I just called to say I love you [Stevie Wonder]
Wow, it has been such a while since I last updated things here. I once promised myself to never stop writing, hence I created this blog. Unfortunately, life has been so busy and I was caught in a lot of things- adult things; which mostly mean work, work, work and love life *cough.
Looking back at my old posts and all, I realised how easily disturbed and emotional I was. I used to think that life has treated me unfairly; with me suffering here, away from my family while most people I know had it easy with their beloveds near them. As a result, everytime I saw their posts- looking happy with family and friends, I always, always ran to a corner and sunk in self-pity. I tried my best to not feel envious of them but man, heart cannot lie. Thus, I decided to stay away from looking at those posts by uninstalling my Facebook apps from my handphone. However, I still have my Instagram and Twitter though, but those two mediums are restricted to close friends only, so that will do for now.
But yeah, those days, I drowned myself in my own tears. I beat myself with my own self-insults. I was being so negative and tend to be skeptical to every good things that happened to me. I didn't believe in good days. No, no no. Let me rephrase that. I didn't believe that good days would last. That's why I tend to see the negative side of everything and mannnnn that surely was mentally exhausting. No wonder I was so tired and not motivated. Bakpo lah kan hahaha.
Well, it's not that I am no longer negative and just all rainbows and sunshine here. I still had my gloomy days and emotional moments here and there but alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah, I am trying my best to pat myself at the back no matter how bad my day is. I am learning to let go of things I cannot control; be it my students' attitude or results. I am learning to appreciate those who love me sincerely, rather than trying to seek for people's validation of me.
Through 4 years of teaching, I've learnt so many things. I thank Allah for putting me here in Jeli, away from family, friends and entertainment (no cinema, no shopping complex, no cafe) because by being away from all those I love, I learn to appreciate them more.
And yes, I thank Allah for you too. Never in my whole life I would deem myself as someone who can go through any relationship with distance in between, but Allah knows me better. He gives me what I need not what I want. And I believe, for those who are still struggling with self-love or with their love lives, one day everything will work out. And one day, it will all make sense. For the time being, just enjoy the ride and learn to love yourself more. You, of all people, need your very own support.
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: 7th October 2017.
: 10.20 p.m.
: Jeli, Kelantan.
: For those who haven't watched a Korean drama entitled 'Reply 1988',
I highly recommend you to watch it. Seriously. Trust me.
