Bad habits vs Good habits

"I want you to consider what bad mental habits are holding you back,
what unhealthy beliefs are keeping you from being as mentally strong as you could be,
what one small step you could take, right here, right now."

.......................

Let us learn to:

• complain less about anything
• try our best to not envy others for their blessings
• try our best to self-love
• try not to magnify our misfortunes
• not let other people control us and our decisions
• try not to feel like the world owe us something

: 4th November 2016.

: 9.10 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Hey, let's do something good today. Like?

Cooking something new, come onnn :)

Imagine being in their shoes.

Home 

by Warsan Shire

no one leaves home unless
home is the mouth of a shark
you only run for the border
when you see the whole city running as well

your neighbors running faster than you
breath bloody in their throats
the boy you went to school with
who kissed you dizzy behind the old tin factory
is holding a gun bigger than his body
you only leave home
when home won’t let you stay.

no one leaves home unless home chases you
fire under feet
hot blood in your belly
it’s not something you ever thought of doing
until the blade burnt threats into
your neck
and even then you carried the anthem under
your breath
only tearing up your passport in an airport toilets
sobbing as each mouthful of paper
made it clear that you wouldn’t be going back.

you have to understand,
that no one puts their children in a boat
unless the water is safer than the land
no one burns their palms
under trains
beneath carriages
no one spends days and nights in the stomach of a truck
feeding on newspaper unless the miles travelled
means something more than journey.
no one crawls under fences
no one wants to be beaten
pitied

no one chooses refugee camps
or strip searches where your
body is left aching
or prison,
because prison is safer
than a city of fire
and one prison guard
in the night
is better than a truckload
of men who look like your father
no one could take it
no one could stomach it
no one skin would be tough enough

the
go home blacks
refugees
dirty immigrants
asylum seekers
sucking our country dry
niggers with their hands out
they smell strange
savage
messed up their country and now they want
to mess ours up
how do the words
the dirty looks
roll off your backs
maybe because the blow is softer
than a limb torn off

or the words are more tender
than fourteen men between
your legs
or the insults are easier
to swallow
than rubble
than bone
than your child body
in pieces.
i want to go home,
but home is the mouth of a shark
home is the barrel of the gun
and no one would leave home
unless home chased you to the shore
unless home told you
to quicken your legs
leave your clothes behind
crawl through the desert
wade through the oceans
drown
save
be hunger
beg
forget pride
your survival is more important

no one leaves home until home is a sweaty voice in your ear
saying-
leave,
run away from me now
i dont know what i’ve become
but i know that anywhere
is safer than here

: 2nd September 2015.

: 08.19 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: With all the riots and chaos in certain parts of the world,

there are a lot of refugees who are having tough time finding a safe place to stay.

To some, they are just a nuisance to their country and they couldn't care less about them.

Read this, and try picturing yourself in their shoes.
See, now our problems seem so little compared to them.

The Hours of My Life.

"And whoever does a wrong or wrongs himself, 

but then seeks forgiveness from Allah, 

he will find Allah forgiving and merciful."

(Surah An-Nisa', 4: 110)

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Boku no Ita Jikan (The Hours of My Life)

I have to admit that the moment I knew Haruma Miura acted in this drama, even though I know for sure (especially from the title) that it is a melodrama, I started to search and read the reviews; hoping that it is worth watching (and crying) for. And tell you what, I regret watching the first episode, not because the drama seems to be lousy, but because it seems to be good and unfortunately for me, the story is like a road that may be painful to walk on *weeps and grabs a tissue*.

It must be the tragic nature of the main character that attracts me to this drama (oh no I am not a sadist and well, put aside Haruma Miura please). This drama revolves around Sawada Takuto (played by Haruma Miura) who recently graduated from the university and has a difficult time getting a job. For the first few episodes, we can  see how Takuto; being the eldest son of a doctor, is emotionally hurt of being compared to his younger brother who is on his way of becoming a doctor and of being rejected from all the companies that he went for interview. It is still early for us to see how depressing this drama will be but as we see his struggles in keeping a positive outlook throughout the interviews and keeping a cheerful face as the parent seems to pay more attention to his brother, we cannot help but feel sorry for him. However, the presence of Hongo Megumi (played by Mikako Tabe), the girl whom he met during one of the interviews, adds sunshine to his life. Both of them happen to share the same bad luck of not getting a full-time job.

