Love (life) talk.

Your love is all I need [DBSK]

How a person reacts to your sadness 

says a lot about how long they're going to be in your life.

......................... 

Last night, one of my dearest friends called me. It has been a while since we last talked to each other, but once we greeted each other, it felt like old times. Times when we would lie on the bed, talking about a lot of things until the wee hours. 

We talked about a lot of things, mind you we were on the phone for almost two hours! Haha. See, a lot of catching up to do. We talked about schools, colleagues, SPM examination, students, our plan for the upcoming trip and love life. 

You might start assuming things about our love lives, romantic stuffs and all but no, this time we weren't talking about how romantic our love lives are. Personally for me, it is not a good thing to always share about the sweet or good things of your relationship to others. I always feel that if I keep sharing such things with others, I kinda shove my happiness in their face. And if the person I am sharing with has a slighlty so-not-sweet relationship, it feels like I kinda rub a lot of salt to their wound. Okay, people might not feel that way though but you never know. 

Okay, the thing is, when you are approaching your late 20s and you are not yet married, people around you will start being such a busybody. In our case, teachers mostly started to ask about our relationship status. Even if we told them we are getting to know someone, they won't believe a word we said. For them, if we already have someone, we should be married by now. Some of them started to meddle with your love life by matching you up with people they thought compatible with you. Oh well, if they do it discreetly, it won't be a problem, but when they do it indiscreetly, the other side will start thinking that they have the support of everyone and since you are not yet 'attached', they have a chance with you. And when that happens, problems will start to arise. That's what we hate the most. Okay, hate might be a strong word to use but hey who would like to face this kind of problems?

I know at this stage, most of my friends at my age are already married and most of them already have kids. Some might read this and find that this problem is nothing to be bothered about, but hey, everyone is having their own battle, so please be kind. 

.........................

 No matter how hard you try, you can't please everyone. So stop worrying and focus on those who love and care for you.

: 26th November 2016.

: 9.20 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Oh yes, I am still in Jeli. I am not yet in Penang.

One more SPM paper and off I will go back to Penang.

We are all monsters.

If I tell you “it’s alright”

I know that they’re only words [Lee Hi]

My dear,

I am sorry I should have noticed it earlier, with the deep quotes you shared and the black and white photos you posted. I agree, it isn't always flowers on days and all stars at night. There will be times for heavy rain on days and dark sky at night. I know, and I completely understand how dark and lonely it is at your side. But my dear, I am here whenever you feel like pouring all your dark thoughts. Because, you were there when all I saw was darkness. 

I care about you so much I hope better days are coming to you. Please eat well. 

.....................

Why depression is hard to understand.

It is invisible.

It is not 'feeling a bit sad.'

....................

: 23rd April 2016.

: 8.15 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I believe we should meet so that I can give you a warm hug.

And maybe we can sing loudly in the car like we used to years ago.

That was definitely the most stress-free time of our life.

I craved for meat last week.

How you make others feel about themselves,

says a lot about you.

......................

"You will have days where you feel better, and you will have days where you want to die. Both are okay. There is no magical cure. You just need to close your eyes, and trust that waves will pass, and soon you'll be able to breathe again."

.....................

Last week, I had a mixture of emotions. Negative emotions. I woke up feeling anxious, went through my lessons feeling both tired and angry, went back home feeling both knackered and hungry, marking students' papers feeling frustrated and disappointed and went to bed feeling demotivated thinking of tomorrow in school. I don't know what came over me, but no matter how I tried lifting my mood by watching Merlin and randomly texting my friends, those negative emotions kept creeping in. 

I know bad days and bad moods will go off at some point, but what makes me even more negative is the fact that I knew I shouldn't be feeding myself with negative thoughts but I just couldn't stop myself from doing that. You know, when you of all people know that you shouldn't do something and yet you do it, you will feel even more terrible and disappointed in yourself. That's what I have been feeling for the past week.

One of my dear friends once pointed out to me that, most people see me as someone who they can share their secrets and problem with and also as someone who has no problem listening to their negative complaints and problems. Therefore, most of them would not mind sharing all those things with me. 

