It started with a smile.

    

Oh, it started with a smile;

that bewitching smile!

Left me completely happy throughout the day.

Oh, that bright smile!

Enough to brighten one's day.

My day to be exact.

Hehhe.

So, let's smile as dazzling and bewitching as those smiles.

Smile to the world.

Bukankah senyuman itu satu sedekah?

Mari hadiahkan senyuman buat semua.

Now, let's begin with a bright smile for our parents.

And only then, we'll smile to others.

Smile~

                              

: 26th July 2010.

: 03.48 p.m. (Malaysia)

: A beautiful smile for a beautiful day. Happy~

My confession.

Sometimes I find myself quite dissatisfied with my own life. It's not that I am being ungrateful with how my life has been so far, it's just that sometimes when I looked back at how things happened and what have I done so far, I personally think that I could do even better than I already did. It's just me being discontented with the lack of effort that I myself had put, leading to how things had finally happened throughout my own life. Sometimes, I wished I could turn back time, but when I think about it again, my life wouldn't have been like it is now. I won't probably be the person I am now, and I won't probably be where I am now.

I've lost so many people in my life. Literally, and figuratively. Some are lost forever, while some are lost without any news. I had tried my best to reach them but unfortunately, distance seems to have separated us as time passes by. It's only the memories and the bond that I'm still holding on. And the never-ending prayers that I always recite every time I think of them. Oh God, wherever they are, and whatever they do, please take a good care of them.

I am indeed not that kind of person that people often see me as. I am not that tough, I am not that kind, I am not that straight forward person that I appear to be. Each remark and sarcasm (yeah, people sometimes say I am a sarcastic person) that I made is only as a shield, or a comparison to what I actually want to say. I know sometimes I tend to hurt people around me, but if you notice enough, I only say things straight-forwardly to those whom I care so much.

Marah tanda sayang. Tegur tanda prihatin.  

Take a look at most mothers in the world, they scold their children for their own good. Practically and unfortunately, so do I. No matter whether you are my siblings, my relatives or my friends, I'll definitely have a word with you if you have done something wrong. I don't really care if you'll end up hating me, but I really want you to learn. Learn to change. Learn to take advice. I know I'm not that good, but at least you will learn and at the same time I can improve myself by advising you. Just tell me if I'm wrong. I'll be more than happy to learn and improve on myself.

"Seorang mukmin itu adalah cermin kepada saudaranya yang lain."

I am really sorry for every word and action that might have hurt you. It's not that I don't care, it's because I care too much that I ended up hurting you. 

But please, no matter what I do, please don't simply jump into conclusion on your own. If you don't know me well, please, don't simply judge me. And I believe, it's not only me who don't really like being treated so. Every person on earth does not even like to be judged by those who don't really know them. 

And I believe, so do you. Right?

: 26th July 2010. (Malaysia)

: 03.20 a.m. (Malaysia)

: I just don't favour those who say bad things about others but they themselves do the same thing. 
It's so ironic. If I happen to be just the same, please slap me. I'm serious. Just slap me. 

Bubbly.

After almost a year away, yeah, I can't help but to notice the changes of almost everything around me. 

For once in my life, I feel like totally a stranger in my own house. I don't know how to open my toilet's door, I don't have my own bed anymore ( I have to share bed with my sisters now), and I find it quite difficult to find things around me. 

Did I tell you my house is almost fully renovated? Yeah, it is. No matter how cool the front door is, I still like my previous dull looking sliding door. 

My room is now in bright pink. My little sister is the one who chose the colour of course. 

I now have like seven cats (including kittens) in my house and yeah, unlike a year ago, they are now free to move around in the house. Oh, I hate it when they jump onto my lap while I'm eating. But, since they are cute and harmless (not scratching me at least), they're forgiven. 

I never noticed how big my rice cooker is until I wanted to add more rice into my plate. I guess that's the effect after months and months using the small rice cooker in the U.K. 

Oh, I can't still take the heat. Sorry Mom for complaining a lot about the heat. Really, sometimes it gets too hot in the evening. 

I can't find my mangas anywhere. When I asked Mom, she said that they are definitely somewhere in the house. But, the problem is, where? Wuuu... 