The first few episodes show how frustrating yet sweet Takuto's life is. After he is finally accepted by a furniture company, Takuto has to endure both harsh complaints from his senior colleagues and the lack of acknowledgement from his parent over his efforts in finally getting a decent job. But no, that is not all. As the plot develops, it seems like he has to endure something more tragic; he has ALS (whyyyyyyy of all people Takuto whyyyyyyy).

This drama, though almost similar with the most famous (and depressing to watch) drama of incurable disease; One Litre of Tears ( I cried not one litre but litres of tears wuwuwuuu my poor Nishikido Ryo), is interestingly different and special on its own. This drama shows that society can get ugly; but there are people who are willing to accept, willing to hope, willing to help. Oh, at least there is hope for humanity (especially in this sick world we are living now). 

....................

me      : you should watch this show.
friend : oh yeah? how was it?
me      : it shatters your heart and soul into a million pieces and makes you weep for months.
friend : ...
me      : it's good, you should watch it.

: 27th June 2015.

: 3.00 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: "I think you do meet people you are destined to meet." [Sawada Takuto] 

Never in anyone's name.

Let me ask you a question. I want you to be honest with me when you answer it. 

Question 1: 

           What do you feel if someone insult or make fun of someone you love? Let say your dear parents. Or maybe your beloved spouse or partner.

Question 2: 

What will you do to him or her who said those nasty things to your beloved?

For Question 1, it is perfectly normal and human if you feel angry or hurt. You might feel like slapping that person or even do the same thing too.  

For Question 2, your answer is what will determine you. I admit, most of us will imagine all sorts of things to do (e.g. slapping that person, throwing eggs or making fun of their beloveds or even strangling that person to death) but imagination is just imagination. Your action is what counts. And your action pays a great deal of consequences later in life.

I am merely human, imperfect human. In career-wise, I am a teacher. A new one in teaching to be exact. Throughout my short period in being a teacher, there are numerous times when I feel like strangling my students to death for their misbehaviour. In my mind, I might have canned them and shred their exam papers to pieces. However, it is just in my head. I admit, I am a bad teacher, I know but I believe most of the teachers have at least imagined to do such things once. The keyword here: imagine.  

But if I were to carry such actions, I am not just proving myself to be one freaking bad and evil teacher, but the people around me will face the consequences for my action. I am a teacher, therefore, all the teachers will be affected. The teaching profession will be tainted and society will start judging teachers and a great amount of hatred and fear will infiltrate the society. And who knows, a father who used to hate teachers will end up killing innocent teachers to pay for my action? 

This is just an example for what is happening lately. 

Muslims are being backlashed for the crimes that people who claimed to do it in the name of Islam did. Seriously, using religion to justify any crime is just pure evil and sin and madness. There is no religion in this world which promotes killing and massacre. No. Not in Islam. Not in Christianity. Not in Buddhism. Not in any religion.  

And killing in the name of God? Never. Never in God's name.

.....................

“Loving the Prophet (salla Allah alayhi wa sallam) is a necessary requirement of Iman. Defending his honor is a sign of belief. This is done by following his teachings and practice, not by murdering in his name. 

Our Prophet was verbally abused and physically harassed multiple times in Makkah. Never ONCE did any of the Companions go and murder those who did such deeds. 

Do those who kill others in the name of the Prophet believe that they love him more than the companions? 

And even for those who believe that the penalty for blasphemy should be death: by unanimous consensus of ALL the scholars of Islam, this must take place after a legitimate trial, by a qualified judge, appointed by a legitimate Islamic state. Under NO circumstances does Islam allow vigilante justice, for to open this door leads to chaos, confusion and bloodshed. 

Muslims: get your act together!! Such acts of terror are not only haram and spill innocent blood, they will come back to harm you and your communities in the short and long run. 

And as a result, all of us will suffer.”

[Dr Yasir Qadhi]

: 9th January 2014.

