Let every unfortunate event become a lesson to me, you and us.

As long as you love me, I'll be your platinum

...................

I am a person who has a lot of weaknesses.

Most people can't see that.

1) I wake up late. I love to sleep in, especially after Fajr prayer.

2) I am lazy, I love to procrastinate things.

3) I am pure lazy, I love to not doing anything except waiting 

(you know which context I am referring to).

4) I don't like to cook for fun. I only cook for living; for staying alive.

5) I don't like to bake things; cakes, cupcakes, any desserts...just name it. 

6) I am not friendly, in fact I tend to keep conversation short if I am not that close with someone.

7) I don't sweet talk, so if I praise people, I will keep it brief and simple.

8) I am not good with young kids. Oh, with teenagers too.

9) In fact, I am not good in talking to guys. Awkward.

10) I love to eat, but recently I become a picky eater. 

However, I believe it is not too late to change for the better slowly (and gracefully hihihi :p ).

Hurm, which one should I fix first?

......................

A good wife material? 

I am sure I am not.

But I am more than eager to find someone who will accept me the way I am.

: 31st August 2014.

: 9.00 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Happy Independence Day, Malaysia.

Let us be independent; free from laziness and ignorance.

This is for when you have dark days.

May It Be 

"I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened."

"So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the ring. In which case, you also were meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought."

[Frodo Baggins and Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings- The Fellowship of The Ring]

.....................

"I can't do this, Sam."

"I know. It's all wrong. By rights, we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you that meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going, because they were holding on to something."

"What are we holding to, Sam?"

"That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it's worth fighting for."

[Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings- The Two Towers]

......................

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life?

How do you go on when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back?

There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold."

[Frodo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings- The Return of The King]

.......................

: 27th August 2014.

: 4.30 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Too many things, so little time.

Lucky in game, unlucky in love.

I watched this movie a few days ago.

The Hunger Games.

.............................

Lucky in game, unlucky in love.

Are we?

If yes, why?

Something must be wrong.

Is it me, 

or the whole situation?

What if nothing is wrong? 

But why does it feel wrong?

...............................

Happy birthday to me! :)

: 25th August 2014.

: 10.40 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I have a lot of friends with beautiful and kind soul.

Surprises and gifts. Thank you for those. Oh, I can't repay all of those, really.

May God bless all of you :)

Thanks for your time :)

Dancing on my own

..................

One of my friends called me when I was already at home, after a not-so-long day at school. It was not an everyday occasion to have someone calling me at that time, so I was a bit unprepared but more than excited to talk to her. As we chatted over the phone, I realised how much I miss us. 

Things are tough there, and here too. I don't know whether you'll be reading this anytime soon and realise this is for you, but if you do, please know that I feel you. People won't know how 'sugul' we are and it is definitely not easy to keep up with people's expectation and our own expectation. I guess we have to give everything a chance. Right, dear? I will always pray for you, and please pray for me too. Because the road that we might take will lead us to somewhere that only God knows. Oh, how I miss to have a long chat with you and spend the whole night talking about things like this. Take care, dear. Hope to hear good news or good development from you! :)

..................................

Every single day, I miss us in the U.K.

: 18th August 2014.

: 08.10 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Are we doing the right thing? 

Which road should I take?

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, 

And sorry I could not travel both 

And be one traveler, long I stood 

And looked down one as far as I could 

To where it bent in the undergrowth;


Then took the other, as just as fair, 

And having perhaps the better claim, 

Because it was grassy and wanted wear; 

Though as for that the passing there 

Had worn them really about the same,


And both that morning equally lay 

In leaves no step had trodden black. 

Oh, I kept the first for another day! 

Yet knowing how way leads on to way, 

I doubted if I should ever come back.


I shall be telling this with a sigh 

Somewhere ages and ages hence: 

Two roads diverged in a wood, 

and I— I took the one less traveled by, 

And that has made all the difference.

....................................

This poem is basically the story of my life.
These days.

: 16th August 2014.

