And I swear, you're just like a pill
Despite the fact that it is windy and peaceful out there, I just can't bring myself to sleep. Or rather, I just don't want to have a long nap like usual. There are so many things inside my mind right now. Okay, I admit, I always have so many things running through my head.
Do you know that these days, I was stuck in a big hole of negativity and pessimism. I felt hurt but I didn't know how to voice it out. That is why these days, I tend to think how people always take me for granted. I always feel that just because I didn't say that I didn't like them doing certain things, they thought that it was okay to do that to me. But when I did the same thing, they scolded me and told me how hurt they were. That's not fair! Why can you do that to me but I can't do that to you? Why? Wohoo. These dark days, that is one of the things that I always think of. It is disturbing really, and often, when those thoughts started to make me wallow in self-pity, I tried my best to think of positive things and reasons for them. I tried to think on their behalf. But when I couldn't think of good reasons for them to do that to me, I became even more hurt than before.
Do you know that these days, I was stuck in a big hole of negativity and pessimism. I felt hurt but I didn't know how to voice it out. That is why these days, I tend to think how people always take me for granted. I always feel that just because I didn't say that I didn't like them doing certain things, they thought that it was okay to do that to me. But when I did the same thing, they scolded me and told me how hurt they were. That's not fair! Why can you do that to me but I can't do that to you? Why? Wohoo. These dark days, that is one of the things that I always think of. It is disturbing really, and often, when those thoughts started to make me wallow in self-pity, I tried my best to think of positive things and reasons for them. I tried to think on their behalf. But when I couldn't think of good reasons for them to do that to me, I became even more hurt than before.
That is why I always being such a weirdo. A weirdo with multiple personalities disorder. That is also why these days I made faces and talked nonsense to those near to me. Sorry. I am really sorry for those whom I made faces and talked to. I feel like some kind of an irritating human being and a burden. Sigh. Sorry, I always torture you guys with my weird multiple personalities. And sorry too dear, I always burden you with my weird and disturbing thoughts and dilemma even though I know you have your own problems and dilemma too.
"One's strength is often another's source of strength. So, be strong."
I came across this on one fine day and I mentally slapped myself for being so weak and weird. I mentally cursed and scolded myself for being such a whiny and crybaby me. Thank you dear you for posting this. I promise that I will try my best to be strong on most days so that when you are weak, I can be your strength. And on the remaining days of me being hopelessly weak, you can be my strength.
: 2nd September 2012.
: 04.40 p.m.
: Malaysia.
: Oh great, I should be doing something else, but here I am, being such an emo. Sigh
