Birthday Syndrome?

Tears are no sorrows, but they are the footprints to our dreams.

I am extremely happy and touched for all the kind, sweet, thoughtful and heartwarming wishes by those wonderful people in my life. Thank you girls (and guys), may Allah bless all of you.

It was raining all day yesterday, but the love and kind prayers that dear Irshadians showed during Iftar Jama'ie really warm the cockles of my heart.

Things were a bit upside down yesterday, and to tell you the truth, I was really upset and disappointed to the point that I wished yesterday was not my birthday. That was until my dear friends hugged and gave me a birthday cake. Thank you~

I find that I miss listening to English and Japanese songs these few days, that's why I ended up downloading old English songs and all those anime OST. I really miss the old days.

It's the thought that counts. Really. But if you didn't show me, how would I know you have the thought. I would say that you didn't care at all.

I guess the weather affects me greatly. Or probably I was just too tired. In fact, I am now.

Oh, or maybe, this is just a birthday syndrome? You know, a syndrome where you feel sad and happy at once; which is rather imbalanced, then you have to look at yourself again if a birthday means so much for you in this life. Both melancholy feeling and excitement make you think that your birthday is a special day than any other day. People suffer from that syndrome because they expect too much. Or maybe, they are demanding too much and being ungrateful. Just like me. (-_-")

I am feeling a bit melancholic. Perhaps a video of sushi zanmai deluxe or my dearest mismatched eyes might help. Oh, manga! I forgot about it.

Really, I was so touched for the kind wishes dear friends. Thank you. You guys made my day yesterday. Thanks.

It's not easy being the eldest one among your siblings, what more if you are a girl and you have more brothers than sisters. #foreverdoinghousechores

Friends are a bunch of different individuals. That's why there are some who are better at understanding you, while some are not. So, don't expect that everyone will always understand you and the way you think.

My cats are getting on my nerves now. The little ones always poop everywhere they like and I'm the one who has to clean all that. Urgh. You should be thankful I love you. If not...

To tell you the truth, I love to edit my old posts. For those who've read this blog since beginning, you'll probably notice a few changes every now and then on my posts. Ahha.

By the way, don't be too worried of me. I write this for me. I just want to pour things out. Thanks for the concern anyway. I'll be okay. It's the rain, really. Don't worry, the heavy rain will stop eventually. Besides, after every rain, there will always be a rainbow, isn't it? ehhehe

"Be thankful to Allah SWT for the food on your plate, drink in your glass 
and roof over your head. 

You have more than many people."

: 26th August 2011.
: 26 Ramadhan 1432H.

: 11.57 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: It's raining heavily outside.

My cats' poops are everywhere and I am hungry. *head banging*
Oh, I think I need to watch my dearest mismatched eyes then.

L.O.V.E

I came to know love the moment I found Your love.

"Whatever happens in your life, no matter how troubling things might seem, do not enter the neighbourhood of despair. Even when all doors remained closed, God will open up a new path only for you. Be thankful! It is easy to be thankful when all is well. A Sufi is thankful not only for what he has been given but also for all that he has been denied."

Shaam Tabriz q.s.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaAYQN3kPdc&feature=player_embedded#!

: 23rd August 2011.

: 23 Ramadhan 1432H.

: 11.06 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: Thank you Miss Kang, you know what, your post really touches my heart.

Uljima dear! For me, you are the best! Really.You know I don't praise people unless I really mean it.
See how much those experiences have made you who you are now. *hugs*

To Miss Gadis Melayu, please take a good care of yourself dear. Get well soon, insyaAllah.

And to Miss Aiskrim, don't worry too much and be happy. InsyaAllah, Allah will be there for you. :)

Kuuhhh semangat.

You cried as you told me: fairy tales are all just lies, deceiving people.

Ganbatte kudasai!

Dear Miss Shim,

All the best! Not all people can do it in one go, so yeah, just take your time, take things slowly, do your best and let Allah take care of the rest. Just remember what you've learnt, say bismillah before you begin and all the best! teheee. Oh yeah, don't forget to say thanks to Miss Kang for her endless support. Like what she said, just have a go and you will eventually become better each day. Practice makes perfect. In this case, it really does. 

Oh, thank God you have kept the list of your IDs and passwords somewhere safe (and easy to find). Now, just remember that place and the same thing won't happen again, insyaAllah. Please stop being so careless dear. It's not good for your health. Seriously. I mean it. 

"Beware of this world, for it is sweet and tempting."

: 22nd August 2011.

: 22 Ramadhan 1432H.

: 02.28 a.m.

: Malaysia.

: I'm in the middle of accomplishing something, please pray for me. Heehee

A prayer from a friend to another friend without his or her acknowledge is often heard by Allah.

