"Somebody? We are somebody."

We live in cities you'll never see on screen

Not very pretty, but we sure know how to run things

Living in ruins of a palace within my dreams

And you know, we're on each other's team

.........................

...........................

The stove in our kitchen is too old now. My mom had to resort in using matches to light it up. Cooking has been a difficult thing for me as I hate using matches. Have I told you when I was young I was so good at lighting up fire using matches until I almost burnt my brother's clothes? After that I was not allowed to touch matches until my skill has getting rusty. And as a result, I hate using matches.

Oh, talk about our stove. For people who feel like to get a new one will cost you money and they hate spending money for such thing instead of new clothes or handbags or shoes, they will be patient and use matches. But for me who is not fond of troubling myself in cooking especially, this stove needs to be put in the museum instead. So, as nobody did anything to either throw it away or buy a new one, as the eldest and the only one with salary (among siblings of course), I decided to buy a new stove for my family.

There goes my money but here comes happiness and comfort. That's why people say happiness has its price. It certainly does have its price, but I don't mind. As long as my mother can cook happily and with less trouble. And I hope the stove will bring happiness to everyone's stomach. Ahahha.

: 25th July 2014.

: 11.00 p.m.

: Penang, Malaysia.

: It feels so good to be home.

Homesick.

"I know you feel worn and tired. I know you're tired of failing. Rest, but don't stop. You can do this. You got this. Not because you're strong, but because He's your strength."

[Yasmin Mogahed]

........................

Never ending. That's what I think. 

It will end. That's how it will be. 

: 23rd July 2014.

: 10.56 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I want to be with my family please.

"Words are life."

“You’ll always be able to find me in your words. That’s where I’ll live on.”

[The Book Thief]

……………………

Today was quite tiring. Not because of the six periods of teaching that made me this tired, but rather the students that made me this way. Resorting to an afternoon nap (my housemate once pointed out that for my case it was not a nap as I tend to sleep for hours, a ha ha haa) was usually my favourite option for a day like this; however, this time I felt like watching a movie instead. Oh yeah, blame my weird decision-making and my randomness. Out of all the English movies that I had in my external hard disk, a movie called The Book Thief caught my interest.

People who find pleasure in watching happy and funny movies might find that watching this type of movies will ruin their idea of sweet escapism as this movie is depressing and gloomy. To tell you the truth, though I love colours, musics, laughters and all the bright things in life, ironically, the dark and depressing movies are always my favourite. You know why? It is because in depressing and gloomy movies like this one, no matter how dark or sad life is, there is always happiness in small little things like having someone reading a book to you before sleep, walking with a friend together until you get home, playing snowball in the basement as you are hiding from the Nazis, gazing at the stars during the time of curfew and getting a sincere smile from a person who is always mean to you.

These simple and small acts are the things which bring us happiness but sadly, we often take it for granted or even brush it off as something insignificant in our lives. It is through watching this type of movies that makes me appreciate little things more.

And I feel that to appreciate small little things and to appreciate others is what kids nowadays must learn.

………………………

Dear students, please learn to be more appreciative. Stop waiting for others to give something to you. Instead, learn to give others something. We adults don’t owe you anything. You yourself must learn to find your own fun and happiness.

I believe not only students who must learn to appreciate. Adults too.

: 21st July 2014.

: 10.55 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Words. Oh, I love words.

Oh no, what is this?

Oh no, I think I have a serious girl crush on this person.

I find her dimples and the way she smiles are beyond cute. I just can't stop looking at her. Err, okayy. I am still straight. It's just I can't stop looking at this person. Please, I am still straight. I am just admiring the beauty that God created. 

Oh, isn't she lucky to be born with good genes? Aishhh, stop comparing. Each person is born beautiful in their own way. Love yourself please, and you'll be beautiful just the way you are (amik hang, lagu Bruno Mars cheq bagi ;p )

.........................

We don't pick whom we gonna fall in love with. 

Most of the times, love comes when we least expect it.

Kan?

: 19th July 2014.

: 10.30 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: I love to see the beauty in every imperfect things in life; especially dimples.

Two students fought during my lesson.

Two students from my class were fighting during my lesson. Oh, what a day.

