Itsudatte kimi ni.

I beat the loneliness while just trusting you

: 30th January 2012.

: 10.30 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: For those who are feeling sick, get well soon insyaAllah.

Don't be sad, there will surely be a blessing in disguise. :)

Perhaps, it's the weather.

You don't have to be alone, I won't let you go

We all need

long tight meaningful heartfelt hugs.

: 28th January 2012.

: 09.58 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: It seems these days we've got so many thoughts inside our head,

that if we don't get them out, we might explode.

13th day.

Syafakallah.

Get well soon.

: 26th January 2012.

: 01.10 a.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: I should have known earlier. Hope everything will be fine there.

Everyone, please pray for my grandfather's health. Thank you.

Tablo.

This silent battle is too much for you

taken from: http://hybridre.deviantart.com/#/d4mmvfz

: 24th January 2012.

: 01.54 a.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.
: Dear you, thanks for installing skype, at last.
You're right, sometimes people are just too busy to care.
We must be grateful anyway, at least He cares.

Pre-marriage course?

Destinasi cinta yang kucari, sebenarnya terlalu hampir

Work overload + Temptation overload = Uncompleted work.

.........................

رَبَّنَا لَا تُزِغۡ قُلُوبَنَا بَعۡدَ إِذۡ هَدَيۡتَنَا وَهَبۡ لَنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ رَحۡمَةً‌ۚ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ ٱلۡوَهَّاب

"Mereka berdoa dengan berkata): Wahai Tuhan kami! Janganlah Engkau memesongkan hati kami sesudah Engkau beri petunjuk kepada kami dan kurniakanlah kepada kami limpah rahmat dari sisiMu; sesungguhnya Engkau jualah Tuhan Yang melimpah-limpah pemberianNya."  

(Ali-Imran, 3: 8)

..........................

Alhamdulillah, I had successfully completed a pre-marriage course. Great experience it was, really. Hey, who says marriage is a picnic? It's not. In fact, marriage comes with big responsibilities. When I say big, it is really BIG. Many things to think of, many things to consider, many things to look at and many things to prepare. Marriage is not just you and me, it's more than that. And it is not only revolve around "I love you, you love me, so let's get together", it's more to, "Let's grab His love by loving each other and since we are together, let's be together till jannah (paradise)". InsyaAllah, let us pray so that we will have a good and blessed marriage. Ehhe. In order to do so, I must prepare myself to be a good wife first, right? Oh, but it's not just me. Same goes to you, dear future husband. I really hope you can be a good leader and imam for our family. Till the day He let us be together, legally bonded with a blessed marriage, let us prepare ourselves together to be good parents for our future children, insyaAllah. Oh, by the way, I'm not that hardworking, so please, bear with me. Ahhaha.

"You are not a handsome guy, unless you lead solah and recite al-Quran."

: 22nd January 2012.

: 10.05 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Been receiving lots of good news from friends around the globe lately.

For those who just had a child or expecting a child, may Allah protect and bless you.

For those who already in the process towards marriage, may Allah ease and bless you.

I'm really happy seeing you guys happy. Please pray for me, too. Ehhe.
And, don't forget to invite me to your wedding ceremony, okay?

If you do forget, I'll hunt you guys for nasi minyak. E he he he. *creepy laugh* :P

Pavane pour une Infante defunte.

Ravel's Pavane for a dead princess

A smile is a spiritual perfume you spray on others, 
everyone near you benefits from it.

: 20th January 2012.

: 10.30 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Smiles are what I always look for on someone's face.

How I wish the mist brought you here, miss.

She gives me presents, with her presence alone

"Aku ingin dilahirkan semula dalam setiap lafaz istighfar..."

(Az-Zukhruf, 43: 67)

.................

Just like a four leaf clover; hard to find but lucky to have.

: 18th January 2012.

: 04.52 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: I always wonder what would you say if you saw me like this, now.
Take care, there. All the best in your exam.
Please pray that I won't be lazy like always, okay? Ehhe.

I sit in silence, learning the beauty of nothing.

You were the one that got away

"Shut your eyes and see."

-James Joyce

..........................

When something bad happens,

you have three choices.

You can either let it define you,

let it destroy you,

or you can let it strengthen you.

..............................

“And seek help through patience and prayer, 

and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah];

who are certain that they will meet their Lord and that they will return to Him.”

(Qur’an, 2:45-46)

: 17th January 2012.

: 10.03 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: 34 hours? Wohoo. I didn't know it was that long. But that video is cool.

Memento mori.

Another summer day, has come and gone away

For these past few days, I have been watching a lot of movies, and apparently, drama series too. I know that I don't have much time to play around but I can't help myself from doing so. I admit I kinda have poor self-control, so yeah, at least I'm not disturbing anybody like always. Ahhaha.  

