Where to begin?

Hurm...where to begin? It has been quite some time since I last wrote anything here. Not writing anything implies either two things; too busy to write anything or too many things to write. 

December has been quite a busy month for me. Weddings, meeting up with friends, watching movies with siblings, doing household shopping with family and even spending some me-time had gotten me so caught up in so many things which left me with lesser time to sit down and write.

I guess I can start by writing what comes to my mind regardless the sequence of events then. Well, here I go:

1. Watching movies at midnight with my siblings has become one of the activities that I look forward to. 
2. In this month alone, my siblings and I had watched four movies together; Big Heroes 6, The Mockingjay Part 1, The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies and Manisnya Cinta di Capadoccia. 
3. I feel kinda sad knowing that The Hobbit trilogy has come to an end. J.R.R Tolkien is such a great writer and Peter Jackson is such a great director. Thank you for bringing this awesome story into my life.
4. I have spent more than I should this month. Thanks to my siblings who always in need of something related to school (insert sarcasm here).
5. Most of my friends are married this month. On average, I have to attend at least two weddings at two different places on the same day. Just imagine how late I was for the second wedding. 
6. Sometimes, whatsapp can be sooooooo disturbing. You know, especially when people keep pestering us to do things or ask us about things that we don't know the answer to or feel like answering. Please, give me some space. Or maybe you can ask somebody else?
7. I never like to do house chores and this time, since I am at home, I have to do all of that (most of that) and I have to cook for lunch and dinner too (sometimes)! Arghhhh!
8. The busiest time of the day for me is before and after lunch. Please don't contact me around that time cos I won't be able to entertain you. Yeah, you, dear insurance agent or whoever you are.
9. My family and I are the type of people who don't really plan ahead. That is why I don't really have plans most of the time. I will just go with the flow. Sorry for the inconvenience caused.
10. One of my friends said this to me; "Sometimes, no plan is a good plan." I can totally relate to that as for one of my friends' wedding, I managed to meet up with two dear friends that I never expected to see. Thanks to the last minute decision I took ahhahhaha (konon).
11. I had surpassed my own record for driving long hours. This time I drove from 3 p.m until 4 a.m the next day. Such a long, tiring journey it was.
12. One thing I hate about driving at night is the high beam that the other (irresponsible) drivers tend to use. Highway pun nak guna high beam ke gilo betul.
13. Two of my dear friends whom I hold close to my heart are already married. I kinda feel sad though I am truly happy seeing them happy. It feels different now. I don't know how to explain this.
14. I have been watching a cute couple for a couple of episodes now. Such cutie pies.
15. I forgot to mention that I finally have a new handphone yeeeehuuuuuu alhamdulillah.
16. Bringing my friends travel around Penang island is not a piece of cake. As a Penangite, I am ashamed of myself. Ada ke sesat kat negeri sendiri cehh buat malu je.
17. Do you know how Penangites drive? Yeah, the adverb is crazily. They drive crazily. Just like me.
18. Miss Pudding Caramel oopps sorry, Mrs Pudding Caramel's food during her wedding is awesome. Soooo nogori. My dad loves daging salai masak lomak and my mom loves pulut tapai there. Me? I love the eggs. Telur pindang kot nama dia. Sodap bonar.
19. There are two types of newly weds; those who sincerely entertain and thank people who come to their wedding and those who are just so eager of taking photos with their spouse. Orang datang kenduri kot, at least datanglah tegur dan cakap thanks sebab datang. Oh please scold me if I ignore you guys during my wedding.
20. Despite the happiness of holidays, movies and weddings, there are also unfortunate people who face calamities and tragedies in their lives. Please pray for those affected from the flood and the missing planes. And also those who face problems that they can't share with others. They need prayers from all of us.

.......................................

Be strong, dear you.

You know who you are.

And you know how I am willing to help 

though I am not capable enough to lift it all from you.

May Allah help you, strong beautiful soul (s).

: 29th December 2014.

: 9.45 p.m.

: Penang, Malaysia.

: Fatigue and lack of sleep made me cranky. 

Sorry to those who got caught in the whirlwind.

Rainy days = Quality sleep.