I entered my class as usual. The students were scattered in the class; some were running in and out, some were playing games in their exercise books, a few students were sleeping and others were chattering. This scene was normal for this class. I walked out of the class and crossed my arms while throwing daggers through my eyes at the students who were running out of the class. It took a few minutes for them to ‘surrender’ under my piercing gaze (self-proclaimed statement) and I instructed the class monitor to ask the whole class to stand up and greet me properly. After that, I returned their exercise books and passed the handout that I wanted them to do during my lesson.

However, while I was busy passing the handout, suddenly one boy, Student A shouted at the other boy, Student B. Before I could do anything, Student A launched himself at Student B and started punching him. I was shocked and out of reflex, I quickly grabbed Student A’s hand to stop him from hurting Student B any further. I forgot that a furious boy is a dangerous boy. He pushed my hand away (thank God I didn’t fall flat on the floor) and launched a few punches and kicks to Student B. I was completely out of words. All I did was shouting at him to stop doing that. He was about to lift a chair to hit Student B when another student stood up and pushed him aside. The student shouted at him to stop and thank God, he finally stopped. Tears were about to burst out from my eyes, however, I tried my best to keep my cool. I put those two a few metres away and at the same time, I instructed my whole class to stop interfering and start doing the task that I gave them.

I then called the PKHEM and told him about the incident. He asked me to bring the students over to him. That was the most difficult part; to bring those two to the office. It took me more than 5 minutes to drag those two to the office. I was at the verge of both crying and screaming my lungs out. Thank God I managed to drag them at last. Urgh, patience, patience.

Who said it is easy being a teacher? With all due respect, please come and teach this class.

………………….

“Teaching is not just about educate, but common sense.”

: 17th July 2014.

: 10.45 p.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Classroom management is not easy. 

Oh, misty morning.

Oh, misty morning.

It was 3.30 a.m in the morning when I drove my car to pick up one of my friends from the bus station, alone. I am not a person who mind much in waking up early in the morning to pick up someone, however, to drive alone in wee hours at this area is not something I would gladly do.

It is not a big deal for me to drive at night or early morning, however, this is not Penang. To make you clear on why I was feeling dreadful about this, let me tell you about the location of my new house. This area is not that far from the town, however it is not that near too. It takes around 5 to 10 minutes (depending on your speed and the amount of cars on the road) to reach the bus station. There are a few lamp lights along the way and around 500 metres before and after the cemetery area, there is no lamp post. If you drive at night, at some point you have to turn on your high light. Along the way, there are a lot of bushes and undeveloped area which indicate that there are also animals like wild boars (they said there are wild boars), bats and other animals which I shall not write (because I am not sure myself).

I woke up around 3.22 a.m after getting a call from my friend. As I opened the main door, it was pitch black outside. I would not be able to see anything if we did not turn on the porch light. It was dark and the mist made me shivered. I don’t know why but I felt so alone and a little bit scared at that moment. I was not thinking of ghosts or that sort of entity but I was scared if some bad people saw me and decided to rob me or anything. There was not a single car or soul when I was on the road to ‘accompany’ me Due to that, I did not stop even when the traffic light was red. How could I stop? What if I was robbed? What if suddenly someone came and followed me? So much of pessimism and paranoia but you can’t blame me as I was alone and those were the thoughts that I had.  I prayed hard that nothing would happen to me before I reached the station. At that moment, I suddenly missed my nocturnal friends; those friends who tend to sleep late and enjoy accompanying people at night.

Nevertheless, despite all those negative thoughts and feelings, thank goodness I managed to pick up my friend and came back in safely. Okay, it’s an exaggeration I know but really, that’s how I felt.

Alhamdulillah, I praise the Lord for keeping me safe and sound.

………………………

Tidakkah kamu mengetahui bahawa kerajaan langit dan bumi adalah kepunyaan Allah? 

Dan tiada bagimu selain Allah, seorang pelindung mahupun seorang penolong.

[Surah Al-Baqarah, 2: 107]

: 15th July 2014.

: 09.05 a.m.

: Jeli, Kelantan.

: Thank God today is a public holiday, yehuuuu.