Besides, isn't Allah the Best Listener? 

He will always listen even to the very silent prayer of a sincere heart. 

And He will definitely bless that friend for his or her kindness and thoughts. :) 

Lucky me.

Comparisons are easily done once you had a taste of perfection.

Last week, or the previous week before it or maybe last month ( I just couldn't recall) , my friend told me how frustrated she was when she couldn't remember her blog's password. I still remembered, when I first read it, I thought to myself, how can she forget such an important thing? Password should be something private and personal which she will always know and remember it. That was what I had in mind at that moment.

Now, Allah tests me on what I had thought. After a few months neglecting my emails (I have more than three emails to be honest), I decided to open one of them just to clear the inbox. After I typed both my email ID and password, I received a notification stating that I have the wrong combination of either email or password. Thinking that maybe I had the caps lock on, I typed the password again. However, when I received the same notification again, then only I realised that I have just forgotten my email password. I sat there, in front of my laptop, staring right through the screen for a couple of minutes. No matter how I cracked my brain, I just couldn't think of what did I put as my password. Being too secretive, I even put different answers to the security questions in case I forgot the password. Serve me right, I couldn't even remember what answers did I put. Can you imagine or even think of what did I put for my first security question? Oh okay, I forgot to tell you what was the question. The question was: Where did I spend my honeymoon? Oh crap, why did I choose that question? Now, I couldn't think what was my answer back then. I was and am really very extremely sure that the answer was not even a place. I tried with names though, but lucky me, after a few attempts (in which I failed miserably), my email was locked. Yeah. Lucky me.

The moral of the story? Please jot down or keep all your accounts name or anything with their passwords somewhere safe, but not too safe until you yourself can't figure out where it is later. Trust me. You'll forget them one day and you'll be having the same problem as me if you don't keep it somewhere else. Well, better safe than sorry. And better don't be like me. Ahha.

How can I forget my own password? 

"A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes."

: 19th August 2011.

: 19 Ramadhan 1432H.

: 01.07 a.m.

: Malaysia.

: I really love tazkirah given at the surau today.

I guess in order to be a better person which pleases Allah,

I need to learn how to be ikhlas in sharing, control my anger and forgive others.

InsyaAllah, even if it's kinda hard, nothing is impossible right? 

Thunderstorm.

Under the same sky, living the same dream, we still believe this is not goodbye.

"The grievances that I felt today, you must take revenge!"

 "..." (poker face)

"Why don't you give me even a word of comfort?"

 "Crying helps to relieve stress."

"..." (grab a tissue and continue crying)

....................................................................................................

"The heart will rest and feel relief if it is settled with Allah 

and it will worry and be anxious if it is settled with people."

(Al-Qayyim)

P/S: Dear Miss Kang, Miss Shim will do. xoxo

: 17th August 2011.
: 17 Ramadhan 1432H.

: 00.43 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: I dreamt about the same person again, after years and years gone by.
But this time, I wasn't running away and that person wasn't trying to save me from them.
This time, I was with that person. Safe and sound.

Does this mean something?

Papercut.

I get all better once I see you.

: 13th August 2011.
: 13 Ramadhan 1432H.

: 11.56 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: It's been a while since we last met.
I wonder whether you still remember me.

Btw, happy birthday Miss Penggemar Susu! :) 

Sushi Zanmai Deluxe.

I know the road is long, make me strong.

These days, it's always raining in the evening. Hujan rahmat, insyaAllah. Sometimes, trees need rains too. Just like us. We do need water, don't we?

I notice the changes in you and I can't help feeling a little bit irritated. I shouldn't be so, should I?

All these while, I've been at war with myself. It's not easy to fight the temptations from my own self compared to the temptations from others. I. must. win. this. war. I must!

My cats' poops are sooooo terribly smelly. Urgh. And since I spend most of my time at home, it is my responsibility to clean all of it. Urgh. Do I ask you to poop everywhere my dearest cats?! Huh? Huh? What did you say? Miaow? Oh, you can't speak human language. Okay. Fine. I'll speak yours. Miaoowww miaooow rawwrr miaooww miaaow rawwrrr! ( I'm going crazy, I know) 

Caramel macchiato? Carbonara? Cheesecake? Oh dear, you are such a sweet talker, do you know that? But why aren't you this sweet to others? Oh dear mismatched eyes, you are such a puzzle indeed. But that what makes me love you more. Ahha.

