank God I did get out from my house.
 If not, I wouldn't know how nice the smell is!

Bad habit.

Mode: Lazy and bored.

My very very very bad habit is; being lazy.
My very very bad habit is; wasting time.
My very bad habit is; procrastinate.
My bad habit is; disturb others even when I myself have work to do.

Huh (sigh). Very bad indeed!

For those who are burdened by my bad habits, especially Miss Penggemar Susu (not her real name), I am very sorry. But, if you are not you, I guess I won't disturb you. I love wasting my time with you (oh no, another bad habit here), hanging around and disturb you (opps, bad habit again). If there will be times that you feel I am annoyingly disturbing you, please tell me. Hehehe (big grin with puffy eyes).

And oh, since all those habits mentioned are bad, I believe I must do something to reduce or curb it, right?
In order to change your life, you yourself must change first.
God Willing, I will try to reduce my level of laziness even though it is easier said than done.
You can just laugh at me since I am always lazy, but hey, at least I'm trying.
How about you?

"God helps those who help themselves."

: 12th May 2010.

: I am actually struggling with an assignment now. 
Yeah, thanks to all my bad habits I have only two days more to complete a 1500 words essay. Heh.

Equal? Equivalent?

As human beings, we definitely want equal treatment, and equal opportunity for our own sake.
We don't really like being less than others.
However, we don't really mind, and perhaps we'll probably like it if we are given more than others.
Oh yeah, honestly, it applies to me too.
We want more not less, don't we?

God is always fair in His judgement.

Always. And He is never wrong in His judgement.

Sometimes others seem to have more compared to us, luckier than us, happier than us, richer than us, prettier than us, talented than us and cleverer than us.
We tend to be envious towards those lucky persons and grumble over our fate.
We often ask God why we are not as gifted as they are.
We often complain about it, too often until it becomes a tiring routine.
So much to complain, so much to compare, so much to ask!

But if we believe that God has His own plans for us, we won't complain much, will we?
Yup, easier said than done, but hey, God is the Most Powerful.
He knows.
Is it wrong to just believe in Him?

"When you do no good, yet Allah do good to you, it means something is really, really wrong."

: 11th May 2010.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Let me believe in You. Let me be contented with what You have planned for me.

He knows.

I never know that every prayer that I recite is being granted by Allah in His very own way.
Yes, in His own way; which means that not all the things that I want will be done the exact way that I want, but rather, it will be done in the way that He knows will be the best for me.
Yes, He knows. Only Allah knows what is the best for me.

"On no soul does God place a burden greater than it can bear." [Al-Baqarah 2: 286]

I still remember how I used to pray for patience and strong will but all that He gave was all those trials and hard times that I never even asked for.
I never even believed that He had fulfilled my wish but as time goes by, I finally realised that after going through all those trials and hard times, I become who I wish and pray for.
He had given me what I wanted!
Well, I might not be that strong, but indeed I am stronger than I was before.
Through trials and hard times, He teaches me.
Through tears and pain, I learnt from Him.
Thank You Allah.
You didn't give me what I wanted, but instead You gave me what I needed.
Without a doubt, You had granted my prayer.

"When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calls on Me: let them also, with a will, listen to My call, and believe in Me: that they may walk in the right way." [Al-Baqarah 2: 186]

: 10th May 2010.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: No smile is as beautiful as the one that struggles through the tears. La Tahzan! 

An unexpected farewell.

...Farewell is painful.I just knew how painful it is.

Oh Allah, if I knew that day was the last day I would ever meet him, I would do everything that I wish to do now. Losing someone makes you realise a lot of things, isn't it? What more if that someone is lost forever. Oh Allah, how I wish I had one more time even just an hour. But I knew it is too late. Just too late.And it hurts. It does.

Oh Allah, for all the things I haven't say and do, please, please tell him for me. Oh Allah, even though it was just a short period of time, I am indeed thankful for being able to have him in my life. Bless him for who he is. May he is placed among those whom You dear.Al-Fatihah.

Dear friend, I will always remember you. Thank you for everything. I never had the chance to say this to you but indeed I am blessed knowing you. Thank you. 

By the way, I just want to let you know that,

clouds remind me of you.

The hardest word.

For a person who loves words so much, I am being completely helplessly stupid. I couldn't find the right word when I needed it the most. Instead of saying anything, I was being so stupidly silent. I just don't know why, but recently, I always make lots and lots of mistakes. I really just couldn't think straight and often, I had a lot of things running through my head at one time. It's sickening and frightening as well. And due to that, I had hurt my friends, literally and figuratively. I'm so sorry for hurting any of you. I really am. In fact, an arrow called 'guilty' had just pierced through my heart the moment I caused you trouble and pain. I'm so sorry. And I'm very sorry for not being able to say it to you because if I do, I think my tears will roll down my cheek first before I manage to say anything. I guess it is true that apart from 'I love you', 'Sorry' seems to be the hardest word. And today, I find that it becomes even harder when it involves the persons you care the most. I'm sorry.

You know what, I guess sorry seems to be the hardest word 
because I care about you or in other words; I love you.