Everything is not in their place and I can't stand looking at it. Oh, I guess the old me have to emerge by now. Time for a vast cleaning, people! 

My parents look even thinner than they were. I couldn't help feeling worried. Please, do eat more. 

I find that the TV programmes are not that interesting to watch, but when I want to watch something from the internet, huh, it is so slow. I guess cleaning the house is better than waiting for it. But hey, I'm not that hardworking. 

The slower the internet is, the more videos I feel like watching. Now I'm totally addicted to search for any Korean variety shows or music videos. Hehhe, I currently like this song! Kyaa~  

I want to eat laksa, but my Mom haven't bought one for me. :( 

It gets a bit lonely in the morning. My parents go to work while my little sister and brothers go to school. I guess the cats are my best companions at the moment. 

I wonder how my housemates and those who are not going back are doing now. Probably they are still sleeping. Seriously, I kind of missing my bed. I want my own bed! Wuuu... 

The ants are everywhere. Not to forget, mosquitoes! Oh, I know both me and my blood are sweet, please don't do this to me. 

So far, I have eaten more than I used to in the U.K. I wonder why people often get fatter in the U.K. because I think I'm about to get fatter here. Nothing beats Mom's cooking! 

It feels a bit weird seeing a lot of Malay-speaking people around me. Ceh, poyo jer kan? But, really, sometimes I myself almost forget not to criticise anybody in Malay anymore. It's rather hard to stop doing so, seriously! 

Jet lag? I guess for the first and second day I'm suffering from it. I hope I won't, today. 

Despite all the changes and differences, I am more than happy to be around my family. Even if for a while, being with them makes me feel like I'm a child, once again. Please pamper me more.  

I want to feel like a child again, with less to worry. 

I guess I'll be missing the cold weather in the U.K and my comfy bed for now. But, still, no matter what, I guess I must enjoy every moment here with my family or else, when I am back in the U.K. after the summer holidays end, I'll end up missing them like crazy. 

So now, let the fun begin!

: 08.59 a.m ( Malaysia )
: 22nd July 2010. 

: Yeah, I woke up rather early today! 
Oh no, I think I must start doing all the house chores by now. Bye!

The remains of the memories.

Malaysia, I'm back! 

Stepping down my feet on this familiar ground once again, left me completely speechless.
Familiar faces, with those long-awaited smiles greeted me; making me feel happy and sad at the same time. 

All the memories flashed through my brain and amidst all those happy memories, my heart ached; thinking about my late friend, who had just passed away few days ago.  

God loves him more, that's why He took him away. First one is him, who knows who is the next one. Only He knows.

Time indeed flies. People come and go. Only memories remain. 

We don't know when will be our last time together; thus, for those who have been a part of my life, here, I want to thank all of you for all the memories we created and shared together. 

And, if I happen not to be able to meet you again one day, here, I also want you to know how grateful I am to have you as my friends. 

I might not say it, but honestly, I really am grateful having you in my life.
For all the love and strength you give to me, thank you so much.
You complete me.
And for that very reason, may God bless all of you.

: 03.52a.m (Malaysia)
: 21st July 2010 (Malaysia)

: Finally back in Penang after hours and hours on flight. 
Five hours from Heathrow to Cairo, delayed one hour in Cairo,
 ten hours to Kuala Lumpur, a couple more hours in KLIA and finally, in Penang! 
Wow, what a long and tiring journey and yeah, like one of my friends said; feel the heat!

In the name of love.

...If love hurts, then why love? 

I don't know why people can be so irrationally infected by love.
I don't know why, despite the fact that love can be both painful and hurtful, people are still seeking for it.
In fact, they are willing to do anything for it.
Honestly, I don't really know what love is.
But one thing that I know for sure is,
     no matter how love can be so hurtful,
     no matter how love can be so painful,
     no matter how love can be so ridiculous,
     and no matter what I'm going through, 

I know that God loves me.
He loves everyone of us.
It is because of His love and grace that I am loved by my parents, my family and my friends.
That's why I believe He wouldn't let me go through all of this for nothing. 