Other Side of the World [Kt Tunstal]

.......................

Perhaps the most important thing we bring to another person is the silence in us, not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal. The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of rest, of acceptance of someone as they are. We are all hungry for this other silence. It is hard to find. In its presence we can remember something beyond the moment, a strength on which to build a life. Silence is a place of great power and healing.

........................

Don't wait for anybody to complete you.

: 15th November 2014.

: 11.15 a.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: A funny person left an impression on a rainy day. 

See, now I'm smiling.

My book crush 1: Peeta Mellark.

Across the Universe [Fiona Apple]

“You're still trying to protect me. Real or not real," he whispers. 

"Real," I answer. "Because that's what you and I do, protect each other.”  

― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

..................

“That what I need to survive is not Gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that.” 

So after, when he whispers, "You love me. Real or not real?" I tell him "Real.” 

― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

.........................

I have been reading The Hunger Games trilogy these past few days. Actually, I have read errrrrr like a third of the first book; Hunger Games loooonggg time ago but since work and other things had me preoccupied, I forgot to continue reading the book.

After I suddenly remembered about Peeta Mellark last Thursday (oh well, I don't know why my brain suddenly thought about Peeta Mellark), I decided to spend my free time (yeah, free la sangat kan), reading the book. Oh my, after I finished reading both Hunger Games and Catching Fire, I think I have a crush on Peeta Mellark more than any other fictional characters that I have read so far. This is bad. This is bad.

: 8th November 2014.

: 8.35 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: My housemate has finally got her 'baby'~

His name is Alex James Wilson. He he he.

Can't wait to see the baby.

Windy Wednesday.

Follow Through

taken from tumblr

....................

There was something about the wind today that made my eyes teary.

: 5th November 2014.

: 9.10 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Sometimes people can be too much.

And most of the time, they don't even care.

My heart shattered into pieces today.

Iman adalah mutiara, di dalam hati manusia

........................

“The first step to loving yourself

begins with the words,

‘I matter.’ 

You deserve to occupy space.

You deserve to stand up for yourself

and claim your right to happiness.

You deserve to be here,

just as much as

anyone else.” 

— Tina Tran, Self care 

: 2nd November 2014.

: 4.00 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: A teacher announced to the whole staff room that I didn't conduct the English camp

while I was actually photocopying things for the students in the office.

I didn't know about that and entered the class as planned. I even saw her passed by my class.

But later, when I knew about what she did earlier, my heart shattered into pieces.

I did conduct the class and she saw me. How could she?

And how would she be able to undo what others think of me, after this?

A disturbing read.

The truth is you're, you're gone.

A woman who is a victim of domestic violence called 911 for help but was unable to directly discuss of what was happening to her so she used a code-like conversation by starting to order a pizza. 

Fortunately, the dispatcher did not take her call lightly, instead he became intuitive and analyzed her situation very carefully. 

Read the transcript of the conversation between the victim and the dispatcher and noticed how well their thoughts were connected to each other. 

"911, where is your emergency?" 

"123 Main St." 

"Ok, what's going on there?" 

"I'd like to order a pizza for delivery." (oh great, another prank call). 

"Ma'am, you've reached 911" 

"Yeah, I know. Can I have a large with half pepperoni, half mushroom and peppers?" 

"Ummm…. I'm sorry, you know you've called 911 right?" 

"Yeah, do you know how long it will be?" 

"Ok, Ma'am, is everything ok over there? do you have an emergency?" 

"Yes, I do." 

"..And you can't talk about it because there's someone in the room with you?" (moment of realization) 

"Yes, that's correct. Do you know how long it will be?" 

"I have an officer about a mile from your location. Are there any weapons in your house?" 

"Nope." 

"Can you stay on the phone with me?" 

"Nope. See you soon, thanks"

According to the dispatcher, he checked the history of the address given by the lady and found out that there were records of multiple domestic violence from the previous calls. 

Finally, the officer arrived at the house and immediately saw the lady in bad shape with her drunk boyfriend. Her partner was arrested for beating her. 

The dispatcher said that she was intelligent to pull that kind of trick and that emergency call is the most memorable one for him. 