Honestly, I don't mind them sharing with me as it is a great honour to know someone has their trust in you. But, as I try my best to keep those negative things with me, as time passes by, those negative emotions and thoughts that they shared with me will start eating me out from the inside. You see, when you tell me something negative, I will try my best to make it positive but without me realising it, my soul absorbs all those negative things. Especially when the negative keeps coming in every single day. That is why, at some point, I will be very negative towards everything around me. 

Those who are around me day in and day out will eventually see how at certain days, I am such an annoying and complicated nuisance to be with. There are times when you will see me smiling sunshines and rainbows, talking nonsense and randomly making fun of things as if nothing can bring me down. Those are times I will be annoying in a good way. But mind you, after those sunshines and rainbows, I will be a soul with dark thoughts and negative emotions. I will be angry at smallest things and I will keep myself to myself. There will be no rainbows. There will be no sunshines. There will be only me; doing things that are not me and saying things I don't even mean.

And last week, after so much negativity, I exploded. I had enough of being patient and I became so angry and said things that I had in my heart for so long. What makes me even more angry is; I cared so much of a person that I became angry when that person didn't take heed of what I said. When I care about someone, I will tell them what I think the best for them, but usually, that wouldn't turn out good because when I am angry, my words are not as beautiful as they should be. And that makes those who are at the receiving ends think that I purposely hurt them with my words. But no. I care so much that is why I said such things to make you realise that you are doing it wrong. I know I am not always right, but please, hear me out when I said something. I want nothing but the best for you. You should know that. Because if you don't mean a thing to me, of course I wouldn't waste my time saying it to you. I would rather let you be. 

So, here in this long post, I want to say sorry if I hurt you with my words. I meant good. I want you to be happy. I want you to put some effort. I want you to see things from other perspective. I want you to believe in Him. I want you to know that things like soulmate or a perfect guy won't come to you without you looking for it. And please bear in mind, my dear, there is no perfect guy in this world. You and I, we have to learn to accept the flaws in others and love them the way they are. Just as God loves the imperfect us. 

And my dear, I love you the way you are. Please don't just wallow in self-pity and wait for your Prince Charming without doing anything. You have to do something. For a beginning, let us pray for him to come soon. 

.........................

"How beautiful to find a heart that loves you,

without asking you for anything,

but to be okay."

: 24th March 2016.

: 4.34 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Our friends always find you childish,

but you, my dear, is a person with a big heart.

You just need to see the world in a positive way.

For all this while, why now?

Oh son of Adam, you are nothing but a few numbered days. 

When a day goes by, a part of you is gone. [Al-Basri]

...................

"I don't trust words anymore. I only trust actions. 

People can pretend to do a lot without being serious about it."

..................

I have a lot to write actually. But I don't know where to begin.  I love to talk, I seriously do, but sometimes, what I have in mind comes out different when I say it out loud. So, that is why I have to write so that I can reconstruct my thoughts in better words. 

I have a lot of friends. Friends whom I care and who are always in my heart even though we don't contact on daily basis. I am a person who values friends; therefore to spend money and my precious time on them is not something that I find difficult to do. Even if they don't feel the same way about it, I still won't mind much going miles and miles just to meet them. 

However, reaching the era where people are starting to build their own career and family, things are not the same like before. I can't simply spend my money just to book a flight and meet a friend of mine just because she asked me to do so. I can't simply drive for long hours just to accompany my dear friend who happens to be lonely and depressed. I have to look at my own savings and my own schedule. Not to mention, my own capabilities in driving for long hours. I have to look at all that. Because, as far as I remember, not many who are willing to do that for me. So, if you are among those who are willing to do that for me, I will be more than willing to go miles and miles just for you.

I have a few friends who sometimes complain how I never even once visited them though I did not hesitate to visit some others. It's not that I don't want to, but sometimes, I know that they have their own agenda with their family and beloved ones. So, how can I come to visit if you are already have plans, right? But don't worry, when I have the money and time, I will visit you without a second thought. But for now, I am sorry dear, to book a flight just to meet you is not something I can do right now, I am so sorry. But I love you all the same. C'mon lemme hug you virtually. So am I forgiven? He he he.