I just love listening to the tazkirah given before we perform Tarawikh prayer at our surau. Please, do continue sharing the story of Annas bin Malik, dear imam. May Allah bless you for such a beautiful sharing. You know what, if I forget that there are people around me, I might cry listening to the story. Oh Allah, please forgive this humble servant of Yours. I'm not that worthy of Your jannah, but I can't stand going to al-jahhim, so please ya Rabb, forgive me. Forgive me ya Allah.

I just love teh kundur. Yes, I love it! Even if you say it tastes weird, I love it. Slurppp.

I find that it's hard to sleep without my two sisters next to me. Oh, I wonder what will happen to me then, especially when I return to the U.K for my final year. I guess I need to put a lot of pillows on the bed to accompany me then. Teddy bear? Ahha, it's so not me konon.  Domo-kun? Is he a teddy bear? Oh, except him then.

Honestly, I am very particular about privacy. And I believe, most of you too. There are reasons why I write this blog using not my real name, mentioning my friends using not their real names, and putting pictures using not my or my friends' real pictures. So please, whatever I've written in this blog, please don't spread it elsewhere without asking me first. This is my personal blog; my sanctuary and my own private place for pouring things that I have in mind and heart. If you happen to read it and know what I'm talking about, yes, it's written for you, but if it's not, then it's not for you. So please, what's in this blog remains in this blog. Thank you.

For those who follow me and I block them, I am deeply sorry. I don't block certain people, I block all. So please don't feel offended. I just don't like the feeling of having followers, that's all. I don't know why but the more followers I have, the more I will freak out. I'm weird (and you may hate me) but this is me (deal with it). However, don't worry, you can still read my blog but please just don't follow me.

If you know who I really am outside this virtual world, please don't simply tell others that I am the owner of this blog. Let me do the honour myself, please.

The chains of bad habits are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. Yeah, that explains why is it so difficult to be hardworking. I must break the chain! *turning into Super Biskut Bijan*

What is my Malaysian phone number? Sorry, I haven't bought one yet and I think I won't. Just contact me via all the social web that I have and you have or for those who have my mom's, you can just send texts to it. My mom will surely tell me if you guys send me one, but please make sure you tell her who you are. Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

Dear Miss Heechul Lover, I think I should change your name into Miss Sungmin Lover perhaps, should I? Ahhaha. Forever changing bias, eh? Oh, please eat something else apart from fish and veggie for breaking fast, will ya? Omo, talking about food makes me crave for cendol pulut. Heee, kinda miss eating cendol pulut with you and Miss Ratu Typo. Oh yummy~

For those who are in the U.K, please be safe, take a good care of yourselves and may Allah take care of you guys.

Allah is the best Listener. You don't need to shout nor cry out loud because Allah hears even the very silent prayer of a sincere heart.

: 12th August 2011.
: 12 Ramadhan 1432H.

: 03.42 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: Oh Allah, in this second phase of Ramadhan, please forgive me.

Your forgiveness is what I seek and long for. 

Gojitmal.

Goodbye (please don't go)

Be happy (please don't leave)

No.
It's a lie.

Please tell me it's a lie.

"Fear Allah and hold your tongue from telling lies, 

hold your hands still from theft,

and hold your feet firm from going astray."

P/s: To my dear Miss Heechul Lover, don't you ever feel weak or lonely. He is there for you. We are there for you. And I am here if you want to borrow my umbrella. It might be raining at your place these few days, who knows if it'll be raining at my place one day. So here, just use my umbrella this time. He knows. Just believe in Him. May this be the best for you and your family. *hugs*

: 11th August 2011.
: 11 Ramadhan 1432H.

: 12.45 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: Ahha, kinda into this dorky crybaby and his latest drama series today.

I know, I know, it's not a happy story, but I really really like it him.

After all, right now, I'm listening to a song which kinda suits his expression. Hehhe.

Expresso Double Shot.

This little cafe is waiting for you.

Taken from: www.bigbangupdates.com

Dear Mr Gee-D, 
I just love your yellow bag and you of course.

: 10th August 2011.
: 10 Ramadhan 1432H.

: 03.02 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: Happy Birthday to my friends; Miss Si Manis Gadis (I hope you like the picture ehhe) 

and Miss Penggemar One Piece (I don't know whether you still read it especially during this exam time). 

Have a great day my dear friends and may Allah bless both of you.

Miss you lots, take a good care of yourselves and happy fasting! xxx

Unplanned.

Summer is a mystery, mystery, always.

"How pleasant are the pains; He makes you suffer, 

while He gently draws you to Himself." (Rumi)

: 10th August 2011.
: 10 Ramadhan 1432H.

: 00.15 a.m.

: Malaysia.

: Dear you, thanks for that sweet post, 
but I think this time, it's raining at my place.
And oh, his rap really sounds like Seungri, right? See, I told 'ya.

Killua Zaoldyeck.