Source: Story shared from Reddit. 

...........................

I seldom read articles liked by my friends on Facebook, however, the above article caught my eyes. Domestic violence may perceived as something common and not-so-shocking nowadays, however, the above case shows something more than any other ordinary domestic violence case. If you read carefully to the conversation, you might think, "Oh, she's so clever to be able to 'code' her emergency situation and get help from her code-like conversation."

However, for me, as I read it, I find that it is disturbing to see that how she is trying so hard to reach out for help but she just couldn't say it out loud. She was probably in pain and misery for quite some time, who knows, maybe one year, two years or even ten years? And throughout those years, how many times she had probably tried her best to reach out for help but no one, no one was able to decipher the code that she was giving, thinking that she was probably just engaging in a normal, ordinary conversation. Thinking that she was probably an ordinary woman with ordinary life. 

But the truth is, she was not an ordinary woman leading an ordinary life. She was stuck in a hell-worse situation ever (pardon me for my language, I just can't stop myself from using it in this case) and she couldn't get herself out from it without the help from others. She was one of those people who even though in suffering, chose to wait and desperately hoped that one day, other people would notice and lend her their hands.This is just one case, how about other people who are just like her? Where are they? How long have they been waiting for us to notice?

This is in fact so disturbing to me. I just can't help feeling helpless and angry reading cases like this. It pains me to see how people are tortured because of the wrong relationship they are in. Domestic violence is disturbing. How can people stand through it because of love? If someone you love hurts you, it is not love. And if you love someone, you do not hurt that person. 

Because to me, to love is to protect. That includes protecting the ones you love from your own evil.

: 31st October 2014.

: 2.10 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: The poem of the day: I Got Flowers Today.

So what is your verse?

Born to die [Lana Del Rey]

[Mr Keating, Dead Poets Society]

.....................

This week, even though there was no Sunday blues (read: Awal Muharram holiday), I personally felt that entering classes was a bit more daunting than I expected it to be. Oh well, I think I sort of forgot the saying; 'expect the unexpected', especially when it is related to teaching. 

It might be the unexpected temperature of the day too as it was getting way hotter even as early as 11.00 a.m. And it might be the stress and pressure for the upcoming SPM examination. Or it might also be the longing for holidays that I constantly have every single day in my teaching life. Or it might be all of those.

Oh, what an exhausting and mentally drained week. One more day to go.

.....................

Self Talk for Decreasing Anger:

1. As long as I keep my cool, I am in control of myself.
2. My anger is a signal. It is time to talk to myself and relax.
3. Nothing says I have to be competent and strong all the time. It's okay to feel unsure or confused.
4. If people criticise me, I can survive that. Nothing says I have to be perfect.
5. It's impossible to control other people and situations. The only thing I can control is myself and how I express my feelings.
6. It's okay to be uncertain and insecure sometimes. I don't need to be in control of everything and everybody.
7. If the person wants to go off the wall, that's their thing. I don't need to respond to their anger or feel threatened.
8. It's nice to have people's love and approval, but even without it, I can still accept and like myself.
9. People are going to act the way they want to, not the way I want them to.
10. I feel angry, that must mean 'I have been hurt, scared or have some other threatening feelings underneath the anger.'

: 29th October 2014.

: 9.50 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I am getting a bit sensitive these days. I don't know why.

Take me to your loving arms.

Maybe we found love right where we are

“When trouble strikes, head to the library. You will either be able to solve the problem, or simply have something to read as the world crashes down around you.” 

- Lemony Snicket

..................

“Are you ready?" Klaus asked finally.
"No," Sunny answered.
"Me neither," Violet said, "but if we wait until we're ready we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives, Let's go.”  

― Lemony Snicket, The Ersatz Elevator

...................

When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades
And the crowds don't remember my name
When my hands don't play the strings the same way
I know you will still love me the same 

'Cause honey your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen
And, baby, your smile's forever in my mind and memory
I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe it's all part of a plan
Well, I'll just keep on making the same mistakes
Hoping that you'll understand

-Ed Sheeran, Thinking Out Loud

..................

: 28th October 2014.

