That blog of a friend of mine.

How many nights how you wish someone would stay? Lied awake only hoping they're okay? [One Direction]

 

Sometimes, these are the words that I want to say the most.

Especially at times like this,

to that dear friend of mine.

................

 When your relationship with the Almighty is weak,

you'll see every small problem as massive,

too big for you to handle.

Strengthen the link! 

-Dr Bilal Philips

................

The world is a book 

and those who don't travel

have only read one page.

: 31st October 2015.

: 10.30 a.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Today, I woke up early just to do blog-walking while listening to ballads.

After reading one of my friends' blog, I couldn't help but to reminisce.

You are right, dear. All those times we were in the U.K,

it's like we were in a sweet dream; having the best time of our lives.

And after watching a video you made of our 34 hours journey from KLIA to Plymouth,

I find myself missing you, missing our friends,

and missing all those memorable trips together.

Chivalry is dead.

I was born to love you [Queen]

When you think about it, people are really absurdly unfair to teachers, or educators. The people in the society blames you for their own failure in parenting, the society blames you for the students' own failure, the students hate you for being responsible.

You are judged by being rated by students, who rate you by "How much you entertain us," not "How much we learned from you." They say "thank you" once a year, during Teachers' Day, but many do not mean it.

The adults say you are important, and pay you peanuts, and tell their kids, "If you don't study well, you'll end up being a teacher" like your job is the worst on Earth.

But you have to say you love your job or people will judge you, even though this job, which once you loved, is drying up your blood and emptying up your soul. Like a curse.

And that's why I respect every teacher. Not because I'm one of them. But teachers are basically like Batman, from Nolan's Batman movies:

"That you are not the hero who the society wants, but someone the society needs. So they'll abuse you, because you can take it. Because you're not their hero. You're a silent guardian, a protective watcher. A Real Knight."

(taken from a post which my friend shared on Facebook)

.........................

It feels tiring to be bullied by students,

but it feels terribly exhausting to be bullied by your own colleagues; 
the teachers.

: 29th October 2015.

: 10.10 p.m.
: Jeli, Kelantan.
: Just because I am capable of being the MC (Master of Ceremony),
just because I am always ready to help with the library,
just because I can teach Physics even though I am a TESL graduate,
just because I can drive for miles,
just because I can write the minutes of meeting decently,
just because I can handle the back classes,
it doesn't mean I am the only person who you should give all the work to.
I am not the only teacher in the school, though.
You should learn to see the best in other teachers too.

For every ending, there is a new beginning.

Here I am [Secret Garden OST]

"Every single success you experience is a combination of two things:

your effort and Allah's help.

When you don't put in enough effort, Allah does not give His barakah.

And sometimes you might put in a lot of effort but you may not see the result you expected.

That, also, is Allah's barakah." 

-Nouman Ali Khan.

...................

Sticks and stones may break your bones

but tv shows and books will crush your soul to a million pieces.

..................

One of my friends randomly mentioned a new drama series to me. And now, after I finished watching Secret Garden, I am totally hooked to the new drama. The drama is still ongoing, though. Urgh, to wait for a new episode to come out is somehow testing my patience. I have to wait for weekends to be able to watch it. Urgh, my weekends. I should put the blame solely on her. Why on earth did you mention it, my dear? Arghhhhhhhhh.

Or, rather than putting the blame on her, I should put the blame on my own self. I am easily influenced, I guess. Get a grip, my dear self. Get a grip. Your kids are going to sit for SPM examination soon. You have to remind them on how to write essays better and don't forget Physics too! Transistor! You have to revisit that chapter as soon as possible! Arghhhhhhhhh.

: 21st October 2015.

: 11.34 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I went to the clinic a few days ago

and the doctor told me my blood pressure was so low.

That explains the fatigue and the mild headache

I have been experiencing since last two weeks.

From EC6 to Student Village to two different states.

Because I Miss You [Jung Yonghwa] 

Dear my ex-roommate, my travelling partner and my gossip girl,

Believe it or not, we've known each other for almost 8 years now. We started our friendship as roommates, then as close friends, and over the years, we are more like a family. 

In every relationship, there are bounds to be ups and downs and we've been through all that. I admit that there were times when I was difficult to understand, times when I was being an annoying human being in that small room we shared back in the teaching college, times when I was suddenly being so distant, times when I was being such a spoiled baby and times when I was being so careless with my words. However, despite all that, you never fail to be such an amazing friend to me. 

I still remember the beginning of our friendship. We both were so different from each other. It was not easy to accommodate and cater the differences we had; you need to sleep with the light on while I can only sleep in total darkness, you tend to do assignments earlier while I am a last minute fighter, you tend to sleep early while I always sleep late and the list goes on and on. The differences that we had at that time can make us grow apart, but instead, by trying to understand and cater each and every difference that we had, we have grown closer day by day. And over time, we learn that we both are different but similar in so many ways.