These days, this one friend of mine, a bubbly one she is, never fails to contact me on daily basis. She is such a precious one, yeah she is. She always reports to me what her daily activities are, what kind of frustrations she has throughout the day and even asks me the same question all over again without fail. You know what, she even made a Facebook account using a fake identity just to tease me. See, what kind of love she has for me? Ahhahhaha. Sometimes it makes me feel like I am her boyfriend instead of her friend. Thank God I am a girl, if not I might start having the wrong ideas. Ahhaha. Hey, not that kind of wrrrooooong ideas, I mean if I am a guy, I might think she likes me so much ahhahaha. I hope she won't be reading this, pleaseee if not I might get killed by her. 

Another dear friend of mine, is counting days now. Every single day, she is counting and she is already at the end of her long waiting. I am sincerely happy for her though I didn't show it. I find her and her beloved such a precious couple. See, I am using the word 'precious' again ahhaha. I envy the deep discussions that they had with each other. Not every couple can discuss such matters comfortably and it makes me kinda wish that I can have such deep discussions with the one I love one day. Why? Because for me, to be able to communicate comfortably is what I really seek in a relationship. There are lots of people out there who are in a relationship but they can't say what they have in minds comfortably with each other. For me, I think that, the more things you keep from each other, the more you will grow apart from each other. Ironically, I like keep things to myself, so as my dear friends often remind me, I must try to be more open and expressive. I will try my best, okay? I will. So, if you are my other half, I sincerely hope that you will bear with me. Because, most of my dear friends often complain how I always make them feel unloved by me even though I told them so many times I love them unconditionally. Please love me even when I am unlovable. Heeee.

.....................

: 20th February 2016.

: 8.52 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I don't know how to deal with that Facebook messages now.

How should I reply?  

From Butterworth to Gombak.

Terlalu rindu, terlalu rindu, jujur aku terlalu rindu, tiada lain selain rindu

"Maybe I love too much

and maybe I show too little."

....................

Last week, a few days before the school holiday, I suddenly had the urge to go on a train. I didn't think of where to go, but I did want to go somewhere by train. I mentioned it randomly to one of my friends but she didn't quite catch it. So, I sent a text to one of my dearest about this. Thinking that I haven't had the opportunity to sit and share things with just the two of us, I asked her if she had any plan over the weekend. Thankfully, she didn't have any plan so tadaaaaa-- I bought an ETS ticket to KL Sentral. 

Meeting her is what I actually needed for such a long time. Even though we did meet during one of my friends' wedding in Teluk Intan, the time was too short for us to share lots of things that we used to share ever since we were roommates back in the Teaching College nine years ago. And I seriously need to talk to her, sharing what has been bothering me and what have I gone through since we have been posted to our respective schools. There were soooooo many things to talk about and alhamdulillah, meeting her was the best decision I have ever made this month. Thank you Allah for such opportunity.

.......................

Dear, 

Thank you so much for everything. I guess the time we spent together wasn't enough to cover all topics; you name it; schools, friends, colleagues, relatives, students and the list goes on and on. I still remember how we used to spend our nights talking about random things. I also remember all those dilemma and stress we used to share until whoever hurts either one of us, we won't hesitate to go after that person back in our foundation years. The thought of you scolding those people never fails to make me smile. The thought of us being scolded for coming late to class too never fails to make me laugh. Oh, when we are together, we are always late. It is not that either one of us wake up late or what, but when we are together, we always feel that we can take our own sweet time and no matter what, we feel that we can make it. Yeahhh, that's what we think. And I guess dear, in the recent issue that we talked about, I am trying hard to think that yeahhh, we can make it too. I still have that photo of yours, you know, about the tree? Yeahh, I will keep it of course. Meanwhile, please take care and believe that my prayers are always with you. Love you so much lillah. May Allah protect you and shower you with more love around you for being such a loving friend to me; who don't deserve such amount of love from anyone. I love you, saranghaeeeee.

......................

People think a soulmate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

: 13th February 2016.

: 11.20 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Everytime I listen to 'Terlalu Rindu' by Eleena Harris, I remember you.

The phone call that I longed for.

You could be my unintended [Muse]

These two kids are so childish around each other, yet they are alluringly dangerous with other people. Aishhh, what has that story done to me? How can I, of all the characters in the drama, fall in love with these two? They are not even a pair in the drama. Why did I fall for these two villains and want them to be together so much that it hurts my imagination? Oh, my idea of a perfect pairing is getting out of hand now. I seriously need to stop falling for such dark, damaged characters. Or maybe, I should stop reading that story. But I still have ten more chapters to go.