: 11.20 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I am officially a library teacher now yeaaahhhh.

And thanks to my two friends who are also library teachers,

whatsapping with them makes me feel better and more relaxed.

Intriguingly addictive.

Welcome to the Hotel California, such a lovely place

.................

There was something extremely wrong with my phone and the line, of course. I seriously in need of a new handphone. A new well-functioned handphone. Is there anyone who is willing enough to buy me one?

................

Here I am again; writing and reading stories online. Oh, reading is sooooo intriguingly addictive. Reading is my drug. Errr...drug maybe a little bit too extreme. What I really mean is; reading is my therapy. He he he he.

: 18th October 2014.

: 12.00 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: My housemate's students are way beyond cute.

I mean, the way they behave with teachers around.

If you ask me, I still have him in my heart.

Because I miss you [Jung Yonghwa]

Hey boy.

You got me at that stare.

....................

Fill your bowl to the brim,

And it will spill. 

Keep sharpening your knife, 

And it will blunt.

Chase after money and security,

And your heart will never unclench.

Care about people’s approval, 

And you will be their prisoner.

Do your work, then step back.

The only path to serenity.

- Tao Te Ching

................

: 14th October 2014.

: 10.00 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I have been watching my mismatched eyes again.

I just noticed how he looked so young and unsure about everything years ago.

The mismatched eyes that I know now is nowhere near that anymore.

See how he looked so professional hugging girls? Can you hug me too? *gedik betul

Rude.

November Rain [David Garrett]

My heart is so small

it’s almost invisible.

How can You place

such big sorrows in it?

“Look,” He answered,

“your eyes are even smaller,

yet they behold the world.

........................

But time is like the ocean,

you can only hold a little in your hands.

........................

Hey you.

Where do you think you are going? 

Running away from all this mess?

If yes, please take me too.

Pretty please.

: 12th October 2014.

: 10.59 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: One teacher cried. And a few more. In their hearts.

And here I am, suddenly thinking of the old times.

How is my mismatched eyes, I wonder. I hope you are doing fine.

How many countries are there?

La Vida Sin Amor

.......................

I envy those who found love at first sight. You know. It's like they met each other coincidently, let's say in a cafe, and they struck a conversation and kept in touch and tadaaaaaa~ after some time, despite all odds, they realised they fall in love with each other. Oh my. It is soooo enviable. 

I guess, love is indeed a mystery. What more in the manner of falling in love.

: 6th September 2014.

: 09.00 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: All of the sudden, I wonder how many countries are there in this world?

What makes them independent? And what languages they use?

No matter how bad something or someone is, have faith.

Cos my love is all I have to give

"If you want to strengthen your faith, you will need to soften inside. For your faith to be rock solid, your heart needs to be as soft as a feather. Through an illness, accident, loss or fright, one way or another, we are all faced with incidents that teach us how to become less selfish and judgmental and more compassionate and generous. Yet some of us learn the lesson and manage to become milder, while some others end up becoming even harsher than before."

 -- Shams Tabrizi

.........................

: 30th September 2014.

: 8.40 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Today, I went for a course on professionalism and filing system.

As I reached home, my housemate said I have to go for another course tomorrow.

She told me that I was 'fired' from being the secretary of LDP

and instead I have another post now. Ahhaha. Fired. Isn't it funny?

Okay, that explains the course that I have to attend tomorrow. Oh well, I'm learning.

What does being cute has to do with me?

Chandelier

A teacher said this to me,

"Dear, you are so cute. You must have someone right?

So when can I eat your nasi minyak?"

My response,

"Errrr e he he he he."

That's why I don't know how to respond to the cute comment.

In fact, I am far from cute.

And no, I don't have that someone....

yet.

.............

The feeling of having a nap after six periods of teaching. Oh man, it was soooooooo refreshing. Well, minus the heat, the nap was marvellous. Beyond marvellous. 

: 29th September 2014.

: 11.32 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I just uploaded a few photos in my alter ego facebook account.

In other words, my teacher account. Restricted to students only ahhaha.

Maintain your cool, man.

Don't say you love me, you don't even know me

This is me when my students asked stupid questions 

or talked back when I asked them to do something.