Do you, do you, do you feel like I feel?

Out of nowhere, this old anime series came right through my head. 

Oh, good old memories.

Should I watch it again?

What? When was the last time I watch it?

Oh, I was fourteen years old at that time.

Such a long time ne?

"We always believe that there is more time in tomorrow than today. 

This is the one of the greatest mistakes we usually make."

[Happy Birthday to my late friend. May Allah bless you there. Al-Fatihah.]

: 7th August 2011.
: 7 Ramadhan 1432H.

: 02.00 a.m.

: Malaysia.

: Time passed by quickly these days, don't you think so?
Oh Allah, please forgive me if I have used all the time You've given me wrongly.
I know I'm such a baka  lazy, selfish, ungrateful, crazy otaku, delusional fangirl  most of the time.
Just please, oh Allah, please forgive me for being that.
I'll try my best (with Your blessings, guidance and forgiveness) to be a better muslimah.

Sunrise.

Bagaikan sang merak yang indah bulunya, tapi tidak mampu terbang ke angkasa.

“The greatness of the reward is with the greatness of the trial. When Allah loves people, He trials them. Whoever is content with this will have happiness and whoever is angry with this will have nothing but anger.”

— Prophet SAW

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaRsDMGQ7hg&feature=related

: 05th August 2011.
: 5 Ramadhan 1432H.

: Malaysia.

: 09.43 a.m.

:You're blessed everyday when you wake up breathing. 
Many simple blessings are overlooked.

Ahlan ya Ramadhan.

Mengapa nantikan senja, barukan terdetik pulang ke pengkalan.

I notice that; every time first Ramadhan arrives, stars shine brighter than they used to.

There are more older ones in the surau compared to the young ones. I can't find those who are at the same age as me. Oh, maybe they prefer going to the mosque than surau. Well, I don't blame them. Who doesn't want to pray at an air-conditioned place? I want too!

People tend to forget their duties but remember their rights. And we tend to forget our duties as Muslims but remember Allah's promises and yearn for His jannah. Astaghfirullah.

My cats are soooo gedik. Every time we eat at the table, they will surely jump onto our laps and watch us eat. I really want to hit them but when they make those puppy kitty eyes, I just don't have the heart to do so. Urgh, what is wrong with me?! 


"Will you get mad at me if I call you tembam?" "No." "If Bangah call you tembam?" "Yes." Ahha. Favouritism is detected.

Wherever you are dear, please take a good care of yourself. You might get sick in this kind of weather (no matter whether it's cold or hot), so please drink a lot of plain water and have a good rest. Don't stay up late unless you have something important to do. Like me. Konon.

"Then come home. This house misses you too." What are you waiting for, dear? Just go home. I'm pretty sure they miss you, just like how I miss you (or more than that).

I never know that my youngest sister likes selca so much. Until recently. Ahha. I wonder where did she learn such thing. Hurm.

Mom's asam pedas ikan tenggiri is the best! Hers is the best. I just don't wanna learn how she makes it because I want her to make me one instead. If I learn how to do it, she'll definitely ask me to make one myself. No no no, I want her version, not mine. Heh. Alasan.

I have to make a decision over something big. Should I or shouldn't I?

My grandfather is not that well. Please pray for him.

Excuse me. I am not that fanatic over Kpop until I don't know how or when to stop. I don't listen to Kpop all the time. I eat, I work, I pray and I sleep too. Please keep that in mind. Besides, I'm not into Kpop as a whole. I only listen to a few. Those who I like only. (But there are too much drama in my fandom now and it's tiring. Huhhh)

Just because I don't talk to you doesn't mean that I don't miss you. I miss you. Really.

I still can't get over the sad ending of Miss Ripley and the lack of sweet scenes in the final episode of City Hunter. Oh, in this life, things will not always be like what we want them to be, what more drama series.

My mom nagged a lot these days. Not because of house chores or things like that, but because one of my brothers didn't come home for the weekends and didn't call her back telling her why. Mom. She just loves her children so much that's why she gets sensitive over such issues. Bro, you should call at least! Huh.

People often put the blames onto others especially when something happens. They will try to look for others' faults instead of looking at what they have done wrong which might lead to it.

It's not easy to wake a nine-year-old girl up for sahur. It takes more than sweet words, threats and patience. Believe me. It's not easy.

If they can get through it, we can too. Plus, we have Him with us. What else do we need, right?

Doa for the beginning of Ramadhan. [taken from: islamicthinking.com]

: 2nd August 2011.
: 2 Ramadhan 1432H.

: 02.10 a.m.

: Malaysia.

: Listening to an old song in the middle of the night 
somehow brings back all the bittersweet memories from the past.