: 9.10 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Who thought going back for the weekend (which is like less than two days)

would be so eventful.

"...just find out my love was free."

how to travel in time: read

how to escape time: music

how to feel time: write

how to waste time: social media

.....................

I seldom went online on Facebook because I feel it is too heavy for the slow internet connection and for my antique laptop (I am afraid to use the word 'old' because my laptop will feel insulted :p ). Today, as the internet connection was a bit faster than usual, I decided to go on Facebook. Oh my, a lot of sweet posts on my timeline. Ohhh, the happy faces and the sweet posts made me contagiously happy. I then posted a few random notes on a few of my friends' wall and commented here and there. And here I am, looking at the time and noooooooo, I missed my afternoon nap (padahal lepas subuh sambung tido sampai pukul berapa, mashaAllah ish ish ish teruk teruk). 

Oh well, it's not an everyday occasion to see me disturbing people on Facebook. The truth is, I miss all my friends. I hope they are doing fine wherever they are. 

.....................

All I want from you is to see tomorrow,

And every tomorrow, 

maybe you'll let me borrow

your heart

: 8th August 2014.

: 04.55 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: There is one newly-wed couple (my secondary school friend),

which I find very sweet and look extremely cute together.

They showed me how distance is never an obstacle in love.

Ohhhh, jelly nyeeeee saya~ ahhahha

Where are you, my love?

You are my destiny, you are

Kim So Hyun is not my type, but he does look cute in this drama.

Whyyy ohh whyyyyy?
This is bad.

........................

Have I told you that almost every day I think of when will the right person come and when will the right time be? 

Thanks to people around me who ask the same question to me ahhahaha.

: 7th August 2014.

: 10.35 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: No, I am not desperate. I am just wondering. 

Real love changes someone; for the better, not for the worse.

Loving him was red

......................

I woke up today with red eyes. I thought it was the effect of me rubbing the eyes last night. So I went to the school like usual. When a group of teachers saw my eyes, they screamed, "Oh no, your eyes. Go the clinic now, go. Take MC. Go, go." 

And here I am, feeling bored at home, with these red eyes. Maybe I should listen to Taylor Swift's Red to 'celebrate' this. A ha ha ha haa *awkward laugh*

: 6th August 2014.

: 1.45 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: My friend pointed out that this month a lot of people 

either found their love or celebrated their love (through engagement or marriage).

A month filled with love? But when will I find my love?

"Let me tell you that it is possible."

[Team, Lorde]

Me too, Jude Law. Me too. 

Ahhahhahaha *start dah start dah*

..............................

Today I finally watched an old movie. Like before, I had a tough day and I decided to watch a movie. And a 1997 movie; 'Gattaca' caught my eyes. 

If I am not mistaken, one of my childhood friends used to pester me to watch this movie when I was like errr...thirteen years old? Oh gosh, it took me twelve years to finally watch the movie that she recommended. I think by now, she must have forgotten that she asked me to watch it. I'm sorry dear. This is me. I know you know how long it will take for me to watch a movie that anyone recommended. So yeah, finally I have watched it yeaaahhhhhh. 

I definitely made a right decision. Why? There are Ethan Hawke and Jude Law in the movie. Oh, eye candies. Why didn't I watch this movie sooner? Whyyyyy? Tula, orang dah lama suruh tengok takmau tengok. After watching these eye candies, there goes my tiredness and stress ahahhahahaha. 

But hey, you should try and watch the movie if you haven't. There are quite a number of issues that will make you think. While watching, terms like "prejudice", "nature vs nurture", "glass ceiling" and even "science vs fate" kept ringing in my head. It was nice to have a good thinking process while watching. Oh well, at least for me. Please do watch it when you are free. Even if you take ten years to finally watch it, by that time, if I am still alive, do let me know what you think about it. Let's have a deep discussion of this movie. Hehe.

 Caught what Ethan, caught what? My heart? 

Ahhahha *okay over dah over dah*

....................................