I know there is a blessing in disguise.
I know there is and there will.
And I believe you know it too.
It's just, maybe, it is not the time yet.
I don't know and I can't assure you.
But believe in Him, only He knows what is awaiting for you and me.
Probably not today or tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, but surely one day.
One fine day. 

Before that day comes, please endure.
Pray hard.
I'll definitely pray for the best.
Not just for you and me, but for all of us.
And it's all because of love,
the love that I have for all of us.

: 18th July 2010.

: I have a few more hours to go before catching my train to Heathrow, London 
and tomorrow, I'll take my flight back to where my heart is; HOME. 
Please pray for me and my friends. 
For those who are not going back, take care. 
Remember to eat well and sleep well, okay?

Till we meet again.

Al-Fatihah.

Once gone, forever gone.

Goodbye, my friend.

Our prayers are with you.

Thanks for everything,

thanks for being a good friend,

thanks for being a good classmate,

and thanks for being a part of our life.

Allah surely loves you more.

Our prayers will always be with you.

Goodbye.

"Setiap yang hidup pasti merasakan mati."


Till we meet again, one day.

Al-Fatihah buat sahabat seperjuangan, rakan persekolahan, rakan sekelas, dan rakan serumah sukan; allahyarham Sharfuddin Ibn Hajat. Moga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. Al-Fatihah.

Lullaby.

I need a very good night sleep.

I really need it.
So, can anyone sing me a lullaby?

Arabic saying 1

I almost forgot the fact that I had learn Arabic language before this and how good I was in memorising all the phrases and sayings in Arabic.   

I almost forgot how interested I was in learning it and how eager I was back then until I stumbled across this Arabic saying from my friend's facebook status, in which I find it very significant to the condition I'm in now. 

"rukood al-maa’ yufsiduhu, firaaqh asy-syabab yaqtuluhu."

Maksudnya: Air yg bertakung tidak mengalir akan dirosakkan oleh statiknya keadaan air itu, 
pemuda yg banyak masa lapang (tidak dinamik) akan dibunuh oleh masa lapangnya itu.

Faces of the day.

Hurm, I wonder what type of face I haven't made yet today?

Haha, I guess no matter how heavy the rain is, we should try our best to smile.
Because, amidst the heavy rain and thunder, people sometimes tend to forget how to smile.
They forget the fact that no matter how long it is going to rain, it will eventually stop.
So, let us smile through this rainy day.
After all, it's just the rain.


Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Yeah!

Yeah! 

When you are happy and you know it,

say "Alhamdulillah"~

All praise be upon God.

Yeah!

S.O.S

A note for myself.

Oh God, forgive me when I whine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1CqCxR_IVo

All praise upon God the Almighty.
The Most Gracious.
The Most Merciful.
Oh Allah, thanks for every second, minute, hour, day, month and year of my life.
Forgive me for all the times when I was being ungrateful.
I am indeed blessed by Your grace.

Oh God, please forgive me when I whine.

"Dan tidakkah mereka mengetahui bahawa Allah melapangkan rezeki dan menyempitkannya bagi siapa yang dikehendaki-Nya? Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian itu terdapat tanda-tanda kekuasaan Allah bagi kaum yang beriman."  [Al-Zumar, 39:52]

Of pasta and bak kut teh.

Between promises and responsibility,

it's just so hard to decide.

I might choose wrong, but hey, that's how I learn.
I'm deeply sorry if I disappoint anybody.
I will try my best not to do so.
Please help me.
Help me to learn.

After all, I am only human.

"Memuaskan hati semua pihak adalah sesuatu yang mustahil" [Imam Al-Ghazali]


......................................................................................

By the way, I am indeed blessed by Him to have a bunch of friends who would share the joy and pain together no matter what it takes, who would lend their shoulder to lean on and who would always be there through thick or thin. Thanks for the smiles, jokes, laughters, advice and support. 

Here, I want to thank Mr Pakar Spaghetti for the lovely pasta. May God bless you for your kindness. I also want to thank Miss Penggemar Susu (not her real name) and Miss Penggemar Buah Oren (also not her real name) for today's superb halal bak kut teh! (Haha, macam bagi award pulak) Today's bak kut teh was really delicious! The taste of it still lingers in my mouth. Ohh~ 

Honestly, a meal prepared with love is even tastier than a five-star dish! Really, you guys are great! I pray that you guys will get a great and good husband each. No sharing of course! Hahaha.  