....................

Someone whom I dear so much called me out of blue. It started with a hot gossip about other people and ended up with more gossips about each other. Oh, love is weird. But I love you hehehe. 

......................

"I don't even know how to cope with all the scars in my heart,

how will I be able to deal with any of yours?"

-Choi Young Do, The Heirs

: 20th January 2016.

: 11.43 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Dear, I think we both have trust issues. How can we cope with this?

"So...what do we do now?"

You are my destiny [Lyn]

"Never, in all of the seventy billion humans who have walked this planet since the beginning of time has there been anyone exactly like you. Never, until the end of time, will there be another such as you. You have shown no knowledge or appreciation of your uniqueness. Yet, you are the rarest thing in the world."

- Og Mandino, The Greatest Miracle in World.

.........................

Last week, all schools in Kelantan had quite a long holiday from Tuesday until Saturday; thanks to Deepavali celebration and Hari Keputeraan Sultan Kelantan (sorry, I am too lazy to think of the English term for this). Usually, I would be more than ecstatic to go home and spend my days lazing around in Penang. However, this time, that was not the case.

I decided not to go home but instead, I went to Dungun. "What's with Dungun?", people around me asked. Oh well, it's not the place that made me want to go there in the first place. Rather, it's the person who is there. She is none other than my petite friend with a big heart; Miss Pencinta Kucing. 

A few days before my journey, I already googled the way to Dungun. I wanted to use LPT (East Coast Highway) so that the journey will take less than 4 hours. However, the moment I mentioned that, some of the teachers told me not to use LPT as there were a lot of ghost stories about the highway. I was okay at first however, as I will be driving alone, the fact that there will be less cars along the highway and the cases where people were robbed that they had told me were making my heart a bit restless. It's not that I am scared of ghosts in particular, but rather, I am quite worried if I will be targeted by 'road robbers' once they notice me--a girl, driving alone. Seriously, as the day getting nearer, my heart was not at peace. I felt like I wanted to cancel the whole trip and go back to Penang instead.

However, the night before the journey, a thought came across my mind. The Gerik road that I always use to go back to Penang is similar to LPT in the sense that there are less cars and there are also a lot of stories (ghosts and robbers alike). Instead of fearing the unknowns, I better pray hard to Allah so that He will protect me from any harm. Even so, I need to make sure that there will be no strange looking car following me. So, with that in mind, I pursued my initial plan. Dungun, here I come!

I thank Allah for giving me the courage and for protecting me from any harm because...coming to Dungun was one of the best decisions I have ever taken this year. I got to spend my days talking about all sorts of things with my dear friend. I got to taste her cooking (the last time I tasted her sardine was when we were in the U.K). I got to sleep on a big comfy bed. I got to watch TV (I have no TV in Jeli, I only depend on my laptop and hard disk). I got to see her school (it was a big school). I got to watch The Spectre in cinema (Kelantan is yet to have a cinema). I got to eat a lot of things in Dungun (we ate quite a big portion for just two of us; girls). I got to transfer more drama series and movies from her collection to my hard disk (I have Full House and Sungkyunkwan Scandal, yeaaaaaaahhhh). 

And the moment I was back in Jeli, I felt a tinge of sadness and loneliness. Now I kinda understand the feeling of leaving someone you care and love. I salute those who are in LDR (long distance relationship). I used to be so cold years ago but I guess I have such a soft heart now. Should I put the blame on my old age?

.........................

"You may forget someone you laughed with,

but you will never forget someone you cried with."

[Gibran Khalil Gibran]

: 15th November 2015.

: 3.50 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I managed to get her to watch 'I Hear Your Voice'

and now, she is falling in love with Park Soo Ha too.

See, I told ya. Lee Jong Suk has put a spell on us.

From EC6 to Student Village to two different states.

Because I Miss You [Jung Yonghwa] 

Dear my ex-roommate, my travelling partner and my gossip girl,

Believe it or not, we've known each other for almost 8 years now. We started our friendship as roommates, then as close friends, and over the years, we are more like a family. 

In every relationship, there are bounds to be ups and downs and we've been through all that. I admit that there were times when I was difficult to understand, times when I was being an annoying human being in that small room we shared back in the teaching college, times when I was suddenly being so distant, times when I was being such a spoiled baby and times when I was being so careless with my words. However, despite all that, you never fail to be such an amazing friend to me. 

