Mari belajar seni dalam bahasa.

[listening to a recording of Ustaz Hasrizal's Ibrah Surah Kahfi]

“Orang yang tidak pernah dibakar panas mentari,

mustahil menghargai rimbun berteduh - peribahasa Turki.”

― Hasrizal Abdul Jamil, Secangkir Teh Pengubat Letih

..........................

“Islam is not man's ultimate justification to do as he pleases--it is, instead, a religion built on reason and evidence. If each of us asks the ustaz for the causes of his religious opinions, then we should, by doing so, help realise the principles of Islam and thus improve intellectual discussion in our own community.” 

― Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin, Islam in Malaysia: Perceptions & Facts

............................

The language of Quran is Arabic.

It is through learning Arabic that will make the reading of Quran

easier and more understandable to us.

Let's learn Arabic.
And let's learn the art in language :)

: 23rd May 2014.

: 4.10 p.m.

: Kelantan, Malaysia.

: I miss learning Arabic at school.
But I guess, now, instead of Arabic, I need to learn Kelantanese dialect.
Dop pehe sokmo teacher nih.

In need of more space in my small brain.

Haruskah ku mati kerana mu

"Do you know how elephants are trained for the circus? When these animals are very young, the trainers chain them to the ground. These young and small elephants pull the chain to get themselves away but fail after a few attempts because they are not strong enough to break the chain on the ground. Soon they are convinced that it is impossible for them to get away. This continues until these elephants become adults. They believe that they cannot do it and quit trying. As a result, you see in a circus enormous elephants being held in place tied by just a small chain. The fact is, it's not the chain what keeps the elephants there."

Criminal Minds: Suspect Behaviour, "The Girl in The Blue Mask".

......................

Today I decided to read my dear friend's blog. 

It has been a while and I miss us. 

Thanks for sincerely asking and praying for me here
despite the poor internet and line connection. 

Hope you are doing fine there too. *hugs*

: 21st May 2014.

: 11.49 p.m.

: Kelantan, Malaysia.

: At 11.30 a.m. today, the principal came.

Right there and then, I am officially the secretary for a division 

and I was asked to go for a meeting at 2.00 p.m. later on the same day.

This is getting even more 'interesting' than I expected.
Be grateful dear for the opportunities to learn more. Be grateful.

The day we compared our BIG with theirs.

No air, no air, no air

............................

"dalam merancang, reserve-kan, hal-hal untuk takdir Allah yang tak terduga"

: 18th May 2014.

: 11.56 p.m.

: Kelantan, Malaysia.

: Today, there were so many unexpected things happened to me.

I couldn't find my pendrive, I had to conduct the Listening Test for Form 2,

one of my students ate sandwiches during exam, I lost my exam timetable

and I had to print the cover page for Form 2 English exam paper again.

Despite all that, I am blessed with the presence of my friends here;

spending our time eating Chicken Chop and gossiping together.

Love dose?

Inilah maharku untukmu

I should be sleeping by now, but out of nowhere, I have this sudden urge to go blog-walking (instead of sleep-walking :p ) at this very hour. My dear friend is now sleeping and I hope the sound of my keyboard won't disturb her sleep. However, I need to type this. I need to type something to pour something out from my heart.

With 'Maharku Untukmu' by Alief as the background song for my blog-walking, I came across this amazing blog of my friend which never fails to touch my soul. She wrote something similar to what has been haunting my heart and mind for quite some time:

"hari ini, masih sama. setiap hari adalah hari yang baru. tetapi, suasananya cukup berbeza. entahlah, mungkin saja eksplorasi saya masih sangat kurang, atau saya saja yang masih belum celik dengan dunia yang sebenar-benarnya. untuk seketika, saya rasa 'lost', rasa 'down', membuatkan saya terasa begitu kerdil untuk berdiri di sebelah sesiapa saja. cukup, untuk menghuni di dalam gua sendiri. ataukah saya saja yang kurang percaya diri? ataukah hubungan dengan Allah yang longgar, membuatkan ruang-ruang percaya dan tawakal itu pun turut mengecil? entah."

I am not a strong person, nor a person with a great soul. Most of the times, what I feel is similar to what she had brilliantly put into words. I am officially a teacher now, but how can I teach someone to be a better person if I myself is a person with the feeling of lost, indecisive, not confident and weak? I may be a teacher with smiles and firm rules in my hand but how firm I am to myself? How firm I am with myself?

