A confession of the eldest daughter.

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

This is a confession of the eldest daughter.

To tell you the truth, it's not easy to be the eldest child in the family, what more if you are a girl in a big family. You might say that the eldest daughter often gets more privileges than the other siblings, she has more say in the family, mom and dad are likely to believe her, she gets the chance to order people around, she can complain about you while you can't say a thing to her and the list goes on and on...but hey, haven't you spend a moment or two to think about why things are like that? Well, I admit that if I were you, I will also complain just the same, but, before you say things like that, please listen (or read) our confession.

Being born as the eldest ones, we admit, we did receive more love and attention since we are our parents' first children, but to tell you the truth, once the other siblings were born, that love and attention gradually changed into expectation. Being the eldest ones, we are expected to be some kind of leaders, the ones who show you the right examples and at the same time, protect you from any bad things or bad behaviour. This might sound like an easy thing to do, but hey, to take care of others while enjoying our childhood times was not an easy task. I still remember how I was scolded by mom for going off to play with friends and forgetting to look after my little brothers. I was around six at that time, wasn't I too young to understand a thing like safety and responsibility?

Being the eldest ones, no matter how old we are, we always get the blame for our siblings' doings. I still remember the moment where I was scolded by my neighbour because my naughty little brothers (well, boys) threw mercun into her house yard. You just can't imagine the shame and anger that I felt at that moment. Oh, how I wanted to scream my lungs out saying that it wasn't my fault and she shouldn't scold me for the things that I didn't do, but thinking that I might embarrass my parents for being disrespectful towards her, I just kept silent and apologised on my brothers' behalf. To tell you the truth, up to this moment, I can still remember every word and every faces that she made. Urgh. Until now, because of that incident, no matter where I go, I have this kind of habit where I will constantly remind them about the right manner or scold them (in a good way or sometimes threatened, without any violence involved ) not to misbehave. Well, sometimes I admit I was being too strict and irritating, but hey, it doesn't mean I don't love them, instead I just want them to be better persons. Nothing else.

It kind of hurts actually, when I heard people saying bad things or complaining about their eldest sister. They don't know how big the responsibility that people like us have. That responsibility is the main factor why the eldest ones are either strict or perfectionist. Talking about being perfectionist, hey, most of us are perfectionist. We want things to be done in the right way and the right order. Why? Because we are taught to do so. We are taught to be able to do house chores even at the very early age and to be able to get good results as a good example for the rest of the siblings. 

You just can't imagine the pressure and expectation that we have as the eldest ones, no matter how you try to, so please, before you say something about your eldest sister or brother, think again.

"Mastering others is strength but mastering yourself is true power."

: 7th September 2011.

: 8 Syawal 1432H.

: 10.35 a.m.

: Malaysia.
: I suddenly remembered a conversation that I had before.
A conversation which explains why that person is like that.
Tell you what, I AM a perfectionist. Sorry for being one. I can't help it.