.........................

"If you can't explain it to a six-year-old,

you don't understand it yourself."

[Albert Einstein]

.........................

Everyone talks about leaving the planet a better place for our kids.

We should also leave better kids for our planet.

: 28th September 2014.

: 9.03 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: One of our beloved lecturers came to our humble place today.

Of subpoena and movie quotes.

The green back boogie

Hurm, it's not easy to be mentally strong.

Oh well, not easy means we can learn it bit by bit, can't we?

..........................

Make a person fall in love with themselves and they’ll fall in love with you.

: 27th September 2014.

: 11.00 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Today, the naughty students whom another teacher had a dislike at,

indirectly taught me a few interesting things in life.

They made me google at protein intake and eye infection.

I know. Random.

Move along, move along.

When your hope is gone, move along move along

"You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it to you."

Don't look at me like that, Mr Specter.

......................

Be picky with who you invest your time in. 

Wasted time is worse than wasted money.

.....................

"Indeed, my Lord is the Hearer of supplication."

[14:39]

: 26th September 2014.

: 10.10 a.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Approaching the end of Season 2 now. Oh man, this is too soon.

Maybe I should stop and distract myself with another drama?

Ohh, guys in suits.

Welcome to the Hotel California

You might be wondering what am I up to, seeing me not on Facebook and not on Twitter or any other social network like always. Oh yeah, I've been wondering myself too. What am I doing? What is the thing that make me sooooo preoccupied offline? 

Let me tell you what is the thing, or rather who is that person.

Introducing you.....tadaaaaaa....

Oh, guys in suits. Hotness. Harvey Specter? Oh, even the word hotness can't describe him. 

Thanks to one of my secondary school friends. She is the one who got me into him. Cheeky girl. You knew my taste sooo well. Ahhaha. I think we both have the same taste in men. Urmm but not all. Some, maybe. Hehehe.

...................

I can't wait for the upcoming school holidays which will due in less than two weeks now. 

Yehuuuu yabedabeduuuuuu.

: 22nd September 2014.

: 10.50 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: How can a middle age man look soooo dashing? Life begins at forty, huh?

I've always wanted to go to Neverland.

Let me take you there

Finding Neverland [2004]

....................

One of my favourite childhood stories is Peter Pan. I love to read the book (you know the thin book for kids) and I used to dream of being a kid forever. I even talked about J.M Barrie's Peter Pan for my five-minutes talk when I was in Form 3. I still remember how I looked forward to its movie. Ironically, until now, I haven't seen the movie. You know, the year 2003 movie of Peter Pan? Yeah, that one. Does anybody have it? 

Oh, I still remember the movie's tagline:

"Imagine a world like nothing you've ever seen."

Someone, take me to Neverland please. I don't want to grow up and stuck in adults' world; too many dilemma, conflicts and prejudice. Urghhh, it is too tiring to be honest with. Why are adults like this? Why so serious? Can't they be more relaxed, tolerant and giving? Where does the child in them go? No child is born racist. Oh, what is happening to humanity nowadays?

Cakap macam kecik lagi tuh, padahal dah suku abad sudah.  

..................

: 11th September 2014.

: 10.40 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I am alone in this house because I have an English camp with SPM students tomorrow.

I hope SPM won't be like UPSR this year. A mess I tell you, it's a big mess.

"I've never wanted more, until I met you."

“Appearance can be deceptive,'' he says quietly. "I'm anything but fine. I feel like the sun has set and not risen for five days, Ana. I'm in perpetual night here.” 

................

Hey, handsome.

................

Today was the first day, as the secretary of LDP, I opened the website and filled in the courses that the school had conducted since the beginning of the year. I have more to fill in later. 

And more to do. You name it.

PBS files, PPGB file, students' warning letters, MC text, lesson planning 

and ohhh, decorate the PPDa room!

What an interesting life as a novice teacher.

Care to join me?

Better not.

: 9th September 2014.

: 08.54 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: It was rather odd for me to keep thinking that today is Wednesday.

I guess I can't wait to go home on Friday, that's why.

My definition of hot guys?

