What is right, and what is wrong
"It's a common belief that positive thinking leads to a happier, healthier life. As children, we're told to smile and be cheerful and put on a happy face. As adults, we're told to look on the bright side, to make lemonade and see glasses as half full. Sometimes, reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part, though. Your health can fail, boyfriends can cheat, friends can disappoint. It's in these moments when you just want to get real, to drop the act, and be your true, scared, unhappy self."
(Grey's Anatomy)
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I used to be a calm person, but these days I find that I might have a multiple personalities disorder. I tend to be happy at first, and then depressed the next second. It's kind of frightening, really, since I, myself can't really understand what is happening with my own self. It's kind of sickening, really, since I, as a friend, will end up disturbing and bothering others with a trivial matter of mine. It's kind of worrying, to be honest with, since I, as a person, might confuse others with who I really am.
I always have this battle in me. I don't really remember if I had said this before, but, I always have a struggle between what I want to do and what I should do. As far as I remember, there's never been a day passed without this kind of struggle within me. Have you ever watched The Lord of the Rings? Well, in an extreme case, if I were to describe the battle in me, I am just like Gollum. Freaky, isn't it? I don't know if people will still find me as a nice person, if they were to know what kind of thoughts I have every single day.
I went to a sharing circle last night. "Iman adalah apabila melakukan sesuatu yang bercanggah, hati akan menjadi resah." In other words, iman (faith) is when someone is doing the opposite thing (of his belief), the heart will not be at peace. Oh well, direct translation that is. But the point is that, every time you do something that you think is not right, you won't be at peace. Your heart will be restless, and that's when the battle starts. You start thinking that, even though it might be the best thing to do at that moment, it might not be the right thing to do after all. Complicated, isn't it? Between right and wrong, sometimes it is just too complicated.
Life is about making decision, they say. It is. What is good for others, sometimes, might not be good for you. And what is good for you, sometimes, might not be good for others. That's how things are. The problem with most people nowadays is that they always compare themselves with others. They compare their house with the rich's house, they compare their salary with the manager's, they compare their assignments with other students', they compare their love lives with others' and they even compare their problems with others' problems. I am one of those people, to be honest with. Comparing won't do you any good, they say. And yes, I find it true. Learn to be grateful, will you, my dear self? And please stop comparing. It will just make you bleed in this constant battle within you.
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"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person
is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian."
(Dennis Whole)
: 9th March 2012.
: 11.18 a.m.
: Plymouth, U.K.
: Dear you, sorry for disturbing you and thanks for letting me do that. I should stop doing that, shouldn't I?
Dear sweet you, thanks for your concern. It feels nice talking to you. Thanks, I really appreciate it.
Dear sweet you, thanks for your concern. It feels nice talking to you. Thanks, I really appreciate it.
Oh, how I wish I can write this long in my dissertation, but I just can't. Heh.