I still remember the beginning of our friendship. We both were so different from each other. It was not easy to accommodate and cater the differences we had; you need to sleep with the light on while I can only sleep in total darkness, you tend to do assignments earlier while I am a last minute fighter, you tend to sleep early while I always sleep late and the list goes on and on. The differences that we had at that time can make us grow apart, but instead, by trying to understand and cater each and every difference that we had, we have grown closer day by day. And over time, we learn that we both are different but similar in so many ways.

It is a lie if we say that we never had a misunderstanding. We did, but thankfully, we somehow tried our best to communicate with each other. Communication is definitely important. I never like to say what I really think, but growing up with you, I learn to say what I have in mind. It was not easy for me to put into words all the thoughts I had at the beginning of our friendship, but over time, I can share a lot of things with you even without you asking about it. The words just come out when I am with you. It shows how comfortable I am with you. That is why we can stay up all night talking about all the random things that come into our minds. I miss doing that with you. You know, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. I hope you miss it too, just like I do.

I might never show or tell you directly but your presence in my life means a lot to me. It gives me real courage when I know you are there with me. Though we are now separated by distance and work commitments, I still hold you dear in my thoughts. And there were times, especially when I heard certain words being said by others or when I listened to songs that we used to listen together, you just popped into my mind. 

I could never thank you enough for all the support and love that you have given me throughout our friendship. Thank you for always being there for me especially when I need you the most. And sometimes, even without me having to reach for you, you are already there with a big warm hug. Tell you what, you are among those friends who can actually decipher the meaning behind every facial expression I make and every word I say. You know, with just one sentence and one type of laugh, you can definitely know whether I am being serious or I am joking. Oh, my students and even my colleagues can't differentiate between those two. It's so frustrating sometimes. 

Dear you, in case people haven't told you this, you are a beautiful person; inside out. You and your kind heart, that is what makes people so drawn to you. You are so pure and that is why some people take you for granted. But my dear, even if people might be harsh to you and the whole world might put you through such a difficult time, please continue being the kind you. Those people might not be able to appreciate you, but Allah knows and He will definitely reward you with better things in life. 

I might not be able to be there with you to lend my shoulder and shed your tears during your difficult times, but whatever brings you down, whatever makes you cry, whatever makes you hurt, I promise you, my prayers will always be there. In case I haven't told you this, remember, pain ends, but my love and support will never end. So, on this special day of yours, may you have all the happiness you deserve. And may Allah will always shower you with abundance of blessings in life.

Do you still remember this moment?

"One of the greatest gifts of God:

The people in our lives,

who accept,

and love,

the whole us-

not just the parts that glimmer."

: 13th October 2015.

: 11.59 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I have this habit where I will wish people Happy Birthday
a few minutes before the day ends.

Is it a bad habit? Should I change it?

Thanks for your time :)

Dancing on my own

..................

One of my friends called me when I was already at home, after a not-so-long day at school. It was not an everyday occasion to have someone calling me at that time, so I was a bit unprepared but more than excited to talk to her. As we chatted over the phone, I realised how much I miss us. 

Things are tough there, and here too. I don't know whether you'll be reading this anytime soon and realise this is for you, but if you do, please know that I feel you. People won't know how 'sugul' we are and it is definitely not easy to keep up with people's expectation and our own expectation. I guess we have to give everything a chance. Right, dear? I will always pray for you, and please pray for me too. Because the road that we might take will lead us to somewhere that only God knows. Oh, how I miss to have a long chat with you and spend the whole night talking about things like this. Take care, dear. Hope to hear good news or good development from you! :)

..................................

Every single day, I miss us in the U.K.

: 18th August 2014.

: 08.10 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Are we doing the right thing? 

"Let me tell you that it is possible."

[Team, Lorde]

Me too, Jude Law. Me too. 

Ahhahhahaha *start dah start dah*

..............................

Today I finally watched an old movie. Like before, I had a tough day and I decided to watch a movie. And a 1997 movie; 'Gattaca' caught my eyes. 

