-Hilal Asyraf
— Rock Kim (Shut Up! Flower Boy Band, Episode 15)
To dear friends,
No matter how many mistakes you make, or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn't trying. All the best. May Allah ease everything. We all can do it.
(Tim O'Brien, The Things They Carried)
"It's a common belief that positive thinking leads to a happier, healthier life. As children, we're told to smile and be cheerful and put on a happy face. As adults, we're told to look on the bright side, to make lemonade and see glasses as half full. Sometimes, reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part, though. Your health can fail, boyfriends can cheat, friends can disappoint. It's in these moments when you just want to get real, to drop the act, and be your true, scared, unhappy self."
I used to be a calm person, but these days I find that I might have a multiple personalities disorder. I tend to be happy at first, and then depressed the next second. It's kind of frightening, really, since I, myself can't really understand what is happening with my own self. It's kind of sickening, really, since I, as a friend, will end up disturbing and bothering others with a trivial matter of mine. It's kind of worrying, to be honest with, since I, as a person, might confuse others with who I really am.
I always have this battle in me. I don't really remember if I had said this before, but, I always have a struggle between what I want to do and what I should do. As far as I remember, there's never been a day passed without this kind of struggle within me. Have you ever watched The Lord of the Rings? Well, in an extreme case, if I were to describe the battle in me, I am just like Gollum. Freaky, isn't it? I don't know if people will still find me as a nice person, if they were to know what kind of thoughts I have every single day.
I went to a sharing circle last night. "Iman adalah apabila melakukan sesuatu yang bercanggah, hati akan menjadi resah." In other words, iman (faith) is when someone is doing the opposite thing (of his belief), the heart will not be at peace. Oh well, direct translation that is. But the point is that, every time you do something that you think is not right, you won't be at peace. Your heart will be restless, and that's when the battle starts. You start thinking that, even though it might be the best thing to do at that moment, it might not be the right thing to do after all. Complicated, isn't it? Between right and wrong, sometimes it is just too complicated.
Life is about making decision, they say. It is. What is good for others, sometimes, might not be good for you. And what is good for you, sometimes, might not be good for others. That's how things are. The problem with most people nowadays is that they always compare themselves with others. They compare their house with the rich's house, they compare their salary with the manager's, they compare their assignments with other students', they compare their love lives with others' and they even compare their problems with others' problems. I am one of those people, to be honest with. Comparing won't do you any good, they say. And yes, I find it true. Learn to be grateful, will you, my dear self? And please stop comparing. It will just make you bleed in this constant battle within you.
(Dennis Whole)
"He Who has created seven heavens, one above the other. You will not see any flaw in the creations of The Most Merciful. Then, look again: can you see any flaw?"
( Surah Al-Mulk, 67: 3)
Everyone has those people you know? The ones who are there for them through it all. Through every single up and down of your life. They are always right there, riding the coaster with you, squeezing your hand tight on all the biggest, scariest hills telling you, “You’ll be okay, you’ll make it through, you can do this.” You know that they will never hop off the coaster at a stopping point to find an easier ride; they will stick with you because they want to. You trust these people immensely and they trust you too. These people, they complete you, they bring the biggest smile to your face and make your life worth living. You know that they will always be there for you, no matter what, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and all three hundred sixty-five days of the year. You spend each day trying to think of some way, any way, to repay them, to help them understand what they have done for you, but always come up short. You simply tell them thank you, hoping that will be enough, but apologizing when you realize it isn’t. They, though, find it enough for you to be happy and knowing that your coaster has slowed down for now. And as your coaster slowly picks up the pace once again, you know these people are still there, ready to support you and squeeze your hand when you, once more, find yourself riding it out on those hills. And even if, over time, you find yourself apart from these people, you are never truly apart, maybe by the standard definition, but truly you aren’t. Near or far, far or near, these are the people that will always love you and they’ll never leave you.
Dear you, I just want you to know, that you are one of those people. Thank you for being one of those people. I might not be able to do the same, but I hope, to you, I am one of those people too. Whatever brings you down, whatever makes you cry, whatever makes you hurt, I promise you, I will be there for you to at least lend my shoulder and shed your tears. If I can't be there physically, my prayers will. In case I haven't tell you this, remember, pain ends, but my love and support will never end. May you have all the happiness you deserve. And may God will always shower upon you with goodness and peace.