: 9.00 a.m.

: Penang, Malaysia.

: What is happening to the world?

What is happening to humanity?

In the next few hours, I will go for my job interview.

When we collide we come together

.......................

As the first person on the list tomorrow,

I pray that everything will be just fine.

Dear self, please promise me that

no matter what,

smile.

: 10th December 2013.

: 10.15 p.m.

: Penang, Malaysia.

: Tomorrow; 11.12.13--the nice date ever in this year.

I hope with the nice date, I will have the nicest interviewers ever.

Prayers and more prayers to you.

.....................

"Be mindful of Allah, so He may be mindful of you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will always find Him before you. Be mindful of Allah during prosperity, He will be mindful of you during austerity. If you are in need, ask Allah. If you seek help, seek His help, and be informed that there is a great deal of goodness in what you dislike, that victory comes with perseverance, that ease follows hardship and that with every hardship there is ease."

[Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h]

: 12th June 2013.

: 11.00 p.m.

: Penang, Malaysia.

: A strong girl she is. Let's pray for her, for everyone.

Literally just a few more days. A few more days.

You left me praying for a single drop of rain oh

This is the monologue that I had once upon a time in a relief class during the Practicum period.

Wow, 10 minutes have just passed? Why so slow?
20 minutes in this class is like a 2 hours of war.
You're right, the boys are playing with the stick of the chair.
They are noisy, but at least they are not fighting.
Most of them resorted to sleeping which is good.
I just don't feel like shouting or saying anything.
I will just look at them and pretend that I write their names. I use this method a lot you see.
It's until time before they realise that my method is just a mere pretense. 

Oh wow, alhamdulillah, finally the bell rings! 

  

............................................................

This is the monologue that I had once upon a time in a kayak during the BIG programme.

Oh no, my partner looks unreliable.
I guess I just have to paddle like there's no tomorrow!
No, no, let me get that paddle on my own! Oh well, since he took it for me, oh well, thanks.
Hey, he is not that bad.
I guess I can just say that I do not know how to kayak ahhaha.
It's too hottttttt. Oh sun, why nowwwwww.
Hurry hurry, paddle paddleeeee I cannot take this hot heat.
Oh wait, I can see the land now yehuuuuuu.

Oh wow, alhamdulillah, finally we made it!

: 13th May 2013.

: 07.17 p.m.

: Kelantan, Malaysia.

: Sad and gloomy. In need of positive vibes. Hey you, look!

At the end of the day you will say "Oh wow, alhamdulillah, finally I made it!"

Just you wait and see. He will not burden you more than you can bear.

The end is just around the corner. Or is it the beginning?

One way or another

For those who are with me in this tough month, keep marching on! 

Or should I say, keep crawling on?

..............................

Sometimes, it is not the whole lot bunch of work that makes one's soul so drained.
Sometimes it is just the way people around you makes you feel.

...........................

This is the time where people start complaining, comparing and draining their own souls.

Sorry if I did one of those. And dear friends, let's start supporting.

: 20th April 2013.

: 11.35 p.m.

: Kelantan, Malaysia.

: I see it coming.

S.O.S.

This is the reality now.

Let us not be ignorant.

Let us pray for everyone.

: 26th November 2012.

: 05.54 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: It's not about being a hero, it's about helping others in need.

Of rooftop and muse.

No one lives there anymore

Whatever life throws at the individual, there is always the dove-like glimmer of hope that sits in all of us that is so strong that its voice can still be heard in the "gale" of stormy times. Everyone goes through stormy times in their life, and no matter what, there is no need to despair.

[an interpretation of Hope is a thing with feathers by Emily Dickinson]

..............

"For happiness one needs security, 

but joy can spring like a flower even from the cliffs of despair."

: 28th June 2012.

: 10.35 a.m.

: Penang, Malaysia.

: You want to know someone who is amazing, beautiful and has the cutest smile ever?

Read the first word again :)

.....no more.

Stop it now, please leave me alone

I've put an end to this.

So, let's not talk about this anymore, shall we?

.........................................................

Everyone, let's do our best okay? 

We've promised to smile through the tears, haven't we?