Baby now and forever, until the time is through

This is random I know but I am getting bored marking my students' exam papers. So, to keep me refreshed and energised (feeling giddy giddy ahhaha over betul), here...let me tell you my definition of hot guys (though in real life I won't be able to have one for myself, wuwuuuwuu life is cruel).

My definition of hot guys:

1) Guys who exercise and keep their (hot) body fit.

Please take me with you for jogging!

2) Guys in suits. *swooooon* 

Don't you dare look at me with that piercing hot gaze in that hot suits. And drop that phone!

3) Guys who take a good care of their kids and pet.

A loving, responsible man is a real man. 

Awww, please take me too! But can you leave the dog somewhere else? *puppy eyes

and....last but not least...

4) Guys who pray and never once forget to do so.

:)

.....................

A girl can dream, right?

;)

: 6th September 2014.

: 03.50 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Hihihi. Now I can continue marking! :p

Curiosity kills the cat, they said.

...................

I think all of us are a walking mass of contradictions.

Especially women.

Hey, me too can't understand myself.

What more to understand them.

: 5th September 2014.

: 02.43 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I've just finished reading a book that sparks curiosity in me.

And I am about to reading the second book of the same title.

Oh yeah, trilogy.

I miss you 200%? No, I miss us 300%.

Oh Tuhan, jaga dia untukku

..................

Someone once asked me, "How can we laugh when we are unhappy?"

I still remember how I just smiled and said, "We deserve to laugh, even in dark days."

..................

One of my friends is crazy about a Malay drama series which currently aired on TV. She made me want to watch it too, out of curiosity. 

And oh, Zill Faezrul is wayyy too good to be true. No, no, no. There is no guy like that in real life. Drama nih semua dramaaaaa! *tak puas hati*

: 3rd September 2014.

: 3.05 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: How can arranged marriage in drama look soooo sweet and happy?

Keep calm and show 'em who's the boss.

Written on these walls are the colours that I can't change

Leave my heart open but it stays right here in its cage

I know that in the morning now I see us in the light upon a hill

Although I am broken, my heart is untamed, still

...................

Today, I had an English lesson; two periods with one of my Form 4 classes. I have been planning the lesson since last night as I wanted to finish my ULBS with the students. ULBS is a speaking assessment that a student must go through a few times in a year. I planned to get them think about healthy skin and ways to achieve it as the set induction. As they already familiar with the topic, I thought that after that I can give them a text about skin and while they are reading, I can call a few students to my desk to do the ULBS. See, at least other students will have something to focus on while I do my ULBS. Therefore, I was more than confident that I would be able to finish the ULBS by today. However, there are times in life when things will not go as what we have planned. And yeah, one of the times in my life was today. I repeat, today.

In between the set induction and the next stage of my lesson, I decided to walk around the class and ask their understanding of the topic while passing out the text to each student. As I asked around, I noticed that one female student looked so pale and dazed out.

As I gave the text to the student next to her, I asked her, "Dear, are you okay? You look pale. Are you sick? Do you want to go to the sick bay?" 

She then just looked at me and said nothing. Literally nothing. Okay. Whatever.

So, I just shrugged my shoulder and moved to another table to give out the text. I then told them to read while I called for a student to come to my desk and do the ULBS with me. Taking out all the sheets and materials needed, I then called a name. The student with a shy smile came and sat. So, I began the ULBS by asking her about how does she feel today, what did she do last night and as I was about to ask her to elaborate on her points, suddenly a student screamed.

"Teacher! Someone fainted!"

OMG. Someone just fainted. That someone was the student whom I just asked about her well-being. She fainted. In my class. Fainted. In. My. Class. During. My. Lessonnnnnnnnnn.

I was so grateful to the Almighty for blessing me with the calm demeanour that I practically able to put on in this type of situation. I was so shocked beyond words in the inside but on the outside, I kept a straight face and asked all the boys to stand back a few metres away from her. After that, I instructed a few girls to help lying her on the combined chairs. I then asked the girls to take off her shoes and socks and told them to fan her. A student tried to sprinkle water on her face while the other one massaged her head and hand. The situation went a bit out of control as more than half of the class tried to get closer to the scene and look at what was happening. I had to shoo them away and forced them to continue reading the text and respect the fainted girl by not stealing the oxygen and the space that she needed at that time. Urgh, I too needed space at that time. Shoo shoo.

