Students chattering
Hello, there. It has been quite some time right? My goodness, how I long to write something here and alhamdulillah finally I am here. I know I have been making promises to at least write something here but man, life has been sooooo hectic. A blessed type of hectic.
For those who might be wondering what I was up to the last two years (almost two years now right?), alhamdulillah I was busy carrying the little one inside me (what a wonderful 9 months of journey that was) and gave birth to my lovely son on March 2019 last year. Alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah. I never thought that a few days before our first anniversary, I would become a mother. Alhamdulillah, but there was not celebration for our first anniversary wuuwuuuu. I was still at the hospital on our first anniversary fuhh the experience. Still, alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah. It is not easy being a mother and wife at the same time but it is worth it. I pray that for those who are praying to get their bundle of joy will be blessed with one soon. Don't worry, God will give one when it is the right time. He knows the perfect time for that. He is the All-Knowing, so trust Him okay?
I still remember how eventful being pregnant was. It was not easy, though people saw me all smiling. I was happy of course, who would not right? I was beyond happy feeling the little one's kicks and all that but there were times when I couldn't sleep and mannn, feeling lethargic all day was such a challenge to me. I felt bloated and hungry at the same time. I missed my husband too most of the times and his T-shirts were the only comfort I had during challenging and sleepless nights. That's the perks of LDR you see.
There were also times when my emotions got the better of me especially when I saw photos of my friends spending time with their spouses. I admit it, I felt so jealous and when the emotions got so ugly no matter how hard I tried to be happy for them and to be grateful in whatever state I was in, I had to take a few steps away from social media. I even muted their posts so that I would not compare my life with them. I also had the urge to show every piece of happiness I had each day and man, at one point I felt like why am I doing this for? This is not a competition. Life is never a competition so why was I getting so worked up seeing people posting and uploading their happiness on social media? Thank God I managed to stop myself from over sharing and over showing the fact that I was happily pregnant and expecting. I am a private type of person so I managed to keep that as a private thing as well to the point that when I finally posted the news that I had given birth, many of my friends got the shock of their lives. Alamak macam tu pulak haha. But yeah, I am one of the people who think that there is no need to show the whole world that I am expecting as we never know what will happen during the process. Plus, it is not nice to happily announce and show that as there will be people who might feel sad as they themselves are trying hard to conceive. We never know right? See, so many things to consider. Some people might say heyy let me be, it's my social media so why bother. It's my right to post photos of my baby bump and my craving and whatnot. It's true as well, but for me, sharing once a while is okay but to share every single hour or every single day...I don't know. You just have to think for others as well.
Phew, the pregnancy journey was a tough one I tell youuuu haha. I was so blessed for staying at my parents' house even though some of the times they did go back to Penang to look at their house there and to visit their friends. It's so fun being a retiree right? I was also blessed with less health concerns during pregnancy, however Allah is sooo fair. I was tested with a challenging post-partum period. But that's another story. During pregnancy, I didn't have weird cravings and I could just eat everything. But at times when my family was not around, that was when I was tested with negative thoughts. I felt so alone and it felt so miserable to go to all those doctor appointments alone. I also felt so tired having to go to and fro to my in-laws' on certain weekends even though I just took the bus. Carrying a big belly alone here and there made me feel like a single parent at times fuhhh the thoughts. Going through all that made me amazed with all the single mothers who have to raise their kids on their own. It's not easy. So, if you know anybody going through LDR or anybody who is just staying with their kids, please please please give them support. A little bit of understanding and encouragement especially by asking them how's their day will make their day. See, that's all I need actually during those times. And alhamdulillah I was so blessed to have a dear friend of mine who was in Dungun that time, who never failed to check up on me. Such a precious soul she is. There were some who once in a while called but she and another one who is in Pasir Gudang now, were those two who were always there to listen to my rants. God bless them.
Hey, that was through that ugly period when I learnt that comparison is seriously the thief of joy. Why would I be unhappy seeing people's happiness when Allah has blessed me with the little bundle of joy that not everyone is blessed with. I should be grateful each day for that and alhamdulillah my husband was there to remind me of that every passing day.
Wow, so much things happened right? I felt so much better now that I finally managed to pour this all out. There were so many things happened in between but to summarize, I have learnt a lot. I have seen the ugly emotions that were kept hidden all these while and through it all, I have seen the precious souls who were there for me. Thanks. May Allah bless you for that.
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Love yourself when you're tired
Love yourself when you're weak
Love yourself when you're confused
Love yourself when you're broken
Love yourself until you're restored.
With love,
I who selfishly need people to love me
when I myself need to love others as much.