So, come on, come on! (^___^)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbybm5KBiNQ&feature=share

: 27th October 2011.

: 10.08 a.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: .....no more, please.

Get Out...Good Bye

And I am going to the right way for you

Can I have this car, pretty please? 

: 20th September 2011.

: 21 Syawal 1432H.

: 10.26 a.m.

: Malaysia.

: I'm speechless.

Believe in Him.

My heart is so small

it’s almost invisible.

How can You place

such big sorrows in it?

“Look,” He answered,

“your eyes are even smaller,

yet they behold the world."

Tsunami in Japan.

Tsunami in Japan. Let's pray for them. 

Let's pray for the other countries expected will be hit by tsunami. 

Let's pray for all.

 "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return” (2: 256)

: Hopefully everything is okay there. 

Dear Miss Pelukis Anime, my prayers are with you.

Swing away~

Suddenly missing my childhood times.
I really miss the fun that I had back then,
the carefree life I led,
and the days where everything was interesting and entertaining.

I am thinking of asking Doraemon to lend me his time machine.

Anybody want to join me?

Let us be kids again, even just for a day.
I just want to play freely again with those whom I dear and missed.
No harm done, right?

The lesson.

There's a lesson behind everything that happened recently.

There definitely is.

Only those who realise this will learn what the lesson is.

Showing just merely hatred won't solve anything.

Hatred never solves anything.

Hatred will only lead to another hatred.

Instead, spread the bond of love that we share.

Show the world how the bond makes us all united.

United to fight any injustice on innocent people.

United to fight for peace and freedom.

It is the same bond of love that makes us fight for the rights of these people.

Love, not hatred.

That is why, in order to do this, let us all turn to Him.

Let us break away from our own illusions and practise the real way of life.

Islam's way of life.

Remember, true muslims spread only love and peace, not hatred and misery.

In order to help them, we must change ourselves for the better.

Because, only better persons with strong faith make a strong ummah.

Sabda Rasulullah SAW; "Kebaikan generasi pertama umat ini kerana adanya sifat syahid dan keimanan yang kuat, dan binasanya generasi akhir umat ini kerana adanya sifat bakhil dan byk berangan-angan".

: 3rd June 2010.

: Do you know what is the real meaning of 'jihad'?
No, it's not perpetual war against non-Muslims,
 but the struggle to do good on earth for the sake of God.
When you fight with lazy-self to perform prayers or do your best in study, it is also a 'jihad'.
So, let us 'jihad' to be a better Muslim!

Deep in my heart.

Deep in my heart, I am terrified.
Scared. Helpless.

You just don't know how terrified I am.

You just don't know how helpless I feel.

You just don't know how torn my heart is.

You will never do, because you've never been in my shoes.

Hating the sins is definitely not the same as hating the sinners.

We don't have the rights to judge over people's sins; only God has the right to do so.

Only He is the Most Powerful and the Most Rightful.

Hate the sins, not the sinner.
Pandang setiap manusia dengan kata maca dakwah.

I often being told this.
And I believe, in Islam, we are taught to do the same.
And I believe, in Islam, we are taught to condemn the sins, and hate the sins but not the sinners.
But in most cases, most people tend to forget this thing. Not just Muslims, but most people tend to forget.
Be it only the small sins or big sins, people tend to hate the sinners, not the sins.
That is why people tend to forget that it is the sin that we must hate and fight against, not the sinner, for the sinner might repent and become a better person.
Remember, only God has the power to choose whom He favours.
Hidayah Allah itu milik Allah.

Of course, as a Muslim, with all my might and effort, I must help and continue helping all my Muslim brothers and sisters who suffer from the oppression and injustice in Gaza.
It is my responsibility to help those who share the same religion as mine.
I must help them, in any way that I can. I help them because of the bond that we share in Islam.
But, that doesn't mean if they are not Muslims, as a Muslim I must not do anything.
God teaches us to treat others fairly and with respect, no matter who they are.
Even Prophet Muhammad treated all the Arabs; which consist of many different groups with respect.
During those times, even Jews and Christians were given the freedom to practise their own religion and do their own business in Medina.

