It's half past two, and I think of you.

It's OK baby, please don't cry

"Sadness is always the legacy of the past; regrets are the pains of the memory."

...............................

Dear you,  

It's half past two in the morning. I have gone to bed an hour ago, but until now, I just can't shut my eyes. I have been trying to get myself to sleep, but nothing works. I am left alone, staring into nothingness in the dark. In this darkness, I hear nothing but silence. And in silence, I think of you.  

I have a confession to make. People say, whatever happens, life must go on. But no matter how I say I have moved on, there's always a part of me who never really left. It never was and I'm really afraid if it never will. What more at times like this, at times when days are dark and gloomy. I once thought it was the winter that made me like this; sad and lonely. But, as I stare into the ceiling tonight, I realise that it's not the winter. It's me, myself.  

It has been more than two years since you left. Left me with a stab of pain in the chest, whenever I think of those days. Left me with a hint of regret, whenever I remember what I had done. I was a jerk, I know. I shouldn't do such things. But I didn't know what to do at that time. I really didn't know. Even if we had only known each other for less than two months, you were such a good person. You really were. And I'm sorry, I'm really sorry for being such a jerk.

I thought I would be able to mend things back, I thought I could tell you the reasons why and I always thought I would have the chance to say I'm sorry. But I was wrong. If only death doesn't separate us. 

And no, I'm not questioning what He has planned for me. I know He wants me to learn something, but, I just, feel... I don't know, I just, feel... some sort of...guilty, and... regret. And to tell you the truth, I was and am really grateful to know you. But no matter what I felt those days, regret is what left of me, now.

.......................

"Feeling like your sins are too great for you to even ask for forgiveness; 
is belittling God's mercy."

: 09th January 2012.

: 02.30 a.m.

: Plymouth, U.K.

: Lately, I found myself even lonelier than before.
Maybe because I don't spend much time with Him, that's why.