It is a lie if we say that we never had a misunderstanding. We did, but thankfully, we somehow tried our best to communicate with each other. Communication is definitely important. I never like to say what I really think, but growing up with you, I learn to say what I have in mind. It was not easy for me to put into words all the thoughts I had at the beginning of our friendship, but over time, I can share a lot of things with you even without you asking about it. The words just come out when I am with you. It shows how comfortable I am with you. That is why we can stay up all night talking about all the random things that come into our minds. I miss doing that with you. You know, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. I hope you miss it too, just like I do.

I might never show or tell you directly but your presence in my life means a lot to me. It gives me real courage when I know you are there with me. Though we are now separated by distance and work commitments, I still hold you dear in my thoughts. And there were times, especially when I heard certain words being said by others or when I listened to songs that we used to listen together, you just popped into my mind. 

I could never thank you enough for all the support and love that you have given me throughout our friendship. Thank you for always being there for me especially when I need you the most. And sometimes, even without me having to reach for you, you are already there with a big warm hug. Tell you what, you are among those friends who can actually decipher the meaning behind every facial expression I make and every word I say. You know, with just one sentence and one type of laugh, you can definitely know whether I am being serious or I am joking. Oh, my students and even my colleagues can't differentiate between those two. It's so frustrating sometimes. 

Dear you, in case people haven't told you this, you are a beautiful person; inside out. You and your kind heart, that is what makes people so drawn to you. You are so pure and that is why some people take you for granted. But my dear, even if people might be harsh to you and the whole world might put you through such a difficult time, please continue being the kind you. Those people might not be able to appreciate you, but Allah knows and He will definitely reward you with better things in life. 

I might not be able to be there with you to lend my shoulder and shed your tears during your difficult times, but whatever brings you down, whatever makes you cry, whatever makes you hurt, I promise you, my prayers will always be there. In case I haven't told you this, remember, pain ends, but my love and support will never end. So, on this special day of yours, may you have all the happiness you deserve. And may Allah will always shower you with abundance of blessings in life.

Do you still remember this moment?

"One of the greatest gifts of God:

The people in our lives,

who accept,

and love,

the whole us-

not just the parts that glimmer."

: 13th October 2015.

: 11.59 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I have this habit where I will wish people Happy Birthday
a few minutes before the day ends.

Is it a bad habit? Should I change it?

Of that sparkly hideous looking blue jacket.

That Man [Secret Garden OST]

"The tears of a sinner is more beloved 

to Allah

than the

arrogance of a righteous man."

..................

Some of you might wondering how on earth I actually have time to watch all sorts of drama series when I am actually working as a secondary school English (and Physics apparently) teacher. Some of you also might find how ironic it is for me to spend so much time watching drama series now (when I am supposed to be busier working) instead of when I was a student; having the time of my life in the U.K once upon a time. Oh well, don't feel bad wondering about that because I myself am wondering how and why this is happening. But, never mind. This will not come out in any exam or interview, so let's just leave it like that, okay?

After finished watching Hana Yori Dango last week, I had this weird feeling of emptiness in my heart. Thinking that it has something to do with the lack of love that I have been feeling since last month (thanks to the amount of stress in teaching exam classes and attending post-mortem meetings), I urged myself to find another mushy drama series (urgh I can't believe I am in need of watching romantic drama series). It took me two days to figure out which drama series I should properly watch as a reward after a long day at school. I was torn between re-watching BIG (with my Gong Yoo in it of course) and watching Secret Garden. 

Secret Garden was a hit when I was in the U.K and I still remember how almost all my friends went crazy over the coffee foam kiss (oopppsss). However, to tell you the truth, I didn't even finish watching the drama. At that time, I only managed to watch until the 2nd episode and until now, I don't even know the exact story line of the drama. But surprisingly, I know the OST of the drama so well to the point that I can even sing it. Weird, right? But yes I admit, I am a weird person. So, after some thoughts, I decided to watch Secret Garden just to put an end to this unfinished business. Gong Yoo can wait. 

So, how do I find the drama so far? It is too mushy oh goshhh it makes me cringe when I think of certain dialogues and scenes ohhhhhh. I guess the reason why I didn't continue watching it years ago is because of the mushiness which makes both my fingers and toes curl ooohhhhhhhh. Oh well, years ago, I was not a fan of sweet mushy cliche type of drama but look at me now. People change and so does my preference ahhahahha. So now, I am watching Secret Garden with a new perspective. I might not like the drama a few years ago, but now, I find the drama interesting and it sure leaves an impression to me as an audience.