If I am not mistaken, one of my childhood friends used to pester me to watch this movie when I was like errr...thirteen years old? Oh gosh, it took me twelve years to finally watch the movie that she recommended. I think by now, she must have forgotten that she asked me to watch it. I'm sorry dear. This is me. I know you know how long it will take for me to watch a movie that anyone recommended. So yeah, finally I have watched it yeaaahhhhhh. 

I definitely made a right decision. Why? There are Ethan Hawke and Jude Law in the movie. Oh, eye candies. Why didn't I watch this movie sooner? Whyyyyy? Tula, orang dah lama suruh tengok takmau tengok. After watching these eye candies, there goes my tiredness and stress ahahhahahaha. 

But hey, you should try and watch the movie if you haven't. There are quite a number of issues that will make you think. While watching, terms like "prejudice", "nature vs nurture", "glass ceiling" and even "science vs fate" kept ringing in my head. It was nice to have a good thinking process while watching. Oh well, at least for me. Please do watch it when you are free. Even if you take ten years to finally watch it, by that time, if I am still alive, do let me know what you think about it. Let's have a deep discussion of this movie. Hehe.

 Caught what Ethan, caught what? My heart? 

Ahhahha *okay over dah over dah*

....................................

I miss having deep discussions about random things with my friends. My brain is getting a bit rusty after some time. Help me please.

: 4th August 2014.

: 11.20 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: The neighbour invited us for an open house today.

More fruits are in the house yooo~

In need of more space in my small brain.

Haruskah ku mati kerana mu

"Do you know how elephants are trained for the circus? When these animals are very young, the trainers chain them to the ground. These young and small elephants pull the chain to get themselves away but fail after a few attempts because they are not strong enough to break the chain on the ground. Soon they are convinced that it is impossible for them to get away. This continues until these elephants become adults. They believe that they cannot do it and quit trying. As a result, you see in a circus enormous elephants being held in place tied by just a small chain. The fact is, it's not the chain what keeps the elephants there."

Criminal Minds: Suspect Behaviour, "The Girl in The Blue Mask".

......................

Today I decided to read my dear friend's blog. 

It has been a while and I miss us. 

Thanks for sincerely asking and praying for me here
despite the poor internet and line connection. 

Hope you are doing fine there too. *hugs*

: 21st May 2014.

: 11.49 p.m.

: Kelantan, Malaysia.

: At 11.30 a.m. today, the principal came.

Right there and then, I am officially the secretary for a division 

and I was asked to go for a meeting at 2.00 p.m. later on the same day.

This is getting even more 'interesting' than I expected.
Be grateful dear for the opportunities to learn more. Be grateful.

Everyone has their own battles to fight.

Sad Love [ Lee Jung ]

I snapped a photo of an interesting quotation during my School Based Experience (SBE) once upon a time ago in the U.K.

.......................

I am blessed with friends whose spirits are tougher than steel, yet warm at hearts. My doctor friends are sure physically and emotionally tough. Not to mention my lawyer friends. Oh, and my engineer friends too. Oh, and my other friends with their own profession which I can't name them all. And hey, don't you ever forget my educator friends! They are all indeed superheroes. Superheroes in their own way.

Jobless? Hey, jobless friends are equally tough. Being jobless requires as much patience as others with profession; but well, in other sense. Still, it is tough. I understand it perfectly. Why? Because we are in the same boat. 

Dear friends, let's go through this storm of emotions and waves of expectations because we'll definitely reach the land of hope some day. We will, God willing. Have faith.

......................

Despite the dry season (no raiiinnnnnn we need raiiinnnnnnn), my brain is getting rusty. 

I don't know how the water can get into my brain though. 

You know, water + steel = rust. Ahhahha.

Oh well, lame. Just lame. 

: 26th February 2014.

: 11.00 p.m.

: Penang, Malaysia.

: I had a sweet breakfast date with my doctor friend and a soon-to-be Occupational Therapist friend.

We are still kids; especially around each other.

Cinta kita di Pantai Merdeka

"Reconnecting with an old friend is probably one of the best feelings ever. It just feels so nice to know that someone you last talked to years ago still remembers who you are and everything. I know it's such a little thing but it means a lot to me. It shows me that although certain things in life are forgotten, friendships aren't."

..........................