Well, remember when I said long time ago (well, I think a few days ago but yeah, I love to exaggerate) that I have this kind of what you call obsession towards that blunt snarky mismatched eyes?( Oh, did I just indirectly confess to you guys that I'm obsessed with him? Did I? Ohh, nooooo! *headbanging*). Oh well, I admit, I kinda have that kind of obsession towards him, but no, I don't like myself for being like that. No, no, no, I don't hate him or hate myself for liking him, of course no, but I guess I just need to stay away from browsing through the internet just to look at his news (or his pictures, or his videos or whatever things related to him). Worried of what I might become, I spent one lonely cold night thinking of what  should I do to overcome this sickness obsession. And "bling~" (please insert the sound of a light bulb that have just being switched on), I made a list of what drama series I should watch every night without fail. (Ahha, I think this is sooooo gonna be a bad idea later).  

So, dear ladies and gentlemen, for your information, the above image is one of the snapshot of the drama that I have been spending my precious one hour every night. And yeah, he is no other than my Takuya Kimura. Why him? Why not? E he he he.  

Oh, just a reminder here. This drama is not a romantic drama, what more a sad, unhappy drama that I always have a great liking for. If there is a word for it, I would call it a investigation-thriller-disturbing-crazy-but-funny type of drama. So, please, if you feel like watching it, please don't watch it alone at night. And please, lower down the volume or put that headset away. Just don't plug in with full volume. Believe me, just don't. And don't ever, ever, expect that there will always be cute, dandy, pretty-face guys, or else, you might get a mini heart attack each time you see your favourite actor or singer looks like this:

Aww, did I tell you that you look good in that glasses, Kame-san? Oh, yes, you do.

Opps, my mistake. Wrong picture. Looks like this I mean:

Oh dear, why do they make you look this scary? How can I look at your face in the same way again, Gackt?

"Oh Allah, thanks for this beautiful life, 

and forgive me if I don't love it enough."

: 16th January 2012.

: 11.15 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: There's no invisible man. It's just a man in the blind spot.

"Maybe?" "Must be."

I was born to love you

"Ya Allah, if I am to fall in love,
let me touch the heart of someone whose heart is attached to You."

.........................

"Our relationship was just a game. That's all."
"A game?"
"Yes."
"I feel that life is like a game."
"Eh?"
"Whether or not you take it seriously, that's a person's choice."

: 14th January 2012.

: 01.30 a.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Thanks for your concern. I'm doing fine, alhamdulillah. Really.

If not, I won't be spending my precious time watching some old Japanese drama.

Oh, maybe not that old. Ahha.

For every word is a code.

When your world's crashing down, and you can't bear the thought,
I said, babe, you're not lost

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImCESHfaiqk&feature=related

Does anyone still remember this drama?

"Love is not a game, Halu."

...............................

"Each one of us has the power to make others feel better or worse. Making others feel better is much more fun than making others feel worse. Making others feel better generally makes us feel better."

-Martin Luther King Jr

: 12th January 2012

: 09.04 pm.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: I'm lost. Can somebody find me?
Dear Miss Caramel, thanks for the song. I appreciate it so much.

Someday.

Take time to realise, that I am on your side

"Never hesitate to hold out your hand; 

and never hesitate to accept the outstretched hand of another."

...........................

"Someday is a dangerous word. It's really just a code for never."

: 10th January 2012.

: 01.30 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Restless nights. Been dreaming a lot of strange dreams.
I should drink warm milk, wash my feet and recite prayers before sleep, shouldn't I?

It's half past two, and I think of you.

It's OK baby, please don't cry

"Sadness is always the legacy of the past; regrets are the pains of the memory."

...............................

Dear you,  

It's half past two in the morning. I have gone to bed an hour ago, but until now, I just can't shut my eyes. I have been trying to get myself to sleep, but nothing works. I am left alone, staring into nothingness in the dark. In this darkness, I hear nothing but silence. And in silence, I think of you.  

I have a confession to make. People say, whatever happens, life must go on. But no matter how I say I have moved on, there's always a part of me who never really left. It never was and I'm really afraid if it never will. What more at times like this, at times when days are dark and gloomy. I once thought it was the winter that made me like this; sad and lonely. But, as I stare into the ceiling tonight, I realise that it's not the winter. It's me, myself.  

It has been more than two years since you left. Left me with a stab of pain in the chest, whenever I think of those days. Left me with a hint of regret, whenever I remember what I had done. I was a jerk, I know. I shouldn't do such things. But I didn't know what to do at that time. I really didn't know. Even if we had only known each other for less than two months, you were such a good person. You really were. And I'm sorry, I'm really sorry for being such a jerk.

I thought I would be able to mend things back, I thought I could tell you the reasons why and I always thought I would have the chance to say I'm sorry. But I was wrong. If only death doesn't separate us. 

And no, I'm not questioning what He has planned for me. I know He wants me to learn something, but, I just, feel... I don't know, I just, feel... some sort of...guilty, and... regret. And to tell you the truth, I was and am really grateful to know you. But no matter what I felt those days, regret is what left of me, now.

.......................

"Feeling like your sins are too great for you to even ask for forgiveness; 
is belittling God's mercy."