As I am writing this, I have come to an understanding of why this drama series was a hit back then. It is a pity that I wasn't able to enjoy this drama with my friends at that time because if I did enjoy it, I would be able to go gaga with them in the class while waiting for our lecturer to come in. To be honest with you, watching Secret Garden makes me miss them so much to the point that I feel that after typing this, when I wake up in the morning tomorrow, I will sit in the class and gossip with my friends over the cringing dialogues by Hyun Bin. However, like what Hyun Bin said in the drama, this is just my imagination. 

I miss sharing thoughts (and obsession) over drama series with my dear friends. However, the time to do that has long gone. Now is not the time to obsess over handsome actors and sweet romantic drama series anymore. Now is the time to fully step into reality; where responsibility lies in every action that we take. 

However, my dear friends, when reality hits you hard, don't be too hard on yourself. You can steal a bit of time to do things that you personally enjoy; like what I have been doing these days-- watching drama series.

And before I forget, salam Maal Hijrah. Let's be a better person; not just for every new year, but every day.

....................

"Make yourself a priority 

once in a while.

It's not selfish.

It's necessary."

: 13th October 2015.

: 11.00 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Olmanaaa olmanaaaaaaaaaa~

Everything was screaming: the sea, the wind, my heart.

Eat [Zion T]

"It's funny how a tornado never understands the damage it has caused.

Aren't we all just tornadoes?"

.........................

"I am figuring out which parts of my personality are mine and which ones I created to please you." 

[Lora Mathis, The Dust On This Poem Could Choke You]

.....................

"Dear Allah, if I lose hope today, please remind me that your plans are better than my dreams."

....................

Confidence is not "they will like me".

Confidence is "I'll be fine if they don't."

: 7th October 2015.

: 11.00 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Someone said something to me

and it still hurts, even until now.

"We are the people of Saturn", said Domyouji.

"Anytime you're gonna grow, you're gonna lose something. You're losing what you're hanging onto to keep safe. You're losing habits that you're comfortable with, you're losing familiarity."

-James Hillman

..................

My Jdorama feels is back, peeps. For the past three days I have been watching an old Jdorama (Japanese drama) series, no matter how busy I was (and I still am at the moment). I don't know why but I just feel like revisiting the plot of Hana Yori Dango, the Japanese version of Boys Over Flower (BOF). Of course you all know that Hana Yori Dango and its Japanese, Korean (Boys Over Flower), and Taiwanese (Meteor Garden-- ohhh Dao Ming Si!) adaptions are all based on the manga by the same name by Yoko Kamio. It became super popular and regarded as one of the classic series in most Kdrama addicts' hearts, even after all these years.  

And, as most of you would probably know by now how the Korean version of BOF has such a special place in my heart-- thanks to the second pairing that I love the most; Yi Jung and Ga Eul, ironically, I never liked the main leads of the Korean version. Sorry, Gu Jun Pyo. I just don't find you and the heroine lovable enough to put in my list of favourite pairings. 

Instead, I find myself falling in love with the main leads in Hana Yori Dango. The chemistry between Matsumoto Jun (Tsukasa Domyouji) and Inoue Mao (Makino Tsukushi) was apparent; I felt like they are a real couple, unlike the Korean version. Jun was so amazing in this drama, he's truly the perfect actor for Domyouji and oh, he is the reason I am laughing throughout this drama. His quirkiness, his language mistakes and his attitude; all those made him lovable (even though actually I never find him cute or handsome in other drama series). And for the heroine, I like this version best of Makino, she’s sweet, powerful, and stubborn at times, but she’s the one that resembles the original manga Makino the most. For me, Inoue Mao was perfect as Makino. Throughout the two seasons of this drama, we see her change a lot; in a good way. She starts off as somehow uncaring person, and ends up defending her love and her right to choose the way she lives. In comparison to the Korean version, I could see how she hated Domyouji at the beginning of the drama and ended up falling in love with Domyouji as the plot progresses. Even I, as the audience, ended up falling in love with this Makino and rooted for her and Domyouji (no matter how I actually love Oguri Shun who acted as Hanazawa Rui, the second hero in the drama). See, this is the power of love, people, the power of love! Ahhahaha.

Oh well, after this I am going to watch Hana Yori Dango movie to end this infatuation. The sooner I watch, the better. Or else, I might be spazzing over these two dorks for quite some time. I don't want that. My students are struggling for their upcoming exams.  I need to get in touch with reality as soon as possible.

: 3rd October 2015.

: 7.45 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I heard Matsumoto Jun and Inoue Mao have been dating for 9 years now.

If it's true, I wish them happiness.

If not, I still have them as a happy couple in Hana Yori Dango.