I had so much fun these few days with the presence of my friends during my primary school era, here in Penang. Thanks to one of our friends' wedding day because without such thing, we would not be able to get together and reminisce our childhood times. I was the driver for the two-days-getaway trip and the wedding of course (we were almost late to my friend's akad nikah fuhhhh thank God we made it on time) while my other friend, Miss Lawyer-to-be was the host for the weekend. Even though my house is just ten minutes from hers, I decided to tag along and sleepover at her place. Yeahhhh, we got to sleep late and talk about our childhood times, our current lives, our crushes and all (he he he, not to mention heartbreaks too *sigh*). When we were together, no matter how old we are, we acted like we are primary school kids. We felt like kids again. We felt like all those years apart were never there. Here's to never growing up! (tetiba lagu Avril Lavigne pulak dah). Anyway, spending time with them made me discover a lot of things in which I had unconsciously forgotten in the process of growing up. I guess I should write somewhere about all those 'discoveries' or else I might forget it again. My brain needs exercise, oh my.

...........................

The funniest thing is: everybody in my Year 6 class watched the telenovela 'La Usurpadora' at that time and each one of us had our own character based on that telenovela. Hahaha, how cute. 

: 9th February 2014.

: 10.00 p.m.

: Penang, Malaysia.

: I still remember how cool it was for someone to own a walkman at that time.

Now, I don't think people still remember what a walkman is ;p

As a driver, please remember what double line means.

Jodoh pasti bertemu

.............................

I went to both Gurney Paragon and Gurney Plaza today. My dear friends and I had a quick tour, oh well, window shopping to be exact at Gurney Paragon before we went to Gurney Plaza for a Korean barbecue at Seoul Garden. 

Gurney Paragon is a grand shopping complex, I shall say. There are more branded outlets there in comparison to Gurney Plaza, which I think explains the reason why there are more foreigners in Paragon. There are a few outlets which remind me of Europe and the U.K. But well, since I am jobless and the currency that I am using now is Ringgit Malaysia, I could only window shopping and silently gasped at the price. I missed shopping in the U.K (tetiba lols). While randomly roaming around the Paragon, I noticed a few restaurants in which I think I could give a try when I have a lot of money in my pocket. But until that time comes, I will just wait and wait. However, even though Paragon is a grand place for shopping, it doesn't offer a good place to pray for the Muslims. The prayer room is sooooo small, as small as a store room. Only three people at maximum can pray there at one time. I am not exaggerating here, really I am not. I hope the room is only temporary and a bigger room is being prepared in the future. Overall, Paragon is a nice place to window shopping and a good place to do a photography session with friends :p

Gurney Plaza also offers branded outlets but it also offers a lot more affordable outlets for jobless people like me. At least I can buy something and roaming around feeling like I can buy anything I want when I am not jobless ahhahaha. The prayer room is a lot more spacious than Paragon, that is why my friends and I decided to perform our Maghrib prayer there instead of Paragon. However, one thing that Plaza lacks is that the signboard to the prayer room is nowhere to be found. I had to ask the cleaner whom I think are Muslims to find the room. Oh well, we can't expect everything to be perfect, right?

Err wait, why on earth am I writing a review on shopping complexes? Oh well, we did have a great time though. Despite another unexpected incident happened later after our dinner in Seoul Garden, we did have a great time. And the theme song on our journey back home; Jodoh Pasti Bertemu by Afgan. Yeahhhhh.

: 7th December 2013.

: 11.48 p.m.

: Penang, Malaysia.

: Thank you dear lovely driver for today. 

Don't worry, it was nothing.
And don't worry, jodoh pasti bertemu ;)

I drove to Gurney on my own today.

My life is brilliant, my love is pure

I had a great day with my fellow Northern friends. We called ourselves--Geng Utara. Despite the bad traffic early in the morning thanks to the toll at Penang Bridge yeeaaahhhhh I love traffic jam (please note the sarcasm there), we managed to enjoy ourselves. One of our Penangite friends (well, apart from me) offered to treat us for lunch at his aunt's house so yeaaaahhhhhhh I love food (please note that I am sincerely being happy here ;p ). 

Unfortunately to those Kedahan and Perakian friends, we the Penangites are among the many Penangites who don't really memorise all the roads in Penang. There are so many freaking routes on that small island and most of them are either leading you to your destination or bring you to another part of the island in which might make you end up in never ending traffic jam, so we the Penangites find it very difficult to lead the way. Please understand us, we are just normal people. Ahhaha what an excuse. But alhamdulillah, thank God for the invention of GPS. We managed to find our way yeaaahhhhh.

