Andai dunia hancur binasa, ku kan setia sampai mati cintaku
"We revisit
old feelings for
the same reason
we re-read books --
comfort in words familiar
even though we
know the endings."
..............................
I hope it's not too late for me to wish Happy Eid Mubarak to you. In comparison to the hectic Eid Mubarak celebration last year; you know, going back to Malacca and Johore and with a lot of activities as well as long hours of driving, this year my family and I decided to celebrate Eid Mubarak in Penang.
To be honest with you, this time even though we didn't go back to Malacca, each day was filled with activities. We spent a lot of time visiting my mother's friends and old acquaintances. I didn't tell my friends I was in Penang on the first and second day of Eid Mubarak so I only managed to go to their houses on the third day onwards. I managed to meet up with my friends that I only get to see once a year and well, imagine how many topics and issues we managed to cover. From work to personal life to the most famous question for people around our age. Imagine that!
My days were full with catching up sessions, doing errands for my family as well as receiving guests until I almost forgot that I need to go back to serve the nation in Jeli. On the day I was supposed to go back to Jeli, I still had to do errands in which left me torn with two choices; first, whether I have to start my journey around 5 pm from Penang and arrive in Jeli around 9 pm or second, whether I have to start my journey on the next day around 6 am in the morning and arrive in Jeli around 10 am. As I went to the gas station to fill my car's fuel, I chose the former instead of the latter. I had this feeling of not being able to wake up as early as I believe I can. So, yeah. Better early than late and sorry. Well, I know myself better in that sense. Heh.
Oh yeah, apart from all the activities in Penang, I was also bombarded with the same question from most of the people I met. Wow, macam retis kan? Same ol' question; "When are you going to marry?" Oh great, if I know who I am going to marry with, I can roughly estimate when but no, I am not seeing anyone so how would I know? Those people make me feel a bit frustrated (more than a bit actually) and inferior. Am I that unlovable? Having no one and having no relationship like what they want--does that reflect my self-worth? Urgh, I am so sick of this. It's not that I don't want to have any relationship, it's just there is no one at the moment that I can be at ease with to even begin a relationship. I don't know. My brother once said that maybe I am too skeptical towards marriage institution. Maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong. Urgh, I don't know. I don't want to think about this too much. Let me pass, please? Or better, pray for me please.
And even if my situation shows that I am desperate to have someone, please don't just throw any random guy into my life. I bet you too won't like it if people just simply pair you up with someone you don't even know or someone you don't even have the chemistry so please, be more understanding. Tolonglah, takkanlah nak tangkap muat je semata-mata sebab nak kena kahwin. Please think how would you feel if you are in my shoes.
............................
"I'm an open book, begging to be read,
but written in a dead language."
: 27th July 2015.
: 11.00 p.m.
: Jeli, Kelantan.
: One of my dear friends called me last night and we spent two hours on the phone.
I find that only those who are in the same boat will understand.
And thanks to her, I am watching two romantic Malay drama series.
She said I need to watch more romantic series to get the aura ahhaaa.
Oh gosh, it is so not me but hey, let me dream and learn a thing or two.