I tried to call the teachers who were on duty but I could not reach them. I then tried to call other teachers but man, of all times, my handphone decided to fail me. One of the boys then asked my permission to call the teacher next door and before I could say anything, he shouted for the teacher to come to my class. And, thanks to that, four more teachers came to the rescue.

Two teachers volunteered to send her home and there I was, with all the sweat and mess, went into the class and continued to teach. I had twenty more minutes before the two periods lesson ended, so yeah. Back to the lesson, kids!

What an interesting day, right? Oh, I forgot to add 'tiring'. Yeahhhhhh.

......................

Keep calm and control the class like a boss.

: 2nd September 2014.

: 9.10 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I am in need of a new handphone.

Progress is still progress no matter how small.

Just a smile and the rain is gone

"Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pyjamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions."

-Susan Cain

.......................

Three days ago, I dreamt of a beautiful, serene place. The clear blue sky with cute patterns of clouds. I could hear the sound of waves splashing and the birds chirping. It was so peaceful and the sun didn't even burn my skin. I was sitting under the coconut tree with a book in my hand. Oh, what a heavenly feeling. 

I was about to grab the coconut drink besides me when out of the blue, I heard Jason Mraz singing. Ehh, Jason Mraz was there in my dream? Really? And suddenly, a realisation hit me. It was my alarm. When I opened my eyes, my heart sank looking at where I was. I felt so gloomy. The heavenly feeling was gone. Gone with the wind. It was tiring and annoying to feel gloomy and blue, therefore I decided to change the layout of my small, vampire-like room. And here I am, feeling not-so-gloomy even though it is raining and I can hear thunders, instead of bird chirping happily at this very moment.

Let's learn to be grateful. At least my fan is working now. It was disastrous to have a not-functioning-so-well fan especially on a hot, sunny day. Oh, tell me about it.

......................

It was soooo da** tiring today. I had seven periods of teaching and I was sooo exhausted until I can't even have my afternoon nap. That explains why I am watching 'The Pursuit of Happyness' instead. Oh well. 

: 1st September 2014.

: 06.15 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: My head is hurting. Oh, so does my heart. 

Let every unfortunate event become a lesson to me, you and us.

As long as you love me, I'll be your platinum

...................

I am a person who has a lot of weaknesses.

Most people can't see that.

1) I wake up late. I love to sleep in, especially after Fajr prayer.

2) I am lazy, I love to procrastinate things.

3) I am pure lazy, I love to not doing anything except waiting 

(you know which context I am referring to).

4) I don't like to cook for fun. I only cook for living; for staying alive.

5) I don't like to bake things; cakes, cupcakes, any desserts...just name it. 

6) I am not friendly, in fact I tend to keep conversation short if I am not that close with someone.

7) I don't sweet talk, so if I praise people, I will keep it brief and simple.

8) I am not good with young kids. Oh, with teenagers too.

9) In fact, I am not good in talking to guys. Awkward.

10) I love to eat, but recently I become a picky eater. 

However, I believe it is not too late to change for the better slowly (and gracefully hihihi :p ).

Hurm, which one should I fix first?

......................

A good wife material? 

I am sure I am not.

But I am more than eager to find someone who will accept me the way I am.

: 31st August 2014.

: 9.00 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Happy Independence Day, Malaysia.

Let us be independent; free from laziness and ignorance.

This is for when you have dark days.

May It Be 

"I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened."

"So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the ring. In which case, you also were meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought."

[Frodo Baggins and Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings- The Fellowship of The Ring]

.....................

"I can't do this, Sam."

"I know. It's all wrong. By rights, we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you that meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going, because they were holding on to something."

"What are we holding to, Sam?"

"That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it's worth fighting for."

[Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings- The Two Towers]

......................

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life?

How do you go on when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back?

There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold."

[Frodo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings- The Return of The King]

.......................

: 27th August 2014.

: 4.30 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Too many things, so little time.