I keep thinking that this may have something to do with the presence of love in my heart. No, no. Not that kind of love, no. I mean, how can I love my students if I myself don't sincerely love teaching. And how can I love teaching if I don't love my job? And how can I love my job if I myself don't love me? And how can I love myself if I don't love the One who creates me? 

...........................

"jadi, jangan takut sebab Allah sentiasa ada. meski lambat atau perlahan, 
Dia tahu kita sesungguhnya mencuba. 
mencuba dengan membekali diri untuk memberi, 
bukan menerima."

[Umairah, my dear friend with beautiful words and thoughts]

: 17th May 2014.

: 11.58 p.m.

: Kelantan, Malaysia.

: Someone mentioned to me about one thing that I wanted to do

the first time I came home for good from the U.K 

and here I am thinking how can I make it into a reality.

So close yet so far...from home.

Harapan harapan menjadi layu

I just got back from a course on Pendidikan Pencegahan Dadah in Kedah. Weehuuuu, all the way from Kelantan to Kedah okayyy don't play play :p 

I managed to meet one of my dear friends during my secondary school era in Alor Setar. Even though we met like less than two hours, it was worth it. Thanks for coming all the way to see me even though you just finished your work, dear. May Allah ease everything for you.

Sometimes, it is the mindset and mentality that need changes. 

I always love to daydream especially when nobody talks to me. I always have a variety set of daydream with various 'me'.  Oh, well.

What may be a dark day will turn out to be a sunny day...after that.

I passed by a familiar road one more time, which makes me feel welcomed and at the same time, lonely.

I don't know why but I find peace every single time I pass by the vast field of sugar cane plantation in Chuping, Perlis. It feels like passing by the vast green field on my way to Fowey (during my SBE in the U.K).

"You should have someone by now." The same sentence that I kept hearing from the teachers around me. It makes me feel like....errr...I don't know how should I put it into words. I feel like...errrr. 

I am in a rush to settle my exam paper this weekend. It feels like I have no weekend this time. But one good thing is; another weekend to go yeaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

We will be moving to a new house after the school holiday. Now I know how not easy it is to move house. 

I feel like watching a sweet drama series to make my life sweeter. Enough of movies (for the time being).

: 16th May 2014.

: 11.15 p.m.

: Kelantan, Malaysia.

: Happy Teacher's Day for all teachers in schools and teachers in my life :)

Do you ever feel already buried deep?

six feet under screams but no one hears a thing

The root of envy is ignorance of this truth:

With every blessing is a test.

You envy someone for their blessings 

but you don't see their tests.

......................

I have to go for quite a number of courses, workshops and programmes. In other words, I will be out from the school for quite some time. This means I will not enter my classes for a number of times. This also means my students will be missing out quite a lot compared to other students in other classes. 

To tell you the truth, I feel happy (to go out from school) yet sad (to not be able to be there and help my students). Oh gosh, I am already a person with multiple personalities, and now a person with mixed emotions. Oh my oh my. This is confusingly tiring. 

......................

For your information, my major is in Teaching English as Second Language (TESL) but in this school, I am required to teach English, Mathematics and Sivic Education. Oh, not to mention a sprinkle of Islamic Education for a few programmes under counselling sector in the school. I am currently teaching Form 1, Form 2, Form 3 and Form 4 with 24 periods per week excluding a few more additional periods for relief classes. Four different forms with different subjects and topics. 

It is not easy to go through the week as I am not a superhuman but by now, I think I am superb in juggling different subjects and topics in a day (*insert sarcasm here) ahhahahhahahhahaha. 

No, no, no. I know as a new teacher I have to be, you know, flexible and prepared to accept any challenge but hey, I am merely a human being. I am not a superhuman yet learning to be one (over jerrr statement). Or maybe, rather than being a superhuman, I think I need a Batman by my side. You know, a Batman. Hehehehehehe. 

: 11th May 2014.

: 9.25 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I had a bad day at school today.

So bad till I cried in the school toilet.

Dramatic jerrr. Padahal no hal pun caitt. 

If your sky is falling, take my hand and hold it.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

adadjabfjkvwckfhwcavdshfdja

..................

This shall pass, I know.

But please.

Please understand that I need to

argbjbgbwuwghncvug.

...................

And oh yeah, dear friends,

I can't go online like usual.

Please understand me being MIA.

If you miss me that much, you can give me a call instead.

I would be more than glad.

: 8th May 2014.

: 5.50 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: This is getting ridiculous.

Who said it's easy being a teacher?

Who said that? Whoooo?!