Those who deserve love the least, need it the most.

Tuai padi antara masak

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to live life despite imperfections.

So be happy, 

because life is not perfect."

.....................................

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone 

who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself,

and that person is not to be found anywhere.

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, 

deserve your love and affection.

..................................

Allah itu Ar-Rahman,

Dia bukan sahaja Maha Pemurah dan Maha Pemberi,

malah Dia memberi dengan kasih sayang.

Lihat dengan teliti,

dalam ujian juga terselit kasih sayangNya.

: 28th September 2012.

: 2.27 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: What would I become if I were not here in the first place? 

Things would be different.

I would be different.

Hurricane of emotions.

Killing me softly

If this is just a nightmare, 

please wake me up.

Please.

: 24th September 2012.

: 06.27 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: I need to get away. From everything.

My eyes felt sore each day.

Tegarnya kau menari di atas tangisanku

Too many things in my head, 

too many emotions in my heart,

too many pain in my chest

and I might end up bursting out. 

Or shutting down. 

I guess, for now, safe to say that hibernating is the best option. 

....................

I was getting more sensitive these days.

Jokes were getting to hurt me.


And I need to get away from here. 
Please. 

: 23rd September 2012.

: 10.15 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: I received my phone bill. And the scolding that came with it.

L1 interference.

Kau permaisuriku, pujaan hatiku, berikan aku satu senyuman yang terindah

I woke up early, wayyyyy too early today, just to wash my clothes (erm, using washing machine of course :p ) but until now, I am not able to do so. Oh, laris benor lah washing machine blok nih (=_=)

There's one cute kitten, well for me it's cute, but until now I can't find it anywhere on my floor. Probably on the first floor. Huh. Mentang-mentang cheq dok tingkat 4 (bebai :p )

Ehhehe, yeah, until now I don't know how to cuddle and play with kids, Miss. Maybe you are right, we have lots of adik that's why we couldn't be bothered. Ahhaha. Bakal mak mertua tengok mesti geleng kepala :p

I noticed that most of us are getting weird each day. Please be aware of others, dear. Even if you are sad or disappointed, please don't make us feel worried with your sad face. 

I have tried my best to cater you and everyone, and to be honest, it is very tiring. So, please, please, and please, consider me, consider us.

I am still reading the 'A Thousand Splendid Suns' book. It's a good book really, but not recommended to those who want a happy story. Cerita complicated sampai nak teruskan next page pun seriau. 

To the wife-to-be, I am very extremely happy for you dear. Your presence in my life never fails to make me smile, especially when I am having rough times. Thank you and may God bless you with abundance of blessings and happiness, now and days to come.

By the way, sebab hang lah aku dok tengok cerita yang ada Beto Kushairy. Ish ish ish, he has a contagious smile okay. It is very contagiously addictive. His smiles, I mean. Ahhaha.

Dreams, dreams, dreams. I dreamed I was still in my room back in Plymouth, looking at the bright blue sky through my window with a glass of Tropicana orange juice. With the heater on, of course. Ahha. Okay, dreams are only dreams. (insert an emoticon here, you choose)

Dear, I pray that God will always bless you for your patience, with every trials; with my crazy, dark side; with the heat; and with every weird people in your life. Sorry if my bebai disturbs you or make you riseeeuuu. You know how much I love you right. Heee. 

I got a cute present from a dear friend of mine, the one who gives me room to be free and to be me, the one who never pressures me with questions if I don't want to tell, the one who never fails to come out with weird recipe yet edible, the one whom I miss being with. Thank you :)

Jodoh, jodoh, jodoh. Semua orang stress sebab jodoh. Kenapa nak stress? Ada jodoh nanti, adalah. Ahhaha. Amboih, console diri sendiri nampak :p

My mom called this morning. Sorry mak. I am such a bad daughter, right? I am very sorry. 

Some people will love you. Some will hate you. But none of them can help or harm you--except by the permission of God.

: 21st September 2012.

: 9.32 a.m.

: Malaysia.

: Any other drama series with Beto Kushairy in it?

As long as you love me.