Yummy~ Wahh, I am so touched and happy!

: 09th July 2010.

: 27th Rejab 1431.

: Ramadhan is approaching. I just can't wait! 
Oh yeah, before that, today is the day of Isra' Mikraj. 
It's not just a special occasion and celebration, it's more than that. 
I wonder how well we understand it.
  

Hooligans?

I know, I must start doing my assignment but, I can't help feeling like this. 

Can I throw some chairs or tables? I can't think. Hahaha.

Patches.

I know I shouldn't blame the weather, but the gloomy weather is making me feel gloomy as well.

I find that I take hours and hours to finish a meal when I am eating alone, compared to eating with others.

No matter how I try to be heartless, I just can't. I end up hurting my own self.

I never tell you how much I care about you, but the fact is, I do.

Everybody lies. Don't lie that you never lie. You're just lying by saying so.

Everybody has an angel within themselves, no matter how bad they are.

I find that pure smiles are indeed the best cure for a broken heart.

I am a forgetful person. I find it is very difficult to memorise people's faces and names, what more directions. That's why I tend to get lost. So please, don't ever let go of this hand.

Whenever I feel troubled or miserable, I often end up cleaning anything that I can get hold of. Oh yeah, and I also lose my appetite in certain cases.

My toilet's door is in a very terrible condition. It's just a matter of time before I ruin it even more.

Most of the mangas that I read have sad and unhappy endings.

I have lost someone I care. Please, if you want to go away from me, don't go too far. I just don't want to lose anybody anymore.

When I reach Malaysia, I want to pay a visit to my little sister's grave.

I am completely at peace with God. It is with humans that I have conflicts.

I am seldom in the right mood. I can be very excited at one time, and upset at another time.

Yeah, I know, I'm not a good friend. I know I'm not. Sorry.

: Please don't do the same thing again. I have had enough.

Sayonara.

Sayonara.

Sonata.

Reminiscing about the past is such a joy, no matter with whom and how often you talk about it.
It makes people smile and laugh over those days;
    the days where they started to learn the lessons of life,
    the days where they started to understand themselves and the people around them,
    and the days where everything was only the beginning to what they finally have now. 

Honestly, I find that reminiscing about the past is very nostalgic, especially with my friends. Through reminiscing, I finally learn the fact that God's plans are undeniably the best, no matter how good a person is at planning. Don't you think so?
Well, if it is not, I would never have the chance to study here, in the United Kingdom! 

Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for giving me such opportunity. An opportunity that I never even dreamt of before. It does not even in my plan, but still I am more than grateful to be here. Isn't God's plan is the best?

So, let us be grateful for everything that has happened. No matter how bad you think your life has been, believe me, God has planned the best for you. Something good is awaiting. It is just the matter of time. But often, people just cannot wait. That's the problem.

 : 07th July 2010.

: Today is the birthday of another brother of mine. 
May God bless him always. 
Oh yeah, and once again, the title has nothing to do with the rest of the post. 
I have no idea what to write for the title, that's all. Haha.

Crescendo

No matter how much you want to say things out,

there will be times when you just cannot find the right words to describe it all.

No matter how hard you try to sort things out and make it better for everyone,

there will be times when you just have to stand back and watch how things flow according to His plans.

No matter how strong and independent you are ,

there will be times when you just have to depend on others.
And, 

no matter how gloomy your days have been,

there will be times when even the smile of a stranger can brighten your days; 

      what more the smiles of your beloved ones.

Treasure each person,

and cherish each day.

For you will never know,

when you will lose the person that you have in your life,

for you will never know,
when you will have another good day like today.

Well, you will never know,
because only He knows.

: 5th July 2010.

: Today is one of my little brothers' birthday. 
I never told him how much I love him, but deep in my heart I always love him. 
For that very reason, I always pray for his happiness and well-being. May God bless you always! 
Oh yeah, by the way, the title has nothing to do with the post. I just suddenly thought of it.