: 09th January 2012.

: 02.30 a.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Lately, I found myself even lonelier than before.
Maybe because I don't spend much time with Him, that's why.

Vitamins? Vitamins, you say?

High, high, up in the sky

"To fans:  

I don’t want them to see me as an absolute existence, don’t want them to have their entire life revolving around me, spending money on me or doing things for me. If it’s too extreme, even if it’s not to support me, I hope you all can treasure your own lives. From there, you can sometimes look at my activities, treat my existence as vitamins, and if you can do this for me, I will be very happy."

— Shim Changmin in Grazia January 2011. 

.......................................

Funny, but true in a way.

Ahha.

.........................................

“Remember that whatever lives in the heart controls you. It becomes what you strive for and are willing to sacrifice anything to have. And to keep. It becomes what you depend on at a fundamental level. It, therefore, must be something eternal, that never tires, and never breaks. It must, therefore, be something that never leaves. Only one thing is like that: The Creator.” 

-Yasmin Mogahed.

: 6th January 2012.

: 10.28 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: You know how I'm not that into you, dear mismatched eyes.

No, no, no. You are just being delusional. I won't do that. Okay, I lied.

And no, I'm not that excited for classes. And yes, I spoke the truth.

Press Enter.

Please laugh only with me

"Laughter is a sunshine, it chases winter from the human face."

-Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

......................................

When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, 

we often find that it is those who, 

instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, 

have chosen rather to share our pain 

and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. 

..................................

This is too sweet to be handled.

Oh, my fragile heart.  

: 5th January 2012.

: 05.25 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: No matter how far you travel, you can never get away from yourself.
Frustrating, but it's always like this. Life is always like this.
So my advice is; learn to love yourself. Then only others. But please, not in a narcissistic way.

of judgement and expectation.

Jujur aku tak sanggup, sungguh aku tak bisa

“When you expect something, you’re sure to be disappointed. I learned that a long time ago.” 

— in House Rules  by Jodi Picoult

“It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his nafs (self) makes to him: 

for We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein,” (50:16).

.........................

"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of the people, 

until they change what is in themselves." (13: 11)

: 3rd January 2012.

: 05.10 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: It's funny how people are easy to judge others.
Even we ourselves don't know who we truly are, so who are we to label them?
Instead of judging, why don't we pray for the better? For a better them, and a better us.

Hi there :)

Tuhan, tolonglah aku, kembalikan ia ke dalam pelukku

"So many of us get trapped into taking a dive in a pool of problem and disturbance, just to end up drowning deeper and deeper, because we forget that breathing is still a necessity despite everything. There is no in-between for ‘bad’ and ‘good’, ‘happiness’ and ‘sadness’ but to associate our life with only either one doesn’t help us, it will only make us feel even more remote and stiff. It makes us feel unreasonably guilty, too. Being happy all the time doesn’t mean we’re positive; it means we’re ignorant, while being too caught up in our failed emotions doesn’t necessarily mean we’re emotional; it means we’re defeatist. So how do we make ourselves feel good? By accepting both the poison and the candy of things. Life is simple like that. It is us who makes it complicated.”

..........................................

An unplanned virtual reunion, 

and it started with a simple greeting on a friend's wall.

No wonder the storm is coming here, 

you guys are having your own sort of storm in your heart over there.

All the best, my dear friends.

Storm or rain, insyaAllah, we all can make it through.

Rabbi yassir wala tu'assir.

: 3rd January 2012.

: 02.19 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Tomorrow is the first day of schooling in Malaysia.

No wonder we all think of each other.

Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi.

One shot, one kill

"There’s always going to be bad stuff out there. 

But here’s the amazing thing - light trumps darkness, every time. 

You stick a candle into the dark, but you can’t stick the dark into the light."

- in Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult

.......................................................

"You don't remember your real name?"

"No, but for some reason I remember yours." 

: 1st January 2012.

: 09.06 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Been watching this today. Again.
Planning to watch 'The Grave of the Fireflies' but it might be too depressing to handle. 
Next time, next time. When the rough wind is over. Ahha.

2011.

Now I'm just chillin', feel like I'm healin'

"You want a new life. But you take the new one you get every morning for granted."

.......................................

2011 is the year that went by so fast, maybe a little too fast. It's the year you felt the most pressure to the point where you gave up so many times but you're still learning how to get back up. It's the year you said you were going to accomplish great things yet you feel like you just wasted time. It's the year you cried over too many pointless things, too many times. It's the year you look back on all the lifetime memories in which you find yourself missing the people in them. But it's also the year you move on, slowly, and you realise that that is okay. Everything is going to be okay.

......................................

"You don’t always win battles, but at least you fought. 

You’re not always right, but at least you thought. 

You’re not always going to stand, sometimes you have to fall. 

But the lessons you learn from this are the best lessons of all."

: 31st December 2011.

: 07.40 p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Oh, sometimes I feel like stabbing myself in the face 
whenever I remember all the stupid and horrible things I’ve done.