I'll be your platinum, I'll be your silver, I'll be your gold

Take it easy and don't worry about anything except today.

If you do what you have to do today,

all the tomorrows have 

a way of working things out by themselves.

: 15th September 2012.

: 08.25 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: Smile looks good on you.

Pendulum.

I'll only stay with you one more night

No matter how serious life gets,

you will always need the company 

of the people you can be

completely stupid with.

....................................

I miss being with friends
who share the same passion and interest with me.
Anyone, please take me somewhere we can talk about books,
anime series, arts, song lyrics and stupid random things.

As long as it's not about stress, workload, assignments,
heartache or even third class mentality.
It is mind torturing, not mind blowing.

.................................

Some people can just post or write a status about something, or someone
without even really consider the real situation of the other side.
That is disturbingly disappointing.

: 14th September 2012.

: 06.32 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: Is it me or all of the jokes are getting more sarcastic than before?

I understand that most of us are stressed, and hurt physically and mentally, but please,
don't make others feel even more hurt. Things might get out of the hand one day.

We make our choices, then our choices make us.

Harapan, harapan menjadi layu

Wow, the heat. And the dark clouds that follow behind. Oh, look! The dark clouds are approaching. Oh Oh Ohhh, Oh no, the clothes! There are a few girls, from different floors rushing here and there. That one girl, oh, look at how miserable she is. Dear, you don't have to frown like that. Rain is a blessing, you know. E he he hee. My radio sounds weird now. Oh yeah, the line is not that clear. Wind! Yeahh, alhamdulillah. Finally the wind is here. Thank You Lord. I thought the heat will last forever. Huh. *sigh of relief*

It's getting dark now. Not because night is approaching. But because those dark clouds are now here. If I were fifteen years younger, I would have gone outside and wait for the rain to come down. I would have brought my bicycle and off I go to chase for the rain. If only I were fifteen years younger. Oh, things were so much simpler those days. I didn't have to worry about a single thing. Oh, thank goodness those days criminals were not into kids. Or should I say, there were less crimes compared to nowadays? Huh *sigh of helplessness* What is happening to humanity? What is happening to the world?

I can now hear the thunder. I don't really like thunder. If there is thunder, I can't help to feel scared. No, no, no. That doesn't mean I am scared of thunder more than the wrath of God. That is a different thing, you know. I know that we must be afraid of doing something that He doesn't like more than everything, more than our fear of the creation, more than ghost, more than spider, but that doesn't mean if I am scared of thunder, I am not scared of His wrath. Seriously, that is a different thing.

Oh, I just can't understand why people like to make fuss of little things. For example, God gives us a lot of food to eat, but that doesn't mean we have to eat it all. We are given choices to like some food and to not like some other food. He gives us choices. Life is about making choices, you know. We can choose to like something, to dislike something, to do something, to not doing something, ohh, anything. Most of the times, it is not about the decision we made, it is more about the process of it; the choices that we had and how we chose and decided.

I feel quite sad recently. Or should I say a bit disappointed? I don't know. But yeah, a bit hurt, maybe. I feel quite hurt when people can just make their own decision but when I do the same, I am to be blamed. I had noticed this long time ago when some people could just do things that they like or want without telling me, but when I did the same, I was being scolded for not telling. At first I was okay with this unfair treatment, but as these things reoccurred, I just couldn't stand it anymore. I have my own feelings too, you know.

How can you expect me to tell you if you yourself don't tell me? I am given choices, so if it involves me, let me make my own choice. And please, respect my choice as I respect yours.

: 13th September 2012.

: 06.12 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: Rather than assuming, please do ask me.
And if you ask me, I do care about you. Lots.

Checkmate.

I only miss you when I'm breathing

.............................................

“The objective of the game is to checkmate the opponent’s King 

by placing it under threat of capture which cannot be avoided.”

THE KING; his capture ends the game.
THE QUEEN; the most powerful and versatile character on the board.
THE BISHOP; amazing range but can only move on its colour—a piece that will surprise you.
THE KNIGHT; the irrational piece—the hardest to predict.
THE CASTLE; straightforward, stoic, and unmovable line of defense.
THE PAWN; the expendable, powerless, nameless soldier who may, if his actions are brave and his heart is true, become the most powerful piece on the board.