We spent hours in a shopping complex; eating and wandering like nobody's business. We are all jobless people now. Nevertheless, money is not everything and we did have a great fun catching up with each other. We even met one of our seniors back in the U.K. 

Indeed, they are among the people I am blessed with. No matter how annoying I can be sometimes, they are there. Thank you, dear friends. 

Now, after all the fun, let us wait for the upcoming interview. All the best!

: 4th December 2013.

: 09.00 p.m.

: Penang, Malaysia.

: I don't know why but the phrase 'feliz navidad' keeps appearing in my brain

whenever I want to remember the name of my senior's son.

What a way of remembering people's name, dear self.

Sometimes love and loyalty means saving the ones you love from themselves.

Big girls don't cry

..........................

God has a perfect plan for everyone. 

He never does it all at once.

Just step by step 

because

He wants to teach us 

to walk by faith

and not by sight.

: 22nd November 2013.

: 11.00 p.m.

: Penang, Malaysia.

: Met two lovely friends of mine who are sweet yet strong at heart.

Even though it was a short catching up, seeing them smiles made me smile.

May God give them a strong backbone in facing every trial in life.

Randomness to the max.

Everytime I breathe I feel brand new

"It's okay to be silly, sometimes."

"I shed a few tears the moment I reached the top."

(Mr. Tall Lecturer, 23rd April 2013)

...........................

This whole practicum period is about to end soon. My feelings? I don't know. But one thing I know, I surely will miss this whole practicum moments, be it stressful, or happy.  

My students? They will occupy a big space in my heart, for they are my first bunch of students; no matter how naughty or childish they are. 

Oh, can't believe I'm saying all this. Better stop before things getting more emotional. Ahha.

...........................

"I heard you did the selca thingy with someone, Mr. Tall Lecturer." 

"Oh, like this?" (while getting the camera out and direct it at our faces) 

"Here? Now? Oh well, why not."

: 23rd April 2013.

: 11.30 p.m.

: Kelantan, Malaysia.

: "I believe I can fly", said the fat cat. Hey, nothing is impossible!

You are now a million steps ahead.

I will fight till forever

The truth is, I am envious of you. But despite that, I am extremely happy for you. It has been a dream of you, her, me, them and us all. Even though that dream was a patch of our old memories, still, it was and still is our dream. Take care there. I am proud of you. May Allah protect you. In case anything, do know that our prayers are with you.

: 16th April 2013.

: 11.40 p.m.

: Kelantan, Malaysia.

: I am the type of friend who does not keep in touch much, 

yet still remembers and prays that you still remember me.

Total craziness.

Cintaku terasa sempurna kerna hatimu

one slice. two. three.
four.
five.
and "crack". 

do you hear that? 

that's the sound of
my
heart
breaking. 

[Miss Penggemar Biskut Bijan]

..................................

coffee on the table.
oh, the smell
makes me wonder
do you as well?

[Miss Penggemar Biskut Bijan]

..................................

tick, tock, tick, tock
it's the sound of something
tick, tock, tick, tock
oh! again!
what's that
can you hear it?
tick, tock, tick, tock
once again!
can you guess what is that?

[Miss Penggemar Purple]

..................................

Zzzz
I see you sleep
It's a secret that I'll keep

[Mr. New Ipad] 

..................................

: 7th January 2013.

: 11.43 p.m.

: Kelantan, Malaysia.

: The above poems were spontaneously written by me

and fellow friends in the class this evening.
Bajet poem lettew padahal tak ahhaa.

We went to Istanbul. Just two of us.

Just like caffeine [Caffeine, Yang Yoseob]

Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places 

where other people see nothing.

.........................................

When a friend does something wrong, 

don't forget all the things they did right.

.........................................

A short walk is difficult, when no one walks with you.

But a long journey is just a few steps,

when you walk with someone who loves and cares for you.

.........................................

Had a lovely talk with a friend. 

It's not everyday people listen and accept my opinions. 

I feel loved.

: 28th November 2012.

: 08.30 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: Thank you for everything.

This will be our forever secret.