Islam never encourages war.
Islam encourages peace, and thus, Muslims are forbidden to attack the country if that country chooses to made a treaty with the Muslims.
But if the country chooses not to made any treaty or truce and likely to have a war, then, in this case, war seems to be inevitable.
What more if other country attacks and violates the Muslims first.
In this case, in terms of defending the country and its own citizens, then war is inavoidable.
That were the reasons why wars occured during that time, during the Era of Khulafa', Bani Umaiyah, Abbasiyah and Uthmaniyah.
And only with that very same reasons, Muslims must stand united and fight.
That is why in this Palestine's case and Gaza, Muslims are together to help.
It's our responsibility to help and fight for our Muslim brothers and sisters, and it is also our responsibility to help those who are not Muslims in the land of Gaza.
This has to do with our love, our responsibility and our sense of humanity.

That is why I condemn the Israeli attacks on the humanitarian aid by Flotilla.
I totally condemn the attacks.
I feel that the Israeli army who are involved should not do so, as Flotilla only tries to bring in the humanitarian aid to the people in Gaza. They are there to help. That is why they should not be attacked.
Besides, I also condemn the Israeli army's attacks on innocent people and the destruction that they made in Palestine, in which I find that it is totally inhuman and unfair.
If you think I condemn them only because they attack the Muslims, you are wrong.
There are not just Muslims in Palestine, there are also Christians and many other people with different beliefs in Palestine. I condemn them because they attack innocent people; in other words, they attack the humanity.
I condemn them for their injustice.

I condemn the injustice and the sins that they do.
I hate such actions and sins.
But that doesn't mean I hate all the Jews, for not all Jews do that. Not all the Jews think and feel that those attacks are necessary. There are also Jews who condemn such violence and fight for humanity.
Well, they are also Jews. But in this case, are they the same as those Israeli's army that is also known as the Zionists?
If we Muslims think that all the Jews are the same and put them under the same category, we are just the same as those who label all Muslims as terrorists.
And if you show the world your hatred and prejudice towards the whole Jews without any reasons, it will bring a negative image on Islam and Muslims.
How can we ask other religions or races to respect Islam if we Muslims hate Jews?
Remember, not all Jews are Zionists.
We Muslims hate the sins and the destructions that these Zionists do and intend to do, not simply because they are Jews.
We fight to stop all these destructions and violence. We want peace and justice.

If you really hate the Jews, then what about Moses (Nabi Musa)? David (Nabi Daud)? And Solomon (Nabi Sulaiman)?
They are the Jews; mereka adalah Nabi-nabi dari keturunan Bani Israel, and yet they are the messengers from God.
Besides, the Jews that are condemned in Al-Quran are those who break Allah's rules and those who are at war against Islam and Muslims. They are also those who are mentioned in Al-Quran as the ones who made destructions and violence on the earth.
They are condemned for the sins and the destructions that they made.
However, for the Jews who don't do such things, they are treated fairly by Prophet Muhammad.
See the difference?

Treat others like you want others to treat you.

We Muslims know that we are not terrorists.
No matter what others say, we Muslims know how beautiful Islam is.
No matter what, we respect others.
We all know how powerful God is.
We all know how true His promise is.
Let us pray for peace; pray for what is the best for us.
We often forget that God is always with the righteous ones.
Take this Palestinian issues and Gaza incidents as lessons.
Lessons for us to always turn to Him.
Lessons for us to always believe in Him.
Believe in Him, for He knows.
Believe me, He knows.

I just want to share this link; 6 tips on dealing with people of Jewish faith. http://islam.about.com/gi/o.htmzi=1/XJ/Ya&zTi=1&sdn=islam&cdn=religion&tm=11&a mp;f=00&tt=14&bt=0&bts=1&zu=http%3A//www.allaahuakbar.net/jew/tips.htm 

 

" Saya tak boleh buat apa-apa. Saya boleh doa sahaja." Ketahuilah, anda telah berbohong.Hakikatnya, berusaha mengubah diri dan masyarakat itu sendiri adalah bantuan kepada saudara kita di Gaza."

: 2nd June 2010.