...........................................

So, in this game called life, which one are you?

.....

.....

Checkmate.

: 10th September 2012.

: 09.15 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: I used to love playing chess with my father. Why? Because he loves it too :)

Doppelganger.

Aku yang patut, yang patut, berinya segala

Fill your life with love.

: 9th September 2012.

: 10.55 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: 143 :)

If only you know how much your hug means to me.

This is how you remind me

: 9th September 2012.

: 09.47 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: Imagine meeting someone who understood even the dustiest corner of your mixed-up soul.

Scream my lungs out and try to get to you.

My current life soundtrack.

Oh okay. Not significant but nak bagitau jugak. Heh.

.................

Are we okay?

.................

"People scold you because they love you."

But what if you always get scolded? Does that mean they love you ? But why do they vent their anger at me?

.................

Now, seven people had told me that I am getting thinner and smaller compared to before.

Is it that obvious?

.................

That random person is the only sweet escape from this crazy world.

You won't be able to read this but thank you for being random. You made my day.

..................

Sorry. Really sorry.

..................

I need someone who can listen to me. Pronto. At this very instant.

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Fire in the hole.

Can you love my dark side?

"People don't care how much you know

until they know how much you care."

.....................................

There are times when I feel like shouting "STOPPPPP!"

....................................

Think before you ask. 

Think before you talk.

Is it appropriate?

Is it important?

Is it related to the context?

Is it safe enough to ask?

Will it hurt certain people?

: 4th September 2012.

: 00.42 a.m.

: Malaysia.

: If this continues, I might end up becoming a Liverpool fan.

A cup of cappucino for a nap.

And I swear, you're just like a pill

Despite the fact that it is windy and peaceful out there, I just can't bring myself to sleep. Or rather, I just don't want to have a long nap like usual. There are so many things inside my mind right now. Okay, I admit, I always have so many things running through my head.

Do you know that these days, I was stuck in a big hole of negativity and pessimism. I felt hurt but I didn't know how to voice it out. That is why these days, I tend to think how people always take me for granted. I always feel that just because I didn't say that I didn't like them doing certain things, they thought that it was okay to do that to me. But when I did the same thing, they scolded me and told me how hurt they were. That's not fair! Why can you do that to me but I can't do that to you? Why? Wohoo. These dark days, that is one of the things that I always think of. It is disturbing really, and often, when those thoughts started to make me wallow in self-pity, I tried my best to think of positive things and reasons for them. I tried to think on their behalf. But when I couldn't think of good reasons for them to do that to me, I became even more hurt than before. 

That is why I always being such a weirdo. A weirdo with multiple personalities disorder. That is also why these days I made faces and talked nonsense to those near to me. Sorry. I am really sorry for those whom I made faces and talked to. I feel like some kind of an irritating human being and a burden. Sigh. Sorry, I always torture you guys with my weird multiple personalities. And sorry too dear, I always burden you with my weird and disturbing thoughts and dilemma even though I know you have your own problems and dilemma too. 

"One's strength is often another's source of strength. So, be strong."

I came across this on one fine day and I mentally slapped myself for being so weak and weird. I mentally cursed and scolded myself for being such a whiny and crybaby me. Thank you dear you for posting this. I promise that I will try my best to be strong on most days so that when you are weak, I can be your strength. And on the remaining days of me being hopelessly weak, you can be my strength.

: 2nd September 2012.

: 04.40 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: Oh great, I should be doing something else, but here I am, being such an emo. Sigh

What you see isn't everything.

They say love is blind, oh baby you're so blind

..........................

Enough of Oppa Gangnam Style, people. Music is not only that. This is music. 

Ohhhh, Mr Gee D~ *melting* 

Okay, I'm being biased, but hey, you can't blame me. 

I haven't watch any videos of him for months okay.

: 1st September 2012.

: 11.58 p.m.

: Malaysia.

: Heavy rain, windy night with an 'ayu' knight under a cute Korean umbrella.