I miss having deep discussions about random things with my friends. My brain is getting a bit rusty after some time. Help me please.

: 4th August 2014.

: 11.20 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: The neighbour invited us for an open house today.

More fruits are in the house yooo~

This is what we did during Eid.

Ooooo balik kampung

If you ask me about how is my Eid celebration, let me tell you in one word: hectic.

I came back from Jeli on last Thursday, after school hours (pecut terus haaaa amik hang tak sabaq nak balik tau dak) and reached Penang around 5 p.m. There were a lot of cars on  the road to Penang and a lot more on the roads in Penang. Cars, why are you so many on the roadsssssss?

It was on Saturday night that we started our journey balik kampung to my mother's hometown in Malacca. This time, my two brothers and me were the drivers for this trip. Thank God we were heading south as there were way too many cars that were heading to north. I heard that the traffic jam was terrible and as there were a few accidents along the way, the cars were barely moving. Oh well, festive season. What do you expect?

This Eid was indeed happening as almost all the families from my mother's side (her siblings and their family) were gathered in my grandmother's place. It has been quite a while since we, the cousins which were almost 26 of us gathered and had a catch up session. It was wonderful to share stories and tease each other as we peeled onions, cut the vegetables, fried the chicken, cleaned the cookie jars and washed plates and more plates. Even though it was freaking tiring as the work process seemed to be never ending, it was indeed fun to be with cousins that used to be part of my childhood. We even illegally went out on a night to play fireworks and the illegal things that I shall not name ahhahaha.

On the first day of Eid, we went to relatives' houses and the mothers and fathers would talk to the relatives about the old memories for hours while the sons and daughters sat there eating and munching like nobody's business. And, as I have already started working, I was not qualified for duit raya anymore. I was the one who had to give duit raya. Noooooooooo. Ahhahaha.

On the second day of Eid, my family decided to go visit my father's siblings in Johor. It was a last minute decision and my brothers were quite reluctant due to the fact that it was not that near to go to and fro to Johor. However, despite the amount of cars on the highway, we still went to Johor. This time, my brother and I were the drivers for the day. I was extremely grateful for God gave me the ability to drive for a long distance. If not, I don't know what will happen. 

In Johor, we went to my uncle's house and ate laksa Johor. I used to dislike laksa Johor but as time passed by, I find laksa Johor quite delicious on its own. I ate two plates of laksa Johor fuhhhh alhamdulillah. After that, instead of going to my aunt's house near Skudai, we went to an old folks' home near Johor Bahru. I hate to tell you this but one of my aunts was there. She was unwell and since her children didn't want to take care of her, she was placed there. It was heartbreaking to see her there, however it was even more heartbreaking to see that she was unable to recognise my father. My heart ached to see all the old people there; having no one to visit them. They seemed so happy to see us and even came to greet us. Words could not describe what I felt at that moment. Please dear sons and daughters, no matter what, don't you ever leave your parents at any old folks' home. Your parents deserve a better place than there.

After spending almost an hour there, we had to go back as the visiting time was over for quite some time. We then decided to drop by at another uncle's house near Yong Peng. The traffic was extremely terrible. We reached his house at around 10.30 p.m and guess what time did we leave? 1.40 a.m! Urgh, I was sooooo sleepy but since I had to drive, gosh, God knows how I tried my best to stay alert on the road. Alhamdulillah, we finally reached Malacca at around 3.30 a.m. Fuhhh, what a long day.

We spent another day in Malacca and went back to Penang on Wednesday night. We reached Penang on Thursday morning and my two brothers and I went out to buy things for the house later on the afternoon. On Friday, we went and visited our nanny's house in Permatang Pauh and my aunt's house in Tasek Gelugor. Fuhhh, non-stop driving and eating. 

On Saturday morning, I went back to Jeli to serve the nation. Ahhaha ayat tak tahan. And well, now here I am, writing this. I hope tomorrow will treat me good.

: 2nd August 2014.

: 9.20 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Driving is fun, as long as there is no traffic jam.