: The longest entry I've ever written.
However, no matter how long I took to write this down,
 it can't be compare with how long the destructions and injustice have occured in the land of Gaza.
Let us all pray so that one day it will be freed and all sorts of injustice will stop. Ameen.

I miss you guys, really.

...

I really miss my school days. Oh, what a nostalgia!

Time flies quite fast isn't it?
Really, as I count back all the minutes and seconds that passed by, I couldn't believe myself that I've already grown up!
I couldn't believe myself how I have changed for these past few years.

Looking back at my old pictures with my school mates, I never stopped laughing.
Laughing at how innocent we looked,
laughing at all the stupid things that we had done,
laughing at all the ambitious and illogical dreams that we had,
laughing at all the happy, funny and embarassing moment that we had,
but,
looking back at my friends' faces, my heart never stopped aching.
I'm sad thinking about how distance makes us all apart,
I'm sad thinking about how different all of us now,
I'm sad thinking about how the memories of our happy and sad moments had slowly fading as time goes by.
I couldn't stop feeling sad thinking that the big tree that we used to held our daily 'picnic' (well, we didn't quite like rushing to the canteen, did we?) might be chopped down one day.
I couldn't stop feeling hurt thinking that I can't be there with you everytime you face problems like I used to before.
And I, I couldn't stop feeling sad, sad for not being able to hug you when you are sad.

You know, I never ever stop wishing that you would be here with me,
doing that 'neko dance', laughing at our stupid jokes, giggling over our so-called secrets and crushs,
waiting and complaining over the late bus, competing with each other over the latest news in comics and anime world, copying each other's homework and hugging each other everytime one of us is feeling down.
I never stop wishing that you would be here,
Really! You know why?
Because I miss you.

But, no matter how much I miss you, I know, deep in your heart, you miss me too.
How do I know?
We are friends, aren't we?

I hope, really really hope, that one fine day, all of us can be together again under that big tree.
Even for a while, I really hope we can meet again.
Because, I really want to hug you again.
You see, I really miss your warm hug, and your sincere smile.
That's why, no matter how much you have changed,
I really hope that your hug and smile will still remain the same.

[Oh God, please take a good care of all my friends, no matter where they are. I just want them to always be strong no matter what.]

: 1st March 2010.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: An unexpected call from one of my old classmates really touched my heart. 
I was so hurt for not being able to hug her when she had problems. 
Miss Peminat Kindaichi, be strong!

Hey, I'm only human.

.......
.........
............


For these past few days, I've been having my worst mental breakdown.
Maybe because of the tiredness that I feel and the pain that I have to endure as each day passes by.

I have tried my best to think positive,
to be patient and stay strong,
to remain calm and not say anything,
to think of good reasons why you did that,
to just let you realise what you have make me feel even if it takes time.
But, no matter what, as days passed by,
I just can't stand this tiredness, this frustration, and this pain.

Hey, I'm only human.
That's why I'm not that strong,
that's why I'm easily triggered by all of that,
that's why I'm not perfect.

And I know you are too.
And I forgive you.
All that I ask from you is for you to change,
and stop taking me for granted.
That's all.
Nothing more, nothing less.

: 19th February 2010.

: 02.50p.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: I'm trying to change myself, just for you. And I hope you too. 
Because I really believe in second chance. 
But, I also want you to always remember that my patience has its own limitation.
So please, don't let my patience die out. 

Things change.

....
Do you realise that,

Things are not the same anymore.

And all of us have changed?

You are not what you were before.

I am not what I was before.

We are no longer what we used to be before.

Why?

Because as time passes us by, we experience different things.

We encounter different people.

We face different problems.

That's why we are not the same like before.

And that's why we both have changed.

But, no matter how things have changed,

I hope that there will be no day when we start not to greet each other anymore.

Because, no matter how we all have changed,

the memories of us will still remain the same.

I still have pictures of us in my mind. I hope you too.

"You must become the change you wish to see in the world."

: 17th February 2010.

: 12.48a.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: By the way, two of my housemates, Miss Penggemar Susu and Miss Penggemar Buah Oren 

have to perform for our University's Open Day tomorrow (erm..technically, today). 

All the best! I believe you guys will be just fine! And great!  Ehhe.